Rollercoaster of anxiety

[Haych]

Hi, had quite a year it started normal then my husband took unwell in March and within eight weeks died of a brain tumour, the day before our twins first birthday. I saw him deteriorate and was there the 24 hours before he died at hospital; I was given mirtazipine pretty much straight away by the dr and I started taking it as I think I was probably in shock, this increased over a month or two to 45mg and for the last few months I’ve suffered with horrendous panic attacks, particularly with driving and I’m now on a different tablet escitalopram 10mg, and had been weaning off the mirtazipine down to 15mg and then the last two nights I’ve not had any! I’ve noticed my weight seems to be going down, though I’m eating about the same but feel wide awake at night and I’m struggling to sleep! Trying to persevere though as I need to be strong for my children, but I feel like since I’ve stopped the mirtazipine that some of the shock is coming back and I find myself looking at old photos, still in disbelief at what has happened and a future without my best friend/love of my life. Has anybody else been through similar is there anything you can recommend? Thanks

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya Haych and welcome to NMP

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and
are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and
support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way

[glassgirlw]

Haych - you’ve been through what no one should have to go through. It’s only natural that you’d be struggling right now. Medication can help but it’s not the cure-all, especially in your situation. Do you have any family nearby that can help you? You have a huge amount of responsibility on your plate right now with your twins but you also have to look after yourself. I don’t have much in the way of sage advice for you because I haven’t been in your shoes. But I’m so sorry for your loss, and please feel free to come on here and visit with us. It’s no substitute for in-person interaction but there are some great people here that will help however we can.

[Kalie galea]

Hi I'm new here to I've suffered with anxiety and panic attacks for over 20 years they were under control with medication but about a month ago they crept back worse then ever my medication was no longer working then 3 weeks ago I tested positive for covid and that's when my attacks came back worse altho I didn't get no bad symptoms thank god and all symptoms gone now I still cant shift the thought that I'm dying I get raising heart tight chest lump in my throat tingling hand fingers feel sick actual believe I'm dying I've had numerous ambulance call outs OBS were perfect 100 percent sats yet I still felt like I can't breathe i even went to the hospital early hours with one bad attack had ecg xray bloods all came back perfect yet I'm still suffering my tablets was moved to venlafaxine 37.5mg for 5 days upped to 75mg took for a week then upped again to 112.5mg for 4 days so 16 days in total for the new med it worked wonders for me last time I was on it but this time I don't know if they working I'm still feel anxious and constantly thinking about stopping breathing and ending up in hospital I go asleep and I wake up straight into thinking I can't breathe feel like I'm going to be like this forever now feel like I've lost complete control of it all just want to feel me again everyday thinking something is seriously wrong and I'm going to die or end up in hospital is so exhausting sorry for jumping on your post you are certainly not alone

[Haych]

Haych - you’ve been through what no one should have to go through. It’s only natural that you’d be struggling right now. Medication can help but it’s not the cure-all, especially in your situation. Do you have any family nearby that can help you? You have a huge amount of responsibility on your plate right now with your twins but you also have to look after yourself. I don’t have much in the way of sage advice for you because I haven’t been in your shoes. But I’m so sorry for your loss, and please feel free to come on here and visit with us. It’s no substitute for in-person interaction but there are some great people here that will help however we can.

Hi, I’ve got my mum we were living away from the uk and had to move back here so he could go to appointments etc, I’m Jewish so had the holidays recently to try and get through which I did but my driving is my biggest obstacle at the minute! Nobody seems to get how scary it is for me, and I feel like I have to! I think I’ll feel better when we have our own place again which will be soon, it’s been hard losing him but also living under my mothers roof and our differences in personality. I’m still grieving but when I cry or get upset I’m told it’s wrong and that in itself has been quite damaging because I feel like it’s still early days and I need to! Xx

[glassgirlw]

You absolutely need to grieve and no one should tell you otherwise. I understated added stress from living with particularly controlling family members. “I’m so sorry” just doesn’t seem to cover it - I can’t imagine the level of stress you’re under. Don’t hesitate to come on here and post when you need support. You’re not alone here!!

[Redsmum]

Hi, I’ve got my mum we were living away from the uk and had to move back here so he could go to appointments etc, I’m Jewish so had the holidays recently to try and get through which I did but my driving is my biggest obstacle at the minute! Nobody seems to get how scary it is for me, and I feel like I have to! I think I’ll feel better when we have our own place again which will be soon, it’s been hard losing him but also living under my mothers roof and our differences in personality. I’m still grieving but when I cry or get upset I’m told it’s wrong and that in itself has been quite damaging because I feel like it’s still early days and I need to! Xx

Hi Haych, i’m so so sorry to hear what you’ve been through & what you are going through now. You must cry, get upset & just let it all out, its your only release because you’re still having to put a brave face on for your twins so you need to let it out when you feel like it. Its hard living back with a parent especially when you’ve children of your own but try to focus on the future when you get back in your own place.
Always come here if you feel like you need to let it all out, we’re all good listeners, don’t feel your alone.