Can’t go on

[Mr Polite]

Hello everyone. Looking for any words of support as I’m in desperate place. Anxiety started spiking again about a month ago and it’s got to crisis levels. I was in hospital yesterday as was having desperate thoughts. I felt calmer when at hospital but since I’ve returned home it’s got crazy bad again. I’ve increased my Citalopram dosage a couple of weeks ago which might be making me feel so out of it. I just feel on the edge of panic 24 hours a day and feel completely cut off from everyone and everything. I can’t eat or sleep. I’m shaking.The diazepam the doc prescribed doesn’t seem to help. I feel like no one has ever felt this bad ever and feel desperate for some respite. Anyone help ?

[pulisa]

Are you on your own at home, Mr P?

You were discharged from A&E I take it after being assessed by the psychiatric liaison team? Were you given a mental health crisis line number to phone if you needed help?

Are you under a Community Mental Health team?

Acute anxiety can make you feel like this..Are you taking the diazepam regularly and not "as needed"?

These horrible feelings of agitation are unbearable but they will pass if you don't react to them with fear...Use the diazepam and ring the crisis line if you want to talk to a MH professional.It's what they are there for..

[Mr Polite]

Thanks for your reply.

Yes I was discharged a after being assessed by the liaison team, they were really caring but ultimately I feel like I’m on my own with this as I find it hard to articulate the thoughts and feelings, it just feels too overwhelming if just cry. I’ll try the crisis team local to me in Bristol. I’m just scared to take diazepam regularly and become dependent. I had a problem with alcohol many years ago so know how dependence feels.

I’m trying no to be scared of thoughts and feelings. I usually practice meditation but it just feels way too uncomfortable at the moment all I can do is try and distract myself all day.

I have a wife and 3 year old daughter. I just cry when I’m with them as I feel so cut off.

Thanks again

[NoraB]

I feel like no one has ever felt this bad ever and feel desperate for some respite. Anyone help ?

I've felt that bad (and worse) and I reckon loads of people on here can say the same.

If you were prescribed Diazepam yesterday, you need to give it time to get into your system but meds only deal with the anxiety symptoms. What are you doing therapy wise? What do you think has caused your anxiety to rocket?

[Mr Polite]

Hi Nora
Thanks. I’m not currently doing any therapy. I have in the past and tbh I’ve never got to root cause, but cbt helped when I had a bad episode a number of years ago. I am just finding it impossible to apply it when I’ve got what feels like a wild animal in my head.

I think the current situation probably kicked it all off. Trying to manage a toddler who is quite ‘difficult’ without support, working from hole constantly etc. But it has just spiralled. It might be the increase in Citalopram that’s making it worse. I don’t know.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply.

[jojo2316]

I am so sorry you are in this place right now Mr P. You need to be brave and sit with these feelings until they pass. And you need to avoid being alone. You might need a wider support bubble than your wife and child. Do you have parents or siblings who can also offer support? Also you must make use of the crisis line if you feel really desperate. The feelings will not last- but right now you must make use of all the avenues of support available.
hang in there Mr P - and keep posting. Xxx

[Mr Polite]

Hi jojo
Thanks. Yes I have parents who care but find it difficult to understand. I tend to get too emotional when I speak to them about it. I’ve been trxting a few close friends to help feel connected. Going to try and go for a little walk now. Thanks

[jojo2316]

A walk is a good idea. What did you see?
I can see it is frustrating that your patents don’t understand- but I wonder if we set the bar too high, when we are in a crisis? I think complete understanding is impossible- and, perhaps, not necessary? Just being present helps. They might not be able to understand but they can be there. And that will help.

[Mr Polite]

Yes you are right, jojo. I know they are always there for me which I definitely appreciate.
Walk was ok, I desperately tried to focus on my surroundings, but I end up feeeling quite tearful. I normally love going to the lake near where I live, it’s my chill place, but when you can’t connect it feels upsetting to me. Thanks

[pulisa]

Yes you are right, jojo. I know they are always there for me which I definitely appreciate.
Walk was ok, I desperately tried to focus on my surroundings, but I end up feeeling quite tearful. I normally love going to the lake near where I live, it’s my chill place, but when you can’t connect it feels upsetting to me. Thanks

Don't worry about not being able to connect. You can't when you take your ruminations with you and the anxiety is too acute. You'll get back to being able to enjoy your chill place but don't expect too much at the moment. This episode WILL pass.