My Journal

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Today is starting out rough and I have a pounding headache and I can hardly type at all. Maybe things will improve. Not off to a good start at all. FML

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Here is one of my favorite songs by Julio Iglesias - Careless Whisper - Enjoy

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Got outside for a little bit today but happy to be wrapped up in the house and its quiet so I'll take it

Hope everybody is doing well.

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Today wouldn't been alright if I didn't have this much damn leg pain ... some days are worse than other and physical therapy tends to irritate existing issues. I struggle with counting when they tell me how many reps to do and they now know what I'm dealing with. Being on the autism spectrum some days leaves me unable to track well and I forger what somebody told me seconds after I'm told.

Still trudging through Depersonalization/derealisation because there is no medication to treat it - only cognitive behavioral therapy. I meditate several times a day now to manage it. I no longer use guided meditation and I use instrumental meditation music and modify it to my needs now.

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Rain, rain (acid) rain here today. No plans for the weekend other that to enjoy my own company and watch movies. I'm too much of a Germaphobe to attend a BBQ anyways. I have my appointment with my APRN today and will tell here I'm doing much better on the Sertraline 150MG than that ugly new med we tried last month. I still drift into dark territory throughout the day but I do my best to push through it. I'm just sick of being on so many meds and I hope to now reduce/taper off some of what I can - at least be on the least dosage as possible. Zero libido though and I do miss it. Just not there. Zero/Zilch/Zip/Nada. ... not even asexual anymore so now I don't know what to call myself but no matter what I know I"ll always be gay and I'm happy with that.

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https://betanews.com/2025/05/15/social-media-platforms-are-not-safe-places-for-queer-users-according-to-glaads-latest-social-media-safety-index/

social-media-platforms-are-not-safe-places-for-queer-users-according-to-glaads-latest-social-media-safety-index/

Good thing I avoid all social media other than forums, but it hurts to know its not safe for the LGBTQIA community.

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Just nothing to say - nothing! I feel numb and not necessarily 'Comfortably Numb'. Just need to take it day-by-day and moment-by-moment now as I never know what I'm waking up to. I know this holiday is rough (all holidays besides Halloween are for me) .

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Justin Sylvester said he got covid 6 times and it wiped out part of his brain and he can't remember names anymore. Yikes, I'm glad I'm a loner and keep to myself and embrace the isolation!

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So whilst things are improving I can now start the taper on the benzo ... I'm down to 1MG a day and I feel like I can (and want) to only use it again as needed. Gosh I hate to jinx myself but putting it out there.