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Thread: Constant low to medium level anxiety after 2020, grief etc

  1. #1
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    Mar 2014
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    Constant low to medium level anxiety after 2020, grief etc

    Last year was an awful year for most of us. I lost my stepdad suddenly and then a month later I like everyone else was thrown into the first lockdown and then my dad started showing signs of dementia (currently getting all kinds of tests done atm). Some days and months were easier than others for me but it all came to a head in August when I had a breakdown, meltdown, whatever you want to call it. I was having constant panic attacks, not sleeping for days on end, lost almost a stone in weight from not eating, felt so hopeless, could barely remember anything etc. It was the worst I've ever felt and I don't know how I got through it.

    Months on, I am a lot better in a lot of ways. I've gained all the weight back that I've lost and then some, my interests are back, when I get a panic attack now I can just sit until it passes and go back to what I was doing within an hour instead of letting it take over the full day, memory is a little better, I am sleeping a bit better - not great but better than August/September time(always been a bad sleeper) and before this latest lockdown, I was even staying over at my mum's which was something I had thought I'd never be able to do when I was at my worst.

    I'm so much better on paper. I can function more now but I don't feel much better. I'm still filled with the almost constant feeling of dread, anxiety and DP/DR. I dread going to bed at night in case I die or in case I wake up feeling awful the next day. My first thought when I get up is "how the hell am I going to get through this day?!" And the last thing is at night even if I've had a good or neutral day is "how am I going to get through tomorrow?!". My DP/DR can be quite bad at times. Sometimes I feel like a stranger in my own home but I've came on a lot with dealing with that. It's the overall lingering anxiety I need help with. It's so mundane the things that make me worry. I dread going to the toilet because I've had so many bad panics/DP moments there, I get silly thoughts like I am going mad, I am going to die, I'm going to lose my memory completely since I don't feel like my memory has fully bounced back yet. No amount of exposure has helped much. Usually by now if I had done something so many times, I'd have lost my fear of it such as going into shops. I'm not scared of shops any more (other than infection risk) but I can't shake off the fears I have about being at home even though I spend every day here and I love my home and feel safe here.

    Has anyone else went through this after a bad phrase? My family have been as supportive as they can be but because I seem to be functioning normally now, they think I am fully ok now. I've been to my GP and was offered meds but decided to do some online CBT and over the phone help with CPN which has helped but I suppose all that's needed is more time and more exposure? In the past when I was struggling, I'd go out for a day out, visit family etc but I can't do any of that these days. I put off writing this for so long as I know it would be seeking reassurance and I shouldn't be looking for that but at that same time, maybe you guys are in the same boat?

    Hope everyone is keeping ok
    Last edited by GingerFish; 08-01-21 at 00:52.

  2. #2
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    Oct 2016
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    Re: Constant low to medium level anxiety after 2020, grief etc

    I could of written lots of this myself. Very similar to me.

  3. #3
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    Re: Constant low to medium level anxiety after 2020, grief etc

    Quote Originally Posted by PHR View Post
    I could of written lots of this myself. Very similar to me.
    Sorry to hear you're in the same boat. What has been helping you get through it all?

  4. #4
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    Re: Constant low to medium level anxiety after 2020, grief etc

    Trying to stick to regular mealtimes, running, and trying remind myself that it is anxiety, that none of the scary thoughts or feelings have any real foundations, and moving forwards regardless. I have a habit of overthinking and mentally reading into everything and trying to 'figure it out', when there is nothing to figure out, so resisting the urge to get involved is my main objective, just let it all pass through.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2019
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    Re: Constant low to medium level anxiety after 2020, grief etc

    Sorry to hear you're both struggling, GingerFish's andPHR :( But, same here re post 2020 anxiety. For me, I have to make sure I stick to a regular schedule. Try to turn off the news 4 hours before bedtime and unwind. Do thinks that soothe and calm you, or get back to things you've allowed to go by he wayside that kept (and will keep) you grounded going forward. Sure - easier said than done - I know that (all too well). Hard to recover sometimes and not allow those same feelings that dragged us down last year to follow us into the new year. Me.. when I threw away the 2020 calendar; I said, now, its time get back to "ME". Its a process, though, especially when we haven't resolved a lot of issues from last year. Perhaps it learning to 'adapt' to our new world. Anxiety is nasty but can be managed by meditation, and as @PHR stated " trying to 'figure it out', when there is nothing to figure out". Sometimes, don't 'think', just 'feel'. Enjoy the little things like that cup of chamomile tea before bed. Be kind to yourself. Wishing you both well - we'll get there

  6. #6
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    Oct 2016
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    Re: Constant low to medium level anxiety after 2020, grief etc

    I don't necessarily think Covid is what's bothering me to be honest. Although I supposed a pandemic can't lower ones anxiety levels. I've just got myself stuck in a bit of a loop I think. Hopefully my efforts break the cycle soon.

    Have you found anything that helps?

  7. #7
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    Re: Constant low to medium level anxiety after 2020, grief etc

    Quote Originally Posted by PHR View Post
    I don't necessarily think Covid is what's bothering me to be honest. Although I supposed a pandemic can't lower ones anxiety levels. I've just got myself stuck in a bit of a loop I think. Hopefully my efforts break the cycle soon.

    Have you found anything that helps?
    I most certainly had plenty of anxieties myself long before last February-March when Covid really started to hit this country hard for the first time. I was disillusioned with the way our society seemed to be heading up until then with many people increasingly blasé about the political situation on both sides of the Atlantic, misinformation/fake news virtually invincible and the authorities, social media giants etc seemingly unwilling and powerless to deal with it, and of course violent crime seemed to be spiralling out of control, though thankfully the latter is not a mega serious problem in my area.

    For some reason, I think the early 2020s are now more enlightened times and ironically a turning point for the better in many ways in spite of this pandemic and Trump's fall from grace, after the seemingly complacent 'heads in the sand' 2010s and even the 2000s in many ways.

  8. #8
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    Mar 2014
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    Re: Constant low to medium level anxiety after 2020, grief etc

    Quote Originally Posted by PHR View Post
    Trying to stick to regular mealtimes, running, and trying remind myself that it is anxiety, that none of the scary thoughts or feelings have any real foundations, and moving forwards regardless. I have a habit of overthinking and mentally reading into everything and trying to 'figure it out', when there is nothing to figure out, so resisting the urge to get involved is my main objective, just let it all pass through.
    I struggle so much with trying to not read into my thoughts and feelings. Every feeling I get, I overthink it and analyse it or more often than not, panic about it and jump to the usual worries of "I'm going mad!", "I'm dying!". DP/DR thoughts most usually bring these kind of responses on for me. Knowing logically that it's just anxiety doesn't seem to help me much any more. I felt like I had broken my brain when I went through my worst breakdown last year, now it just feels like my brain is so slowed down and fuzzy. I feel like I need to sleep for a month straight to get my memory and resilience back.

    The worst feeling for me atm seems to be the DP/DR I feel at home. It makes me feel like a stranger in my own home which only adds more anxiety and then guilt because I love my home and my family that live here but I often feel like this is the last place I want to be. It doesn't feel like my safe place any more.

  9. #9
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    Re: Constant low to medium level anxiety after 2020, grief etc

    Isn't it interesting that normal day-to-day activities such as going to the toilet, washing, eating, etc can act as 'triggers'.

    Even though all of those activities can manifest as phobias in their own rights, but that's another story.

  10. #10
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    Re: Constant low to medium level anxiety after 2020, grief etc

    Honestly Ginger, you are literally describing exactly how I feel, almost exactly,

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