Can HA really do this?

[BrokenGirl]

Has anyone's HA ever got so bad that your brain makes you see things differently?

It happened to me this morning. Or at least I'm hoping it was all in my mind. I called my daughter (13) who was asleep in bed, just waking up. Whatever way I looked at her I thought her lips looked blue. I looked a few more times, trying not to let her notice, and I kept saying to myself they are not blue but my brain was trying to tell me they were. And this was going on all day. She does have cold hands and feet a lot of the time. I mentioned the hands/feet thing to my doctor a few weeks ago and she said from what I described it was nothing serious. Of course I was thinking heart problems and it's as if my brain wanted me to see the blue lips today to bring up that worry again. I'm still worried now her lips might have been a bit blue and what it means.

Does this sound completely crazy or can anyone relate to this? I know I was like this a few years ago when my HA got very bad, then I got a job and things improved greatly for me. But it's been nearly 12 months now since I lost my job and here I am again. It's as if my brain wants me to worry all the time and if I'm not worried about anything it will find something or make me believe it's found something.

[nomorepanic]

I really think you need to treat the real problem here - the HA and stop looking for other issues.

What help are you getting?

[BrokenGirl]

I know I need to deal with the HA problem. But believe me when I say I don't go looking for things to worry about. It just happens out of nowhere. One minute I might be thinking about what time I'll start cooking the dinner, what needs to be cooked first etc and then an awful thought jumps into my head to tell me there's something seriously wrong. And it won't go away.


I want more than anything now to start working on it and get better and getting my life back. My doctor had given me the name of a psychologist who is supposed to be very good. I rang him a few days ago but unfortunately he's not taking on any new clients at the moment, due to covid. He told me to ring him again in about a month and he'll see the way things are then.


I've tried nearly all meds going at this stage but there's nothing working for me. I'm too sensitive to many of them, the side effects are too much.
I'm not sure what direction to turn in at the moment now.

[pulisa]

You need to have a health issue to worry about and you'll "find" something somewhere ..if not on yourself then on your immediate family.

It's not fair to project your HA onto your young daughter though. You really don't want to pass on this "legacy" and fill her full of needless fear.

[BrokenGirl]

You need to have a health issue to worry about and you'll "find" something somewhere ..if not on yourself then on your immediate family.

It's not fair to project your HA onto your young daughter though. You really don't want to pass on this "legacy" and fill her full of needless fear.

I know I'll find something to worry about, that's the way HA works for me at the moment.
But I do find it a small bit hurtful that you would say I'm not being fair to my daughter. It's not like I'm doing it on purpose or I can stop these thoughts when they come. If I could do that then I wouldn't be coming on here looking for advice, or ringing a psychologist or trying every medication under the sun. I don't want to live like this but at the moment I can't find a way out of it.
And my daughter doesn't know about this latest fear I have for her. I wouldn't dare tell her or even let her suspect there is something worrying me about her.
I really am trying Pulisa but I feel like I've hit a brick wall the the moment.

[nomorepanic]

Have you tried reading through the online HA material we recommend on here?

[pulisa]

I know I'll find something to worry about, that's the way HA works for me at the moment.
But I do find it a small bit hurtful that you would say I'm not being fair to my daughter. It's not like I'm doing it on purpose or I can stop these thoughts when they come. If I could do that then I wouldn't be coming on here looking for advice, or ringing a psychologist or trying every medication under the sun. I don't want to live like this but at the moment I can't find a way out of it.
And my daughter doesn't know about this latest fear I have for her. I wouldn't dare tell her or even let her suspect there is something worrying me about her.
I really am trying Pulisa but I feel like I've hit a brick wall the the moment.

I know you are trying hard, BrokenGirl but the fact is that you DO project your HA onto your daughter- judging by your post history- and she's at a very vulnerable age.
You've acknowledged that your HA makes you seek out health issues and you aren't able to stop the thoughts but you CAN choose to challenge them.

I hope you are able to have a look at what is available on here as Nic suggests? It's a question of seeing what helps and what doesn't and trying to work out a plan for yourself while you are waiting for the psychologist to see you.

[BrokenGirl]

Have you tried reading through the online HA material we recommend on here?

I've tried them many times Nicola but they just don't work for me. Not anymore anyway.
I think at this stage I need real life help, a person I can talk to about these issues when they arise. Someone who will explain things to me and teach me how to start fighting this.
I wish the online stuff worked for me, or even helped a little. At least it would be a step in the right direction for now.

[Fishmanpa]

I think at this stage I need real life help, a person I can talk to about these issues when they arise. Someone who will explain things to me and teach me how to start fighting this.

This has been said and recommended many, many times through your history here. When will you act on it?

FMP

[BrokenGirl]

This has been said and recommended many, many times through your history here. When will you act on it?

FMP

I did ring the psychologist last week but he's not taking on new clients at the moment due to covid. He said to ring him back in about a month to see how things are then.
I don't know what else I can do at the moment