Armpit lumps? Maybe?

[Worrywart84]

Did another morning check and have been feeling ok about it. This definitely lessens my worry and saves some of my otherwise wasted energy throughout the day. I think I might try going weekly and see how that works out.

[Fishmanpa]

Did another morning check and have been feeling ok about it. This definitely lessens my worry and saves some of my otherwise wasted energy throughout the day. I think I might try going weekly and see how that works out.

If you think you can handle it, go for it! But also consider working your way up to it as well. Every other day etc.

Positive thoughts

[Worrywart84]

Spoke too soon.

So, on a positive note—I didn’t look at my neck or armpit today, attempting to see how long I can go before I get the urge to do so again.

But just as I was feeling good about that victory, I found a lump in my lower left abdomen. I can’t tell if it’s like, a lymph node (it’s above that groin line but I know they are everywhere), a fat deposit, my intestines, a thicker muscle or tendon or what but it’s definitely not on the other side and when I suck in it pokes out a ton. (I’m pretty skinny which I why I can see and feel all of these stupid things.) It feels kinda firm and not mobile, which terrifies me if it’s a lymph node.

So now what? Do I go to my doctor because this is a new finding? Or do I dismiss this because I’m searching for things to fit my lymphoma narrative and fueling my anxiety further by seeking reassurance? I mean how are people like us EVER supposed to know?!

I am on like level 10 anxiety right now and not sure what to do. It makes me feel a little better typing it out here.

I am really mad at myself while simultaneously scared out of my mind.

Can I just re-title this thread, “Lumps Everywhere, maybe?” Because they just keep coming.

[Worrywart84]

This morning I feel like maybe it’s just my asymmetrical body. I am trying to put it in the category of my neck and armpit and not inspect in the rest of the day and see how I feel tomorrow.

Things definitely seem to send me in a spiral in the late hours of the night vs the morning.

[NotDeadYet]

I've been waiting for a post like this from you Worrywart84 and quite frankly I'm glad its here.

First & foremost, do not be mad at yourself. This "relapse" of sorts is normal and absolutely expected. Your brain is still wired to find any story it can to fit the narrative as you put it. You will have this type of experience again and again until one day it just doesn't bother. That takes time and practice though.

Secondly, unless this magically and mysteriously popped up overnight then you need not run to the doctor. You used the word "found a lump", "new finding", and "I'm searching". These indicate that maybe you were doing a self check and came across something new to you? If that's the case, then there is no need to worry. You are feeding your anxiety. If I were in this position (I have been in this exact position with a groin "lump") I would continue the practice you've been doing and give it a week. Then I'd check in a week and if it's changed (gotten bigger) then I'd make an appointment. If not (likely) then I'd move on.

You're dong great! Keep up the work and keep practicing!

Best Wishes

[Worrywart84]

Thank you. I have benefitted a lot from your words.

I am trying to rationally tell myself I did go self examining—I was looking in the mirror and it was just sort of there. My hip bones poke out too but in the same spots and same size so they don’t bother me but this is like a weird lump next to that. I can’t even find the beginning/end of it so I’m like..is this a muscle or tendon maybe? It’s just strangely absent on the other side, although I do feel something similar in a slightly different spot and less prominent on that side.

So you think as long as this doesn’t blow up in a week, even if it’s still there, I chalk it up to normal anatomy that was always there? I just hate that we can’t go back and verify that with our brains ya know. I keep saying, well if it was always there why am I just now noticing it? (But I sort of know the answer to that question.)

So you never got your groin lump checked out and just forgot about it?

I can’t wait for the day I think like you do now.

[NotDeadYet]

So you think as long as this doesn’t blow up in a week, even if it’s still there, I chalk it up to normal anatomy that was always there?

Absolutely!!

So you never got your groin lump checked out and just forgot about it?

Yep! I certainly didn't forget about it because my brain won't let me so I'll check it maybe once a quarter, notice that it's normal asymmetrical anatomy, and move one with my life.

Best Wishes

[Worrywart84]

Thank you so much. I will try to do the same.

[Worrywart84]

Having another bad spiral. While washing my hands, I noticed one side of my neck (that I have kept my hands off for days) looked visibly puffy on the side with all of my lymph nodes and my mom even agreed it did look slightly puffy and different than the other side. I am just spiraling. I have been trying so damn hard but I guess you can’t think your way out of actual lymphoma or something else awful. I am just a wreck and feel like I need to call my doctor and go through another battery of testing. When someone without HA can acknowledge something looks different, that’s like the nail in the coffin for me. I feel doomed and that I will never see my kids grow up.

[Fishmanpa]

Having another bad spiral. While washing my hands, I noticed one side of my neck (that I have kept my hands off for days) looked visibly puffy on the side with all of my lymph nodes and my mom even agreed it did look slightly puffy and different than the other side. I am just spiraling. I have been trying so damn hard but I guess you can’t think your way out of actual lymphoma or something else awful. I am just a wreck and feel like I need to call my doctor and go through another battery of testing. When someone without HA can acknowledge something looks different, that’s like the nail in the coffin for me. I feel doomed and that I will never see my kids grow up.

Sorry to hear this. It's sad to read Hope you feel better soon.

Positive thoughts