Armpit lumps? Maybe?

[NotDeadYet]

When someone without HA can acknowledge something looks different, that’s like the nail in the coffin for me. I feel doomed and that I will never see my kids grow up.

Worrywart84,

Dang spiral! Its OK though because this is a process.

When you inevitably checked your neck after seeing it and hearing your mom's statement, what was the result? Had the nodes changed? Had they grown? Have you all of a sudden begun having other symptoms?

Best Wishes

[Worrywart84]

I felt all 5 of that side and I’m worried two feel bigger but can’t tell for sure. One used to feel like a pea and now feels like it may be slightly bigger and then one that was ultrasounded at 1.7 cm felt bigger too so I got out measuring tape and tried to measure it and of course that’s, not super easy or accurate but it was coming in at just under 2 using this method.

The most terrifying thing is I took pictures of my neck when craned/tilted and they are all literally bulging out and I can identify and count them easily in the photo. When my neck is upright and I photograph, they disappear in the photo, and to others apparently, but I still feel like I can see them. And the puffy spot is still there even when upright.

I feel like this can’t possibly be normal.

[NotDeadYet]

So let's ground you in some reality as you are spiraling.

Trace yourself back to the trigger of this spiral. It was a visual observation by you and your mom. From what you have said:

I’m worried two feel bigger but can’t tell for sure.

One used to feel like a pea and now feels like it may be slightly bigger.

Then one that was ultrasounded at 1.7 cm felt bigger too so I got out measuring tape and tried to measure it and of course that’s, not super easy or accurate but it was coming in at just under 2 using this method.

It appears that nothing has really changed and that your HA brain is taking control. Look at the words you use: "can't tell for sure", "slightly bigger", "coming in at just under 2" (when the original measurement was 1.7 which is literally "just under 2"). The reality is that you were triggered by words and you allowed those words to run wild.

Remember that you said this just yesterday:

It literally can’t grow in a matter of hours or even days so don’t waste your time.

You're strong and can rationalize what's happening: you were triggered and you allowed it to get out of control. You can bring it back under control.

Best Wishes

[Worrywart84]

Thank you for your continued support. I had such a bad night/day yesterday. I had spiraled so hard there was no turning back so I ended up calling my doctor and was able to get in for an appointment that afternoon.

I showed her my neck and we walked through all the “new” nodes and she felt each one I pointed out. Then I tilted my head and was like “See how much they pop out!” And she’s like, “Yes I can see them but none of this looks or feels concerning to me.” And I legit was like dumbfounded—once again I craned my neck and was like, “All of this poking out lumpiness is not a concern?” And she was like, “Nope.”

So then I mentioned my other “symptoms” such as sweating at night and she said, as several people have said here, they have to be drenching to “count.”

So then she said, “Would it give you peace of mind to have another ultrasound and/or blood work?”

And then I went into my worry that it is so anxiety inducing to have to go to those appointments during Covid, how it is even more anxiety inducing to wait for results, and then most importantly, how if anything was remotely not perfect or questionable, I would spiral even deeper. For example, if a measurement changed from 1.7 to 1.8 or some blood work was a point out of range, these things would haunt me. I explained I am already haunted by the language in the last ultrasound (which, according to her is definitive for there being nothing wrong but to be seems more wishy washy.)

So anyway, this conversation ended by her saying, “Well if it won’t bring you peace of mind, then let’s not do it.” And I needed her to clarify for my stupid brain several times that the only reason these were being offered was for ME and not because she THOUGHT IT WAS NECESSARY.

So what did come out of the appointment was a referral to a therapist for CBT.

I feel...still worried of course which is no surprise because that’s what we do, right? I have even questioned myself several times already saying I should have done another ultrasound and blood work and I blew it by refusing. I also felt more sweaty last night on my legs than usual so I’ve been questioning whether or not I should have been more vocal about how sweating is not normal for me.

Anyway, I am restarting my “only check once in the morning” plan as I await my referral appointment.

[NotDeadYet]

So what did come out of the appointment was a referral to a therapist for CBT.

Excellent! You have the all clear from a medically trained professional. Now you can begin working another professional who will give you the tools you need fight this head on!

Best Wishes

[Worrywart84]

I’ve been doing ok since last seeing my doctor of not touching any lymph nodes and only looking at them in the mornings, but I am struggling at night time with sweating.

I am now waking up multiple times through the night with the backs of my knees sweaty enough to wipe off and the front of my underwear damp (I’m sleeping on my side/stomach, kind of scrunched up). I have a blanket on my legs only and so the top half of me is totally dry but the bottom half is sweaty which is not my normal.

I wake up panicking and checking my whole body and bedsheets for signs of drenching sweat and literally have to convince myself “this isn’t clinically a night sweat” so I can go back to bed. But I’m starting to wonder if it is and if all night sweats have to be truly full body drenching to count. Like if I pulled my blanket up maybe I would be sweating everywhere. I am worried I downplayed it too much when I mentioned it to the doctor and should have stressed that I have never sweat at night ever (I’m usually freezing cold and always covered) and that it did make my clothing slightly damp.

I’m just feeling like my body is trying to tell me something with these lymph nodes and sweats and no one is listening and that’s such a terrifying thought to carry throughout the day.

[NotDeadYet]

Hello Again!

Let's work through your post and use your own words to challenge your thinking.

backs of my knees sweaty enough to wipe off and the front of my underwear damp (I’m sleeping on my side/stomach, kind of scrunched up). I have a blanket on my legs only and so the top half of me is totally dry but the bottom half is sweaty which is not my normal.

“this isn’t clinically a night sweat”

Your doctor defined for you what a night sweat is. This is a clinical finding that has been researched and studied for decades. The definition doesn't change. Your description does not meet the clinical definition. Keep challenging your thinking with the quote you recite to yourself because the quote IS true!

Like if I pulled my blanket up maybe I would be sweating everywhere.

This quote here is the most logical quote if you look at it in a different way. If you pulled up your blankets to your whole body and then had the same sweating experience, the sweat would be due to the blankets and not to something physiological. Clinical night sweats are not due to heat. They are due to a physiological reaction in your body. This also confirms that if the top half of your body is not sweating because it is uncovered, then you aren't experiencing clinical night sweats.

I’m just feeling like my body is trying to tell me something with these lymph nodes and sweats and no one is listening and that’s such a terrifying thought to carry throughout the day.

Nope! It's not your body trying to tell you something, it's your brain hijaking you. Also, you spent a good deal of time with your doctor and asked multiple times for confirmation that there was nothing to worry about and she confirmed. She is clearly listening to you.

Keep challenging and stop questioning your all clear diagnosis. You've got this!

Best Wishes

[Worrywart84]

Dude seriously thank you. I really appreciate each time you respond. I never thought of the blanket thing the opposite way so that does make sense and calms me down a bit.

I hate that during the one time my brain is supposed to be calm (sleep) is now where my HA is attacking me.

I hope this therapist referral can happen soon.

Thank you again.

[wilf1]

my armpits just itch so bad no rashes , I don't think my lymph nodes are large well nothing firm and round but this itching 1 armpit itch then burn then the other then both , I've rewashed clothes ,in correct detergents used all types of creams and yet I itch so bad