And it’s me again.

So I am doing this thing where I have not allowed myself to touch my neck lymph nodes (see my previous threads) because the poking and prodding only fuels the spiral. I have made it a whole three days and counting. Woo.

So guess what I did I instead? I casually glanced at my armpit and I visually noticed what looked like little lumps. I couldn’t help but touch, expecting to find yet another terror inducing lymph node but instead I felt..nothing? I think? So I almost have the opposite problem from my neck—unless I twist my neck, I can’t see my lymph nodes but oh boy can I feel them. This armpit looks like it has two little round lumps/bumps but when I touch them there’s nothing lymph node feeling underneath.

So I have gone back and forth to feeling like well that’s nothing to hyper-obsessive over why it looks like there might be something raised or puffy or swollen there. My husband says it’s just the way my skin folds so then I started googling photos of normal armpits to see if anyone else’s looks like this. Yep. That’s how crazy I have become.

So I get that I totally have a severe case of HA over nodes and try as I might I am still getting sucked into this spiral, but then also I am now freaked out that if these are enlarged nodes somehow that I have them in multiple locations so I must have lymphoma.

I coughed a bit yesterday...lymphoma.

My legs get sweaty at night sometimes..lymphoma.

Sometimes I feel flushed or chilled...lymphoma.

I feel an itch...lymphoma.

I cannot stop obsessing over this :( :( :( :(

I told my husband if it really is lymphoma
I wish it could just be super obvious so I could stop going in circles analyzing stuff to see if it’s worthy of calling my doctor yet again.

So I’m wondering if I call my doctor, preface that I am having a really bad spiral, go in for an appointment to see what she thinks of my neck (where I’ve gone digging and found new nodes), my armpit and my occasional random symptoms and see what she thinks and then if all is well, ask for a referral for someone who can help me with my HA (I saw two people previously, but neither are currently practicing)....or just do that last part.

Or just keep trying to battle here solo.

I am just exhausted with worry.

Always appreciate any feedback—it’s so much easier to see a situation when it isn’t your own.