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Thread: Main bread winner, now unemployed, career ruined, depressed and near giving up

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    4,185

    Re: Main bread winner, now unemployed, career ruined, depressed and near giving up

    Sorry that things are tough Mr L.
    I know how hard it can be stuck at home without work, and how it plays on your mind.
    None of this is your fault though, but even if it was - there’s no point torturing yourself about it.

    Have you updated your CV? I read lots of websites about CVS, cover letters and interviews when I was last struggling to find work. I think they really helped me, especially the interview techniques.

    With regards to your brother - what they did is really crappy. But stop letting it eat at you, it won’t help your mood or self esteem. If you want to have a relationship with your brother then now is probably a good time to start it up again.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    1,478

    Re: Main bread winner, now unemployed, career ruined, depressed and near giving up

    To be honest, I'm not fussed with building a relationship with him anymore. They were quite unsympathetic when I was mentally unwell, and they've been quite callous about how they've gone about things since I was made redundant. They're even thinking of expanding their business, which is even more of a kick in the teeth for me!

    I've sent my CV out to lots of design agencies and places that have in-house marketing departments, and I've applied to over a dozen jobs the past week so we'll see what happens.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    1,605

    Re: Main bread winner, now unemployed, career ruined, depressed and near giving up

    Quote Originally Posted by MrLurcher View Post
    To be honest, I'm not fussed with building a relationship with him anymore. They were quite unsympathetic when I was mentally unwell, and they've been quite callous about how they've gone about things since I was made redundant. They're even thinking of expanding their business, which is even more of a kick in the teeth for me!

    I've sent my CV out to lots of design agencies and places that have in-house marketing departments, and I've applied to over a dozen jobs the past week so we'll see what happens.
    I know how you feel Mr Lurcher, get this....... My brother was down on his knees for many, many years. I helped him financially and mentally for many years and in 2000 after I had got him a job in a certain industry he decided to start his own business within that industry.
    I then helped him start that up and I rekon it cost me around fifty to seventy grand, plus I gave him a rent free office, he paid NO business rates, paid his phone bills, accountancy bills, paid for private healthcare for him and me and my staff answered phone calls when he was out and about.
    I did that for ten years with him having no office bills etc and the fifty to seventy grand. He met his nasty, poison Dwarf wife during this period and towards the end of this period and things were being said like "matt does nothing to help us" etc, but I ignored it but WTF! Eh?!
    Anyway about a year after my brother had moved his business out of my premises and all the support, my business started to struggle, so I decided to pack it in and my brother gave me a job. It was just what I needed, it was minimum wage, but it got me out and about, but he gave me all the crap jobs and buy now i had lost everything and he was driving round in new vehicles etc and I had lost everything. Looking back now, if it was me and he had done everything for me that I'd done for him I'd of looked after him, but no and all the "matt does nothing for us" etc started again from his poison Dwarf wife, but now it had started to come out of my brothers mouth too, so I told him it had to stop, that was all and the next day I got a sh*ty letter and he sacked me!!!
    He left me with nothing and when he sacked me my son was three and a half!!! And now he had everything!!
    My brother was my best mate, we did everything together and he did that to me!! He is comfortable now and wouldn't have that if if wasn't for me! We don't even get a thanks for his kids birthday and Christmas presents, yet we say thanks everytime for the presents he gives my son and all I get from my mum is "are you going to make it up with your brother"! No chance! I've only spoken to him a couple of times in seven years now and all I want to do is punch him in the face! Ignorant tosspot!

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    1,605

    Re: Main bread winner, now unemployed, career ruined, depressed and near giving up

    Quote Originally Posted by BikerMatt View Post
    I know how you feel Mr Lurcher, get this....... My brother was down on his knees for many, many years. I helped him financially and mentally for many years and in 2000 after I had got him a job in a certain industry he decided to start his own business within that industry.
    I then helped him start that up and I rekon it cost me around fifty to seventy grand, plus I gave him a rent free office, he paid NO business rates, paid his phone bills, accountancy bills, paid for private healthcare for him and me and my staff answered phone calls when he was out and about.
    I did that for ten years with him having no office bills etc and the fifty to seventy grand. He met his nasty, poison Dwarf wife during this period and towards the end of this period and things were being said like "matt does nothing to help us" etc, but I ignored it but WTF! Eh?!
    Anyway about a year after my brother had moved his business out of my premises and all the support, my business started to struggle, so I decided to pack it in and my brother gave me a job. It was just what I needed, it was minimum wage, but it got me out and about, but he gave me all the crap jobs and buy now i had lost everything and he was driving round in new vehicles etc and I had lost everything. Looking back now, if it was me and he had done everything for me that I'd done for him I'd of looked after him, but no and all the "matt does nothing for us" etc started again from his poison Dwarf wife, but now it had started to come out of my brothers mouth too, so I told him it had to stop, that was all and the next day I got a sh*ty letter and he sacked me!!!
    He left me with nothing and when he sacked me my son was three and a half!!! And now he had everything!!
    My brother was my best mate, we did everything together and he did that to me!! He is comfortable now and wouldn't have that if if wasn't for me! We don't even get a thanks for his kids birthday and Christmas presents, yet we say thanks everytime for the presents he gives my son and all I get from my mum is "are you going to make it up with your brother"! No chance! I've only spoken to him a couple of times in seven years now and all I want to do is punch him in the face! Ignorant tosspot!
    Sorry had to get that off my chest! But like you my mental health was also used against me!

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    1,478

    Re: Main bread winner, now unemployed, career ruined, depressed and near giving up

    Quote Originally Posted by BikerMatt View Post
    I know how you feel Mr Lurcher, get this....... My brother was down on his knees for many, many years. I helped him financially and mentally for many years and in 2000 after I had got him a job in a certain industry he decided to start his own business within that industry.
    I then helped him start that up and I rekon it cost me around fifty to seventy grand, plus I gave him a rent free office, he paid NO business rates, paid his phone bills, accountancy bills, paid for private healthcare for him and me and my staff answered phone calls when he was out and about.
    I did that for ten years with him having no office bills etc and the fifty to seventy grand. He met his nasty, poison Dwarf wife during this period and towards the end of this period and things were being said like "matt does nothing to help us" etc, but I ignored it but WTF! Eh?!
    Anyway about a year after my brother had moved his business out of my premises and all the support, my business started to struggle, so I decided to pack it in and my brother gave me a job. It was just what I needed, it was minimum wage, but it got me out and about, but he gave me all the crap jobs and buy now i had lost everything and he was driving round in new vehicles etc and I had lost everything. Looking back now, if it was me and he had done everything for me that I'd done for him I'd of looked after him, but no and all the "matt does nothing for us" etc started again from his poison Dwarf wife, but now it had started to come out of my brothers mouth too, so I told him it had to stop, that was all and the next day I got a sh*ty letter and he sacked me!!!
    He left me with nothing and when he sacked me my son was three and a half!!! And now he had everything!!
    My brother was my best mate, we did everything together and he did that to me!! He is comfortable now and wouldn't have that if if wasn't for me! We don't even get a thanks for his kids birthday and Christmas presents, yet we say thanks everytime for the presents he gives my son and all I get from my mum is "are you going to make it up with your brother"! No chance! I've only spoken to him a couple of times in seven years now and all I want to do is punch him in the face! Ignorant tosspot!
    Thanks for the reply Matt. That's absolutely awful - and I have to admit, much worse than what I've gone through. How are you doing now, mentally and financially?

    Had to laugh at the 'poison dwarf' label, that's one of my dads' favourite phrases for wives of friends he doesn't like!

    Tbh, I could have performed better during my last year with the business, but their treatment of me made me so unmotivated. They blamed me for everything that went wrong, probably because I was an easy target. One of the last examples which really messed me over, was where myself, brother, sister in law, sister in law's brother and cousin were working on launching a product. My sister in law's brother was leading on the project. I had to get in quotes for the packaging, and design it. I presented everything in a meeting, and gave all the documents to my sister in law's brother, but nothing was done about it for the next 3 weeks. The launch date was just around the corner, and then I was cornered in another meeting about why things had not been ordered and now the launch date will be missed. Despite me defending that I had done my bit on the project, the blame was all laid on me. This happened 2/3 times over the course of 3/4 months.

    Then there were the hours. I was initially allowed to work 2 days from home due to the commute, but they refused to let me do that after my breakdown (again, getting punished for having a mental health issue). My hours were slowly getting stretched all the time as well, with constant half jokey/serious comments from my brother like 'you're leaving already?!'.

    I was ready to patch things up after redundancy, but the fact they then outsourced all my jobs to third parties while also keeping all other friends and family staff members employed really upset me. I got wind of the outsourcing before my redundancy package was finalised, so I actually threatened them with a tribunal for constructive dismissal. Of course, I was rang up shortly after with my brother saying my sister in law was in tears about the whole thing, and she never wanted things to go like this. What was she expecting then?!

    The last time I spoke to my brother about this was in October, where it all blew up again. I told them I was still hurt, and all they could say back was 'they're still upset about my lack of interest in the job while I was employed - but they had forgiven me'. Oh, so now I was 'forgiven' for suffering from a mental health issue?! I held my hand up and admitted there were things I could have done better, but they never admitted to their wrongdoings.
    Last edited by MrLurcher; 18-01-21 at 16:43.

  6. #16
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    3,253

    Re: Main bread winner, now unemployed, career ruined, depressed and near giving up

    Boy it really sounds like you know your stuff in your chosen vocation. You're obviously not lazy. Of course it's difficult not to get down but you've got to punch on through. Not many on these boards haven't been where you are to one degree or another, myself included. What choice do you have? You gotta keep slugging. Persistence and perseverance is what's going to win the day for you in the end. Talking it out here is definitely good. And this covid thing will be behind us soon. Opportunities will present themselves. Hang in there friend.

    N.

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