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Thread: Main bread winner, now unemployed, career ruined, depressed and near giving up

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
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    864

    Main bread winner, now unemployed, career ruined, depressed and near giving up

    I wasn't sure whether to post this under my 'Various Health Fears' thread in the Health anxiety section, but this is just a generic depressed, fed up with life vent. Sorry, this is long, but I just need to get this off my chest.

    I've spent the last 6 years being the main bread winner for my family, as my partner decided to be a stay at home mum. It wasnt really worth her going back to work as whatever she earnt would have gone on childcare. We've had child benefit and also child tax credits, but the credits have slowly decreased over the years while my wage hasn't changed that much at all.

    Life has been tough, and for the past few years I'be really struggled with the responsibility of being the main bread winner. Two years ago I left a job to work for my brother and his partners' business. Probably the worst decision in my life. My previous job was comfortable and I was good at what I did, it was a 60million a year turnover business, and I was the head graphic designer and digital marketer on charge of 5 brands under the main company. My brothers' business was a small start up in hospitality, so it was always a risky move - I was doing the same line of work. Unfortunately I suffered a sort of breakdown 6 months into my job, centred around HA - as has been documented on here, but also due to a complete lack of challenging workload, and also the personal worries I had about working for a new company. I was apparently the highest paid member of staff in the business, even more than my brother and partner, and I hated that.

    2 months after my breakdown, my brother and his partner decided that I wasn't performing well enough, which was fair enough - I was still recovering. They decided to change my job to a manual worker, however they also gave me a 6k pay cut. I didn't agree to this, they just did it. They also insisted that I had to travel to work each day, an hours' drive, whereas the agreement when I started that I was going to work 2 days from home. I did 6 months of this with blending in my previous role, struggling even more financially with lower pay. However after reinstating my proper job title and pay, they still insisted on me travelling to work and used to always change my hours - I agreed to work 8-4, this then turned into 8-5, then finally 8-6 some days. I was hardly seeing my children in the weekdays.

    Things were difficult up until covid. We were having regular arguments about work, and I could feel myself being phased out. My sister in law's cousin and brother came to work, and they more or less handed some of my tasks to them.

    Lockdown came, and they completely shut me off. I was in charge of the online shop, but my sister in law's cousin and brother took that over (not agreed with me). Then in July, to my surprise they made me redundant. I was the only family member/close friend type of employee to lose my job. All my sister in law's family kept their jobs, as well as her best friend and her brothers best friend. They have since outsourced all my jobs and tasks to third party businesses - web company / marketing company etc. So the whole bu**shit that they didn't need a design/marketing person was just a lie, and they only made me redundant for personal reasons.It really, really upset me.

    Needles to say I became very bitter and shut them off for months - I haven't spoken that much to my brother since then tbh, and I have no plans to speak to my sister in law who I feel was behind it all.

    So I felt stressed and depressed for a few months, sending out my CV, applied for over 20 jobs, until I was approached by the local authority media team, who interviewed me a few years ago, asking if I wanted to work on a contractual basis. I agreed as the pay was great and I needed money. I worked there until just before xmas and absolutely loved it. They let me go as there wasnt a budget for a contracted designer, but they had plans to advertise for an employed position. They've now advertised a senior role, of which I'm sure the internal designers will go for. So if one of them get it, a job will open up that I could apply for. But if the senior job goes to an external candidate, there's nothing for me. Of course I'll apply for the Senior role anyway, I was shortlisted down to the last 5 when this job was advertised 4 years ago.

    But right now, I'm unemployed again, stressed and depressed. I've still got a mixture of bitter feelings towards my brother and sister in law which I can't shift. I still hate what they did to me. I've applied for 3 jobs since the new year - very basic jobs within the local authority, and got nothing. I just feel absolutely hopeless. Three years ago I was in such a great position, and threw it all away to work for a family business filled with nepotism and bitchiness. I was supposed to be the main bread winner for my family and I messed it all up. I feel like I've completely finished my career as jobs in this line of work (design/marketing) are hard to come by in this part of world.

    I appreciate anyone who reads and responds to this, I know it's long winded, but I don't have many people to talk to about this anymore. Thanks
    Last edited by MrLurcher; 12-01-21 at 14:37.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
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    5,040

    Re: Main bread winner, now unemployed, career ruined, depressed and near giving up

    Thinking of you. Feel free to DM me any time you like, okay?
    __________________
    ************************************************** ********
    Sometimes, it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness. - Terry Pratchett

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Posts
    864

    Re: Main bread winner, now unemployed, career ruined, depressed and near giving up

    Quote Originally Posted by BlueIris View Post
    Thinking of you. Feel free to DM me any time you like, okay?
    Hiya, many thanks, I might do that. I just don't like to pester people because I know everyone's got their own problems, but it's been a bit overwhelming past few days.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Posts
    5,040

    Re: Main bread winner, now unemployed, career ruined, depressed and near giving up

    Okay, this right here is me telling you you won't be pestering me, got it? Things are going pretty well for me right now, my shoulders are broad enough.
    __________________
    ************************************************** ********
    Sometimes, it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness. - Terry Pratchett

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    2,035

    Re: Main bread winner, now unemployed, career ruined, depressed and near giving up

    Quote Originally Posted by MrLurcher View Post
    But right now, I'm unemployed again, stressed and depressed. I've still got a mixture of bitter feelings towards my brother and sister in law which I can't shift. I still hate what they did to me. I've applied for 3 jobs since the new year - very basic jobs within the local authority, and got nothing. I just feel absolutely hopeless. Three years ago I was in such a great position, and threw it all away to work for a family business filled with nepotism and bitchiness. I was supposed to be the main bread winner for my family and I messed it all up. I feel like I've completely finished my career as jobs in this line of work (design/marketing) are hard to come by in this part of world.
    Sorry life has kicked you in the nads Mr Lurcher - this is a tough blow to be sure.

    Same as Blue - DM me if you want to.



    I appreciate anyone who reads and responds to this, I know it's long winded, but I don't have many people to talk to about this anymore. Thanks[/QUOTE]
    __________________
    I'm not afraid of death because I don't believe in it. It's just getting out of one car, and into another. ~ John Lennon

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2020
    Posts
    204

    Re: Main bread winner, now unemployed, career ruined, depressed and near giving up

    Quote Originally Posted by MrLurcher View Post
    I wasn't sure whether to post this under my 'Various Health Fears' thread in the Health anxiety section, but this is just a generic depressed, fed up with life vent. Sorry, this is long, but I just need to get this off my chest.

    I've spent the last 6 years being the main bread winner for my family, as my partner decided to be a stay at home mum. It wasnt really worth her going back to work as whatever she earnt would have gone on childcare. We've had child benefit and also child tax credits, but the credits have slowly decreased over the years while my wage hasn't changed that much at all.

    Life has been tough, and for the past few years I'be really struggled with the responsibility of being the main bread winner. Two years ago I left a job to work for my brother and his partners' business. Probably the worst decision in my life. My previous job was comfortable and I was good at what I did, it was a 60million a year turnover business, and I was the head graphic designer and digital marketer on charge of 5 brands under the main company. My brothers' business was a small start up in hospitality, so it was always a risky move - I was doing the same line of work. Unfortunately I suffered a sort of breakdown 6 months into my job, centred around HA - as has been documented on here, but also due to a complete lack of challenging workload, and also the personal worries I had about working for a new company. I was apparently the highest paid member of staff in the business, even more than my brother and partner, and I hated that.

    2 months after my breakdown, my brother and his partner decided that I wasn't performing well enough, which was fair enough - I was still recovering. They decided to change my job to a manual worker, however they also gave me a 6k pay cut. I didn't agree to this, they just did it. They also insisted that I had to travel to work each day, an hours' drive, whereas the agreement when I started that I was going to work 2 days from home. I did 6 months of this with blending in my previous role, struggling even more financially with lower pay. However after reinstating my proper job title and pay, they still insisted on me travelling to work and used to always change my hours - I agreed to work 8-4, this then turned into 8-5, then finally 8-6 some days. I was hardly seeing my children in the weekdays.

    Things were difficult up until covid. We were having regular arguments about work, and I could feel myself being phased out. My sister in law's cousin and brother came to work, and they more or less handed some of my tasks to them.

    Lockdown came, and they completely shut me off. I was in charge of the online shop, but my sister in law's cousin and brother took that over (not agreed with me). Then in July, to my surprise they made me redundant. I was the only family member/close friend type of employee to lose my job. All my sister in law's family kept their jobs, as well as her best friend and her brothers best friend. They have since outsourced all my jobs and tasks to third party businesses - web company / marketing company etc. So the whole bu**shit that they didn't need a design/marketing person was just a lie, and they only made me redundant for personal reasons.It really, really upset me.

    Needles to say I became very bitter and shut them off for months - I haven't spoken that much to my brother since then tbh, and I have no plans to speak to my sister in law who I feel was behind it all.

    So I felt stressed and depressed for a few months, sending out my CV, applied for over 20 jobs, until I was approached by the local authority media team, who interviewed me a few years ago, asking if I wanted to work on a contractual basis. I agreed as the pay was great and I needed money. I worked there until just before xmas and absolutely loved it. They let me go as there wasnt a budget for a contracted designer, but they had plans to advertise for an employed position. They've now advertised a senior role, of which I'm sure the internal designers will go for. So if one of them get it, a job will open up that I could apply for. But if the senior job goes to an external candidate, there's nothing for me. Of course I'll apply for the Senior role anyway, I was shortlisted down to the last 5 when this job was advertised 4 years ago.

    But right now, I'm unemployed again, stressed and depressed. I've still got a mixture of bitter feelings towards my brother and sister in law which I can't shift. I still hate what they did to me. I've applied for 3 jobs since the new year - very basic jobs within the local authority, and got nothing. I just feel absolutely hopeless. Three years ago I was in such a great position, and threw it all away to work for a family business filled with nepotism and bitchiness. I was supposed to be the main bread winner for my family and I messed it all up. I feel like I've completely finished my career as jobs in this line of work (design/marketing) are hard to come by in this part of world.

    I appreciate anyone who reads and responds to this, I know it's long winded, but I don't have many people to talk to about this anymore. Thanks
    Hi Mr.Lurcher no you havenít messed it all up you just did what you thought was right at the time, its all any of us can do really. Youíre partner & children love you & iím sure appreciate all that you do for them. Its such a hard time with securing a new job at the moment but iím sure you will get something eventually. Your brother & sister in law treated you badly & you canít change that but you can change how you react to it, donít let them bring you down & try not to dwell on it, onwards & upwards as hard as that may be. Could you do anything on a self employed basis, would you be able to offer your services online even if its something different to what you have been doing. I really wish you well & vent as much as you need to weíre all here to listen & offer support. Take care.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    126

    Re: Main bread winner, now unemployed, career ruined, depressed and near giving up

    Quote Originally Posted by MrLurcher View Post
    I wasn't sure whether to post this under my 'Various Health Fears' thread in the Health anxiety section, but this is just a generic depressed, fed up with life vent. Sorry, this is long, but I just need to get this off my chest.

    I've spent the last 6 years being the main bread winner for my family, as my partner decided to be a stay at home mum. It wasnt really worth her going back to work as whatever she earnt would have gone on childcare. We've had child benefit and also child tax credits, but the credits have slowly decreased over the years while my wage hasn't changed that much at all.

    Life has been tough, and for the past few years I'be really struggled with the responsibility of being the main bread winner. Two years ago I left a job to work for my brother and his partners' business. Probably the worst decision in my life. My previous job was comfortable and I was good at what I did, it was a 60million a year turnover business, and I was the head graphic designer and digital marketer on charge of 5 brands under the main company. My brothers' business was a small start up in hospitality, so it was always a risky move - I was doing the same line of work. Unfortunately I suffered a sort of breakdown 6 months into my job, centred around HA - as has been documented on here, but also due to a complete lack of challenging workload, and also the personal worries I had about working for a new company. I was apparently the highest paid member of staff in the business, even more than my brother and partner, and I hated that.

    2 months after my breakdown, my brother and his partner decided that I wasn't performing well enough, which was fair enough - I was still recovering. They decided to change my job to a manual worker, however they also gave me a 6k pay cut. I didn't agree to this, they just did it. They also insisted that I had to travel to work each day, an hours' drive, whereas the agreement when I started that I was going to work 2 days from home. I did 6 months of this with blending in my previous role, struggling even more financially with lower pay. However after reinstating my proper job title and pay, they still insisted on me travelling to work and used to always change my hours - I agreed to work 8-4, this then turned into 8-5, then finally 8-6 some days. I was hardly seeing my children in the weekdays.

    Things were difficult up until covid. We were having regular arguments about work, and I could feel myself being phased out. My sister in law's cousin and brother came to work, and they more or less handed some of my tasks to them.

    Lockdown came, and they completely shut me off. I was in charge of the online shop, but my sister in law's cousin and brother took that over (not agreed with me). Then in July, to my surprise they made me redundant. I was the only family member/close friend type of employee to lose my job. All my sister in law's family kept their jobs, as well as her best friend and her brothers best friend. They have since outsourced all my jobs and tasks to third party businesses - web company / marketing company etc. So the whole bu**shit that they didn't need a design/marketing person was just a lie, and they only made me redundant for personal reasons.It really, really upset me.

    Needles to say I became very bitter and shut them off for months - I haven't spoken that much to my brother since then tbh, and I have no plans to speak to my sister in law who I feel was behind it all.

    So I felt stressed and depressed for a few months, sending out my CV, applied for over 20 jobs, until I was approached by the local authority media team, who interviewed me a few years ago, asking if I wanted to work on a contractual basis. I agreed as the pay was great and I needed money. I worked there until just before xmas and absolutely loved it. They let me go as there wasnt a budget for a contracted designer, but they had plans to advertise for an employed position. They've now advertised a senior role, of which I'm sure the internal designers will go for. So if one of them get it, a job will open up that I could apply for. But if the senior job goes to an external candidate, there's nothing for me. Of course I'll apply for the Senior role anyway, I was shortlisted down to the last 5 when this job was advertised 4 years ago.

    But right now, I'm unemployed again, stressed and depressed. I've still got a mixture of bitter feelings towards my brother and sister in law which I can't shift. I still hate what they did to me. I've applied for 3 jobs since the new year - very basic jobs within the local authority, and got nothing. I just feel absolutely hopeless. Three years ago I was in such a great position, and threw it all away to work for a family business filled with nepotism and bitchiness. I was supposed to be the main bread winner for my family and I messed it all up. I feel like I've completely finished my career as jobs in this line of work (design/marketing) are hard to come by in this part of world.

    I appreciate anyone who reads and responds to this, I know it's long winded, but I don't have many people to talk to about this anymore. Thanks

    No need to think like that, this is the internet age, design and marketing can be done from anywhere on the planet. Have you considered working freelance? You obviously have the skill and experience, it would be well worth putting together a portfolio of your previous work and avertising your services on a freelancing website like Fiver or Upwork. At the very least a few commissions might help tide you over until you find more regular work.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2020
    Posts
    1,913

    Re: Main bread winner, now unemployed, career ruined, depressed and near giving up

    Quote Originally Posted by Captain irrational View Post
    No need to think like that, this is the internet age, design and marketing can be done from anywhere on the planet. Have you considered working freelance? You obviously have the skill and experience, it would be well worth putting together a portfolio of your previous work and avertising your services on a freelancing website like Fiver or Upwork. At the very least a few commissions might help tide you over until you find more regular work.
    Also economic crises don't last forever, things always pick back up again eventually.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    12,048

    Re: Main bread winner, now unemployed, career ruined, depressed and near giving up

    I'm so sorry you feel so low, Mr L. I'd just like to say that you are worth so much more than a job. You may consider yourself the breadwinner but you obviously have an impressive skills set which could be adapted to the current circumstances. Don't let yourself be dragged down by job loss-you have a partner and young family who love you for who you are , not for how much you earn. Money coming in is important of course..but your mental health is paramount in all this and you need to stay focused on getting another job which suits you.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    1,585

    Re: Main bread winner, now unemployed, career ruined, depressed and near giving up

    So sorry to hear this Mr L. You must be feeling very hurt and betrayed. But you will get through this. Thinking of you x

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