Originally Posted by
Lana
Dear,
I am very sorry you have such a hard time, and I am hoping it will get better soon. I just wanted to offer some words of hope, consolation and encouragement, from my own experience.
My anxiety started when I was about 44 years old, and I am now more than 10 years older. It started with horrible fear of colon cancer, so I had my colonoscopy then, immediately, which was all clear. However, the vicious circle continued, and I honestly have no idea how many illnesses I "had". I saw numerous doctors, I saw 7 different psychiatrists/therapists, and was on Clonopin , Zoloft and Lexapro for years. Nothing really helped, or rather, every relief was short lived. Now looking back, I believe I have suffered from severe PTSD (I came to the USA from a war ravaged country), but also very severe post partum depression. None of the "highly qualified" therapists that I spent thousands of dollars on, ever diagnosed me with these two: it is me, myself, who worked on myself truly hard and realized what potential issues may have caused my depression, and then severe anxiety. I was laso scared to death that I will soon die and my boy ( born 1998), will be left without me. I was so fing scared by that thought that I never really got to enjoy my son when he was small and young ,( thank dear God, I am enjoying every minute spent with him now). In all this, over the course of several years, I developed bad IBS, and carpal tunnel in both arms, which got very severe. Naturally, at some point I started believing I have a brain tumor or something else neurological. Then I started being dizzy, and my left leg starting tingling , and then I lost hearing in my left ear. That sent me to brain MRI, and that was clear. The reason for ( sometimes severe) neurological issues, was actually my menopause, through which I started going around 45, and it kept on lasting forever. Menopause can be absolutely horrible period for many women (some have it pretty easy, like my late mother for example), but nobody tells you this. When I hear that menopause is hot flashes, I want to scream, because it is so, so, so much more, and worse.
What I am trying to tell you that you probably started peri menopause and it will bring the onset of a lot of issues, that feel truly real; I could never even imagine that peri menopause and the actual menopause can be so severe. I also want to tell you that the chances of you having anything serious with your colon, after clean colonoscopy 4 years ago, are close to none. I understand you have fear from mammograms, but you go regularly, and that should give you great assurance. Try to keep yourself away from toxic news , try to be gentle on yourself. I gave up on all the therapy and all the medication - I currently use only Amitriptyline to help my IBS, and this in a very small dose. I realized at some point that nobody can help my but me. Nobody. I know it is very hard, it can be unbearable, I have gone through hell. Do not get me wrong: i still suffer from health anxiety, and in the meantime I also became severe germaphob - but I am trying every singled day not to give in to these horrible states of mind, and fears. I actually am scared of fear itself the most. Please do not hesitate to PM me if you want, and all the best to you. Do not forget : much of it is the damned perimenopause and later menopause, do not forget that.