Adverse effects of mindfulness?

[pulisa]

No, of course I don't. I don't want any of this.

Think carefully about this statement

[LittleLionMan]

Think carefully about this statement

I don't get it?

I mean I don't want anxiety to be an issue in my life. I don't think any of us do, do we?

[Fishmanpa]

I've been participating here for years as have many that respond to you. What we see and you don't (and frankly cannot in your current state) is the pattern of reassurance/attention seeking and not seeing outside the bubble of your own self and your mental illness. There are several members that have the same pattern. Some are better than others in how they manipulate and articulate their words to garner the attention they seek, but essentially they're the same. The negativity you see is due to the frustration of watching you continually shoot yourself in the foot and complain it's hard to walk!

You've gotten some great advice just like the other serial posters have, but these are just words on a screen on an internet forum written by strangers, many of which have gone through what you're going through and much, much worse. The bottom line is it's up to you to take action. The words will do nothing unless you take the initiative and the truth is, one click of the little "x" on your browser and it's back to your reality which obviously scares the crap out of you.

My mother suffered from severe mental illness. To me when I was growing up, I just thought she was weird. She suffered her whole life, was on meds and went to therapy her entire adult life. While she had many periods of relative sanity, it always lurked and it came back in full force at the end of her life along with dementia. My ex suffered from severe depression which manifested into hoarding. My daughter suffers from anxiety and depression but she works her ass off and while she has her moments, she's doing well. Sadly for some, like my mother, their mental illness is terminal so to speak. I personally have dealt with depression and what I called "scanxiety" due to my real health issues. But I recognized it, went to therapy and used meds to overcome it. I still have my moments but I learned how to deal with them. Mental health issues or not, we all struggle with aspects of our lives. It's how we handle them that dictates the outcome. "Life is 10% what happens to us, 90% how we handle it" - Charles Swindoll

There are many, many members that I communicated with through the years. Many have taken on the dragon and moved on with their lives. Some of which I'm still in touch with via social media and are doing well. They have their moments but have learned how to deal with them.

I type all this because unlike many serial posters, you have a self awareness of your situation. Its just that you're seem to be too deep in the rabbit hole and can't reach the edge to pull yourself out at the moment. Many are saying not to post because it's just feeding your dragon (and it is!). I get that it's cathartic to write out your thoughts but perhaps doing so in a private journal as opposed to publicly on the forum/internet would be more productive and healthier mentally, and it would also remove the reassurance and attention seeking aspects which are so detrimental to your recovery.

Again, these are just words on a screen but they come from personal experience. Whether you take them in and act on your own behalf is up to you and remains to be seen.

FMP

[LittleLionMan]

Hi Fish,

I am planning to take a break from here. I also have some other ideas of things that I'm going to attempt (some quite simple, some ludicrous), so it will be interesting to see if things do improve.

The frustrations with myself come from both sides. Where people are frustrated with me because I struggle to implement what I'm being told, I get frustrated and confused, because it seems so simple, but my head turns it into a minefield, and everything seems a far greater deal than I can even explain.

I have to stop playing this game with my own mind I think, and the easiest way is to take my ball home, and leave it to play on its own. Hopefully the lack of back and forth means it gets bored and f*cks off home itself!

Take care, and thanks.

PHR.

[Scissel]

Truthfully.. breaks form forums are awesome! Logging in here every day and staying glued to this forum (as I see you're online a lot), this *could* be actually working against you. Enjoy (Yes.. enjoy) the break, and work on yourself - total body - not just re your anxiety. You have to break the cycle. If I stayed here all day; and trust me, I deal with (manage) my own crap, I'd quickly wind up in that cycle, as well. Get outside everyday. Find something to enjoy. Little things count.

[pulisa]

Hi Fish,

I am planning to take a break from here. I also have some other ideas of things that I'm going to attempt (some quite simple, some ludicrous), so it will be interesting to see if things do improve.

The frustrations with myself come from both sides. Where people are frustrated with me because I struggle to implement what I'm being told, I get frustrated and confused, because it seems so simple, but my head turns it into a minefield, and everything seems a far greater deal than I can even explain.

I have to stop playing this game with my own mind I think, and the easiest way is to take my ball home, and leave it to play on its own. Hopefully the lack of back and forth means it gets bored and f*cks off home itself!

Take care, and thanks.

PHR.

I hope you are able to take a break from here, Phil. You don't need to keep a diary of your angst. I hope you can enjoy a coffee again without worrying, just for starters. Spontaneity is such a precious life skill to have.

[LittleLionMan]

I hope you are able to take a break from here, Phil. You don't need to keep a diary of your angst. I hope you can enjoy a coffee again without worrying, just for starters. Spontaneity is such a precious life skill to have.

Thank you.

[LittleLionMan]

Truthfully.. breaks form forums are awesome! Logging in here every day and staying glued to this forum (as I see you're online a lot), this *could* be actually working against you. Enjoy (Yes.. enjoy) the break, and work on yourself - total body - not just re your anxiety. You have to break the cycle. If I stayed here all day; and trust me, I deal with (manage) my own crap, I'd quickly wind up in that cycle, as well. Get outside everyday. Find something to enjoy. Little things count.

Hopefully it does me good. Cheers.

[Alde]

Hi PHR,

Just wanted to chime in with some more advice as someone who’s been where you are, although it is a lot like advice already given I’m afraid.

Trying to be mindful didn’t work for me either and I get completely what you’re saying about it taking you further into your own mind.

I was stuck in my own thoughts and feelings for what seemed like forever (was about a year and a half, which in retrospect is a small amount of time). You can check out my post history if you want, you’ll see how messed up my head was. Couldn’t think about anything other than how I was feeling. Had shit loads of therapy (paid for and NHS) and different meds but I don’t know what really helped other than time. Given time, your mind will go back to how it was. You have to trust and believe in yourself.

I would recommend getting off here, I didn’t really start getting better until I stopped posting & reading everything on here. By coming on here, posting and reading, you’re keeping how you’re feeling at the front of your mind and you’ll never get better like that.

Of course, this forum can be great for talking to likeminded people & seeing that you’re not alone with how you’re feeling, I had some great advice that I still remind myself of. However, when you’re as deep in as you are at the moment, and I was, it’s not helpful to keep thinking and writing about how you are feeling.

Do something you enjoy, or used to enjoy. Eventually you’ll find yourself not thinking about how you feel, if only for a small time, and you’ll know your mind is on the way to fixing itself.

It won’t happen overnight pal, but it will happen and you’ll have a new love for life.

I’m sorry I can’t explain it any better, I don’t really know what changed for me to start feeling better. But you’ll get there and eventually be coming back on here trying to put stuff into words to other people, hopefully a bit better than I am lol.

You’ll get there mate, trust and believe in yourself and you’ll be fine.

Take care,

Al

[LittleLionMan]

I think that's what I have to accept. That it's going to take time, pain and patience.

Very reassuring to hear it passed for you though, thanks for that!

Hope you are doing OK.

PHR.