Scared I have cirrhosis of the liver

[alcopop]

Hi all. I'm currently having a terrible anxiety thinking I've wrecked my liver through drinking.
I'm female, 34 and have been drinking more than I should for about 10 years now ever since a nasty breakup and to cope with health anxiety (ironic, I know). I only really drink beers, and am recently drinking up to seven cans an evening on bad days or 5 on other nights. It's become a total habit and I have tried to stop in the past, but I really do want to stop and lose weight etc.
I have been getting a dull pain below my right ribs lately, and the area feels full, especially when breathing in.
From reading others' posts here and elsewhere, I seem to be drinking a lot more than most, and I fear I really am on the worst end of drinkers in terms of how much.
I am terrified I have fudged my liver up and will need a transplant or something. I am a bag of nerves and cannot eat due to the anxiety. I feel a bit itchy all over too which I'm worried is the cirrhosis... Argh. I hate myself for having no willpower and putting beer before my health.
I have had liver function tests in the past, and they have come back as fine...but I'm worried my recent lockdown drinking has pushed my liver to the brink.
I have made an appointment with the doctor explaining I am worried and have been drinking a lot, requesting a liver function test.
Is the amount I drink at a shocking level to you? I really need some advice and reassurance as I'm in a terrible mess.

How likely is it I could be diagnosed with Cirrhosis without any of the other liver-related symptoms such as jaundice, ascites, dark urine etc? Like, would there be several warning signs, interventions, fatty liver diagnosis before the point of getting to cirrhosis?

I'm going out of my mind with worry.
I am not drinking tonight for the first time in years and my anxiety is through the roof.

Thanks in advance. I feel so very ashamed and embarrassed.

[alcopop]

OK, no response. I guess that's cos I'm just another useless alchy who has brought their problems on by themselves. Thanks anyway :(

[BlueIris]

It's been less than 24 hours! I know you're afraid, but that's no excuse to be so passive aggressive.

Only a doctor can tell if you've damaged your liver; you know you've made some unwise choices but that doesn't mean it's necessarily the worst case scenario.

Please don't be rude to us? Pretty much all of us have anxiety conditions of our own and all of us help out where we can out of the goodness of our hearts.

[NotDeadYet]

Alcopop

First, your post hasn't been up for 24-hours so please don't make an assumption as to why nobody has responded. Sometimes it just takes time for people to get to it and formulate a response.

Second, there's no need to feel shame. It's evident you are feeling that from your response to your own post. Shame won't help in your HA recovery so try putting that aside and recognize that just being here shows you're trying.

Third, I'm not a doctor, nobody here is, so you probably won't get answers to your medical related questions.

In terms of your anxiety, I think you have a plan in place to take care of yourself. Meeting with your doctor and discussing your concerns is an amazing first start. They will not only be able to help you with your liver specific concerns but also with unhealthy habits you feel you've created.

There's hope and you seem to be on the right path.

Best Wishes

[Cariad1]

Sounds like you have been through a really tough time alcopop.

I don’t think anyone here would judge you, we are all battling our own demons but no one can truly tell you what, if any, damage has been done.

You have taken the first step already by realising you want to make changes so why not call your GP and talk to him/her?

I know what anxiety can do to you, It’s even worse when you try and bottle it up.

Make that call to your GP and look on this as a fresh new start, taking one day at a time.

[alcopop]

@BlueIris, I personally think you're response is a lot more passive aggressive than mine, and upset me quite a bit.

In the past I have always had good responses from people on this forum, and from the other two posters I have, so, thank you NotDeadYet and Cariad1, I really appreciate your response and empathy.

I have been to my GP before about it - several times since 2015, and have used alcohol anonymous and other services, but I just felt the anxiety without alcohol was too much to bear, so I gave up. *sigh* Wish I had never come across booze in the first place, feel so low, especially with lockdown.. Plus, I've suspected ADD which I am in the process of sorting out, but it's all so hard...

Thanks again, guys. If anyone is going through the same as me, please reach out and PM me. xxx

[pav1984]

Your symptoms could be because that is what you are worried about. See your doc and get checked. As for drinking, it is never too late to stop.

No shame in having an issue with drink. Some people smoke, drink, drugs, eat etc. Hey googling symptoms is an addiction and most on here are guilty of that. personally think it takes courage to admit it.

Now you need to do something about it if you so wish. You need to find a group where they have experience. They can help you as they know what they are talking about.

[NoraB]

OK, no response. I guess that's cos I'm just another useless alchy who has brought their problems on by themselves. Thanks anyway :(

Chill out cocker! You have to give folk time to respond.

I've abused my body with alcohol in the past and there has been no ill effects, and I no longer drink - mostly because my body won't tolerate alcohol anymore.

Also, the liver is a remarkable organ and it can repair itself - but it won't keep doing this indefinitely. You're relatively young and so far your body is working well for you. I very much doubt that you have an issue with your liver, but kudos to you for taking responsibility and speaking to your GP about this.

You know you need to get help with this, and you are doing just that - so well done. It's the first, and most important step - and there is absolutely no shame in admitting that you need help.

[panic_down_under]

but I just felt the anxiety without alcohol was too much to bear, so I gave up. *sigh*

Alcohol is the most (self)prescribed anxiety (also depression) 'medication' by a long shot (followed by nicotine). Unfortunately, while it seems to calm nerves in the short term it is actually making anxiety worse by its affect on the brain.

Anxiety and depression are the emotional expression of an underlying physical brain dysfunction, atrophy of parts of the two hippocampal regions of the brain caused by high stress hormone levels, mostly of cortisol, killing hippocampal brain cells and inhibiting the growth of replacements. Both antidepressants and therapy work by stimulating the growth of new hippocamal cells. It is the new brain cells and the connections they forge which produce the therapeutic response, not the treatments directly.

The problem with alcohol is that it is nearly as toxic to hippocampal brain cells as cortisol is. And it doesn't take a lot of booze to do damage. Even moderate drinking can result in significant hippocampal atrophy (study) - see also: Anderson ML, 2012; Morris SA, 2010; Crews FT, 2003).

Just trying to give up drinking isn't going to work as you already know. You first need to get the anxiety under control either with meds, therapy, or both.