Botulism from incorrectly kept cheese?

**Pamplemousse** · 23-01-21, 11:37

It'll be nice if this lasts Nora, but on past record I give it a day

**NoraB** · 24-01-21, 09:09

Originally Posted by Pamplemousse

It'll be nice if this lasts Nora, but on past record I give it a day

Any positivity/optimism is good PM.

Just remember how it feels and know that you will feel this way again - even if you go back a few steps..

**WiredIncorrectly** · 24-01-21, 10:40

Hey Pamplemousse,

I was saying to Joe yesterday that I don't fear death, yet I fear I'm going to die walking up a bloody hill! You most definitely don't want to die and you've got a good support network here.

I sympathize with your situation. Do you have hoarding problem, or is the stuff in your house mess? You can most definitely improve your situation and we're here to help you. We might all bicker in Misc, but you sound like you need some help and support.

I can get you a fridge, that's not a problem. But you say there is no space so lets deal with that first. Tell me more about your home condition.

Can you post some pictures privately? I won't judge you, I want to help. My own house is in a limbo state. It's stripped for decorating but had no desire to finish it right now. With a kid in the house it gets messy every single day. It's hard to keep on top of sometimes. You can feel free to discuss in private.

**Pamplemousse** · 24-01-21, 12:25

It's both - hoarding from my hobbies and just a lack of care in myself and my surroundings. You're corresponding with someone who hasn't washed, bathed, shaved or changed his clothes for a month now. I just don't see the point and to add insult to injury, I seemed to have gained five pounds in weight this week - so much for my "diet". So I've come crashing back to Earth again. I said optimism doesn't last long here: better to be a pessimist, then you don't have to fall so far when things inevitably go wrong. But I'm very unhappy at that news, I can tell you.

As for a fridge - money's not the issue, I could order and pay for one today: it's just the logistics of getting access to get the old one out and get the new one in. Heavens, I nearly stuffed one left out for recycling near the garage I took my car to into its boot the other day! As for pictures, do you mind if I don't post any, even privately? I'm one of that increasingly rare breed of people these days: one that feels shame.

And now if you'll forgive me, I have a lot of self-pity to indulge in. I knew this wouldn't last, and I was right.

**Scass** · 24-01-21, 13:05

Ahh PM. After the highs often come the lows. It doesn’t mean it’ll last, take each day at a time.

I’ve seen some amazing people on Instagram who help people whose circumstances have got on top of them. No questions asked and no judgement. I understand the shame PM I really do, I’m terrible at motivating myself to sort out my mess.

Your new GP sounds great, are you going to share any of these things with her? One step at a time?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

**Pamplemousse** · 24-01-21, 13:25

Originally Posted by Scass

Ahh PM. After the highs often come the lows. It doesn’t mean it’ll last, take each day at a time.

I’ve seen some amazing people on Instagram who help people whose circumstances have got on top of them. No questions asked and no judgement. I understand the shame PM I really do, I’m terrible at motivating myself to sort out my mess.

Your new GP sounds great, are you going to share any of these things with her? One step at a time?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

It's a him this time. At the moment I'm at a real low again and feeling like I should just go back to bed.

I feel defeated.

**WiredIncorrectly** · 24-01-21, 13:34

I hear you PM. My own home isn't in the best state. It's in limbo, I stripped the house to start decorating and then lost the drive to decorate it. It gets done, but very slowly, and in the process the house looks god awful. The washing up needs doing, I need to get the hoover out, and the mop. Our stairs are stripped bare, so it's just wood, but my lad keeps walking up and down them with shoes on, and is constantly spilling his drinks on the way to his room. Having two dogs that constantly stink regardless of how many baths you give them makes my home smell like a kennel.

I don't invite people over much. If I do invite somebody over I go into OCD mode for 24 hours where the whole house is bleached from top to bottom. I'll sit scrubbing the stairs with a sponge, and then sanding over them to make them look good again. I've got all the stuff to varnish and paint the stairs but until my son sorts his messiness out I kind of refuse to do them. They'll get trashed.

I don't know how others live, but my misses says a messy house is one that's lived in. My moms house on the other hand is like a show home. Every time she visits it's like The Queen is coming

... she'd hit the roof if she seen my house right this second. When she comes ALL the Yankee Candles come out.

My Dad was very much like you, except his hobby was motorcycles so his home was like a garage. Oil everywhere. He wasn't the cleanest in the kitchen either. As a kid I was always cleaning the stairs, because we had bare stairs growing up and I always had to clean and paint them because nobody else would. I'd regularly go into OCD mode and clean our home because my mental health went downhill living in such conditions.

There's a point I hit where I will have to clean because things have gone a bit too far. Like the mountain of washing up I have to do today. Try getting a kid to use 1 plate, 1 bowl and 1 cup ... bloody useless. He'll use everything that's clean and shove the rest on the side for us to clean up.

But a lot of the times I too feel too lazy.

Do you think your mental health condition/s is causing you to have no desires? No need to feel bad about it, I've let myself and my home get into all sorts of states.

**AntsyVee** · 24-01-21, 18:25

garfield scale.jpg

My doc agrees with Garfield here. She says in the first months of weight loss, don't even use the scales. Determine your weight loss by how your clothes fit and how healthy you feel because the numbers on the scales vary from day to day (especially due to water weight and bloating) that it can really screw with your head if you're weighing yourself every day.

**NoraB** · 25-01-21, 07:04

Originally Posted by Pamplemousse

It's a him this time. At the moment I'm at a real low again and feeling like I should just go back to bed.

I feel defeated.

Some jobs are just too big to try and tackle on our own and the help is there - we just need to be able to want things to change and to ask for help.

Some people are happy to exist as you are, but that's clearly not the case with you. You're not happy. I think you want out of your situation but it's so overwhelming that it's easier to stay as you are?

Would you be more motivated to bathe if your bathroom was clean? Or wouldn't that make any difference?

How much of an effort did you make when your Mrs was alive? Did she have to prompt you? I'm trying to work out how much of this is down to depressive inertia, and how much is actually 'you'. What I mean is that my husband isn't depressed in any way - he's just a lazy bugger. I have to prompt him to spray his pits, do his teeth etc. I know he wouldn't bother if I wasn't here to encourage him in my subtle way..

Go spray ya manky pits!

I think you need to like and love yourself PM - starting as you are.

People think that they can't do this until life is perfect, but that's not how this works. We need to show ourselves some love when we are at our lowest..

Before you write me off as some kind of purple wearing positivity ponce who hasn't experienced any real shite in her life - I'm far from it. I've experienced stuff that I can't talk about on here, or anywhere else - and my shit started when I was 5. I've been as low as it gets and still be alive, but I got back up again and that's the bottom line. No matter what life throws at me at will keep getting up because I'm worth it, and you need to see your worth PM. X

**Pamplemousse** · 25-01-21, 14:16