Hi Newbie 6th driving test failed !

[Cupcakes]

hi I am new here , I am 33 with two children ten & eight. from about the age of 26 after the birth of my second child i suffered with depression and anxiety /panic . Would not go out as had no motivation whatsoever and fatigue was terrible. Kept on going to doctors crying saying I dont knows whats wrong with me , she kept on saying depression I was saying no .i have nothing to be depressed about, which I know is totally not like that , I was just finding it hard to beleive that yes "me " had depression and I kept thinking you had to have a reason. I cut off from everyone as I couldnt be bothered to maintain friendships. Just went through the motions.
I started taking st johns wort (kira ones ) and they turned my life around literally give them at least 3 months its subtle but does work and I would say i was in quite a bad way, nervous exhaustion shakes suicidal thoughts etc. You just dont care when you are depressed. Even though mood is fine now and I no longer have taken st johns wort for 6 months just a multi vitemin and fish oils, I suffer with anxiety/panic/pmt. its been made worse by the fact I have just failed my 6 th driving test in the space of 3 months(last 2 driving tests I only got 2 minors as well)( I was failed for stalling on one of them) when I am told I have failed I burst into tears and it really does affect me and I think the repeated failure of it has affected me as I am quite nervy now. My seventh one is due now within the next two weeks and I get these ruminating thoughts of being a failure and feel like I will never pass . I would like to go for cbt and I have bout Kalms and am scared to take them. I have anxiety/panic even when I am not as stressed as well. I get panicked in supermarket yesterday and I went to toilets and soaked my arms in basin with cold water and my heart was thumping. It stops me doing anything , I have to walk to get my children from school everyday 2 miles there and 2 miles back and this feels me with panic , I dont want to give in to this but that terifies me , I cant relax in social situations , will kalms help me I havent had one as I am scared too. I cant go to hairdressers as I hate being tipped back in to basin I have my hair cut at home where I can wash it in shower. Dentist is the same I have to say can you sit me up its ike I am scared of everything and I have loads of palpitations and i feel uptight

any advice please cant help thinking

[sagey]

Hi Cupcakes and welcome. I sympathise over the driving test because you get that feeling that your in a cycle of failing. Is it possible for you to try a different test centre from the one you've used so far? A fresh perspective could be helpful. Have you ever driven an automatic? At least they don't generally stall because there's none of the gear changing to do. I did try Kalms briefly but not at the suggested dose which I think is something like 2 tabs3 times a day. I felt an effect from them but hated the taste they left in my mouth.
Good luck with your next test. Be sure to come back and let us know.

[honeybee3939]

Hi Cupcakes

Welcome to NMP, its lovely to see you here, im sure you will get some great advice, support and make new friends too.

Make sure you check out the Symptoms, How to Cope and First Step pages also that are sittuated on the left hand side of this page, im sure they will help also.

Love

Andrea
xxxxxx

[PUGLETMUM]

hi cupcakes,

sorry your suffering right now,lots of us on here will identify with what you are experiencing, sometimes its like reading about ourselves!!! anyway firstly a big well-done for you for managing to keep going despite feeling like this!!! that takes some doing -and its something that alot of members really dont give themselves credit for-mainly because they are so low, they cant see how strong they are!! once you get your head above water you will realise just how well youve been doing to live with this,then you may get mad and decide enough is enough!!!!

this is where i think self-help comes in - you can get cbt privately as i have done this year,as the nhs never gives you the time you need,but it is pricey,but i would say well worth it. basically you get to learn how to turn all of the negativity back into positivity,please just think about it- if you can make yourself feel so bad by ruminating and worrying, it stands to reason you can do the reverse!!!! even just accepting that fact can make you feel better. but you cant get better overnight, it is a long complicated process that got you to where you are and its quite a long process to get out of it,believe me it can be done. im still struggling myself but i feel ive moved onto the other side of the scale now,where im willing to tackle it,and i can see that there is another way to think, this negative thinking is just a very very bad habit, but it is one you can break.all the best to you, tc,emma

[manmoor]

Hi Cupcakes,

A big warm welcome to you. xx

[Lindalou64]

Hi Cupcakes And Welcome To The Site......linda

[chucklehound]

Hi and welcome to NMP

[Cupcakes]

Thank you for all your kind welcomes ,thanks sagey the other test centre is worse and lots of people fail before getting out of test centre virtually as it is next to a marina development with lots of roundabouts and a busy supermarket too!cant do an automatic as I need to share a car as financial restrictions cant afford two. i will definately let you know how i get on it saturday morning not long away had to look as I have tried to forget about it!
Emmas you are so right about turning negative in to positive its so easy everyday to be negative and it made me think reading your reply. from the point i wake up I look in the mirror and think to myself my , my eyes have dark circles, or I have lots of spots today, look I am ageing , or look at my wobbly tummy and thats even before i have cleaned my teeth too. I will definaetely try cbt but will have to go nhs route ,untill I pass my test and not wasting more money on lessons. I am lucky i am not working at moment as i am doing a one evening a week college course( which i battle to get through as I alway feel anxiety ), but i would love to work but cant when I am the way I am. you sound like you are tackling it well. I will definaetely look at trying to be more positive , I cant imagine looking in the mirror and thinking "right I am beautifull !", I should try it though or look at my nice booty!. I still have a good sense of humour so at least I have not lost that !
xxxxxxxxxx

[PUGLETMUM]

there you go then cupcake,so you do know how to be positive!!! okay so maybe you cant be positive about an imperfect body? but then you have to change your expectations as well(this has helped me loads,as mine were totally unrealistic),and the people with perfect bodies etc are models and actresses,us mere mortals just have to ignore all the problems we have and just be positive.

also,look at how you are sticking with your driving tests and you do an evening class even though you feel like poo!!!! i think the reeason why i sound so positive is because ive just come through an 8 month depression,so im ready to get on with things now - but the crucial thing is the change in thinking and also like i said lowering your expectations of yourself and also everyone around you. one of my biggest problems has been this continued belief that my husband cant love me /care if he cant take away my anxiety!!! how crazy is that? but once you get out of the mess that your in, you start to see how silly all of these issues are and that mainly your disordered thinking is causing them. i dont think you have to wait for nhs cbt i think there are cbt based self-helpbooks out there,maybe some of the others could help here with recommendations? anyway you sound better than you think you are, so hopefully you can work on lowering your anxiety and then things will become clearer/ tc emma

[Cupcakes]

Yes i agree today i went to get the children from school today stepped outside and my anxiety levels rised heart thumping , warm feeling in my central chest, feeling hot ,on edge, walking everything around me overwhelming , a sort of giddy feeling. I am at home now and that feeling lasted approx 45 minutes the whole amount of my walk to school. I bused back . My muscles ache so much where they are so tense, I dont know what I have is it anxiety/panic/agraphobia . I just dont know what exactly ,is it the whole combination?. It is affecting me every single say at present, when I get to the school I dont want to see any of the other mums as it feels like my eyes are going to pop out their sockets where I am so anxious/panicked. I meet my kids the other side of the school where there are no other mums and dads so i dont have to see anyone while I feel like this. I have a group of regular friends who i meet up with everyweek and they know what i am like, and i am ok sat with them . Does anyone know what disorder I have ??
many thanks