So this year I decided I was going to take decisive action to try and get my HA under control and not allow it to control my life.
I've been doing CBT and private hypnotherapy. I've also come off of my SSRI's as I didn't feel they were actually helping me but more masking the problem.
Once of my main fears for years has been blood cancer, myeloma/leukemia and lymphoma, along with a few of the other cancers thrown in for good measure such as liver, kidney etc.
I've been really struggling lately because I've always bruised easily but as I've started to go through the menopause this has got worse. It does tend to run in our family but it hasn't stopped me going into a tailspin, even with my CBT and Hypnotherapy.
So after another panic attack last night due to me finding a few dots of petechaie on my lower legs and noticing a bruise on the inside of my finger I spoke to the Dr this morning who said she doesn't feel I have any hope of getting my anxiety under control unless I have the blood tests I've been putting off having. I haven't had a FBC or any blood tests (apart from basic thyroid and cholesterol) since I was pregnant with my son and he's 16 today! So that gives an idea how long I've been avoiding this.
I had a call with 111 last night and she even offered me to go to A&E to get the tests done so I could wait for the results, she did say she thinks I'm probably ok but for reassurance I should have the blood tests.
Anyway, this morning I bit the bullet and had them done, FBC, Clotting, Liver, Kidney and Thyroid. To say I am in a complete turmoil is an understatement.
I have propananol to take to help the anxiety and the GP checked my petechiae which wasn't actually there today! She said the fact it comes and goes so easily is reassuring but I now have to wait on tests.
I'm worse because I know when my Dad's white cells were zero they rung him at 10.30pm at night so i know I won't be able to relax all evening and tomorrow will be worse. The GP said the FBC and clotting should be back tomorrow and to call in the afternoon but I am petrified.
I'm starting to wish I hadn't bothered even though I know I needed to do it.
Any coping techniques/suggestions?
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