Vaccination phobia

[Deep Blue]

I am utterly terrified of vaccinations.
I am not at all against vaccine in theory, or for others.
When I was 5 I had the smallpox vaccine 3 times before it 'took', because my family emigrated to Australia. Then twice more when I was 8, before returning to England. I was quite poorly after. But my brother became so ill he nearly died. He was patalysed, then in a coma for a month. He survived. We were told not to be vaccinated again. Verbally, no supporting paperwork.

But aged 13, I was forcibly given the BCG shot. I was hysterical. It took 3 people to drag me (7 stone soaking wet) in to the van at school and hold me down, while a 4th gave me the jab.
They carried me out of the van & I fainted.
50 years on I still have flashbacks and nightmares.
Now covid! Not 1 but 2 jabs!
My husband is insistent that I have it as he works on cruise ships and it will be compulsory.
But I can"t.
I am desperate. I am taking twice the diazepam I usually do and still having worsening panic and anxiety attacks.Nightmates if I sleep.
I am truly desperate.

[nomorepanic]

Hi

This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your post was moved from its original place to a sub-forum that is more relevant to your issue.

This is nothing personal - it just enables us to keep posts about the same problems in the relevant forums so other members with any experience with the issues can find them more easily.

Please also read this post:

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=213239

[Carys]

In all honesty DeepBlue, I think you need to talk through this with a medical professional. Your fear triggers are based in some horrible real life experiences, and I think only someone with knowledge would understand what happened to you and your brother and be able to assess if and what any allergies could be. It could be specific vaccine types (i.e. in this case the smallpox one, having just done a quick google it appears that this particular vaccine has been/was associated with more severe reactions and responses than any other modern vaccine), it could be some method of how the vaccine processes in the body, it could be anything at all that we here just won't understand or know about. It seems you were ok after the BCG, despite fainting from fear and anxiety. I can see how desperate you feel, and I feel very sorry for you, the fear is obviously overwhelming. I would suggest you make an appointment for a telephone consultation with a GP, and explain everything you have said here, as its clear that you need some specific support, and are currently very trapped with regard to your husband wanting you to have it and fear it could result in serious illness for you.

[phil06]

Sounds awful I have the same issues I skipped the TB vaccine. What keeps me in a good frame of mind is better treatments oral vaccines or even a single dose vaccine which would make things a little easier.

[Carnation]

I agree with Carys that you need to talk to someone about this to a more professional person, whether it is a doctor or therapist.
You have a phobia which is not just about taking the current vaccine and that will include not having trust.
Phobias are no joke and easy for someone to say, "just do it". So maybe look at some options to deal with the phobia. But please don't feel pressurised in to doing anything that could affect your wellbeing. Whatever you do you need to be comfortable with.

[glassgirlw]

Deep Blue you have some really valid reasons for being concerned about this vaccine. Do you have a medical professional you trust that you can discuss your history and concerns with? If I were in your shoes, that’s where I’d start. I wish you the best!

[NoraB]

But aged 13, I was forcibly given the BCG shot. I was hysterical. It took 3 people to drag me (7 stone soaking wet) in to the van at school and hold me down, while a 4th gave me the jab.

I hear ya. My boy had to be held down by six nurses and an anaesthetist before having teeth out in hospital. The idiots hadn't sedated him despite them knowing he's autistic. He's done well with the COVID test (up the nose) and has his flu thingy done every year that way but I dread the day coming where he has to have a jab! It'll be sedation for him and me!

Anyway, is a bit of sedation an option for you? (before you get the jab) and could you possibly get it quicker due to your severe anxiety? Once it's done, you can calm down.

You obviously had a traumatic experience and it's given you this phobia, but you do need to try and have the vaccine to keep yourself and others safe.

[NessMonster]

I hear how scared you are about taking this vaccine. It is scary particularly when you have a phobia around it. I wonder though how much of your fear comes from the vaccine itself and how much of it is about the traumatic experience that you went through with the BCG injection?

Perhaps you could write down what it is exactly that is scaring you.

For example... Is it an allergy? Side effects? Not understanding the science? Conspiracy theories? Feeling trapped? Memories triggered by previous events?
I would also encourage you to speak with a mental health professional who could work through some of this anxiety. As of right now the vaccine isn't compulsory and you are an adult who gets to make your own medical decisions. No one is going to be holding you down and giving you this against your wishes.

I also have a phobia of medication, it's not entirely logical as I know generally medication is necessary and important but fear is primal and not always rational. The best thing I did was to let people know I was anxious and why I was anxious, mostly because they could distract me through the peak of the anxiety which comes after. I had the vaccine a couple of weeks ago and I was fine but I also know I'll probably have some anxiety when it comes to the second one. I'm allowed to have these feelings as are you. We can do things even when we're petrified.

Good luck and talk to people.

[AntsyVee]

So I have really bad claustrophobia. When I was a teen, like you, I was in a bad car accident and was trapped inside of a car. That started it, and it's only gotten worse as I've gotten older. Like you, I know it's irrational, but the thought of basements, elevators, below-deck in a ship, all that kind of stuff makes me flip the hell out. So what do I do? Xanax. When I know I need to travel, or take a bunch of elevators (like if I'm staying in a hotel), or I'm touring something with large crowds, I take a xanax before I go so I can get through it. If I give up those things like traveling or even using the automatic car wash, then anxiety wins. So I say take some xanax and go get the vaccine. Don't let your anxiety win on this one when you know that vaccines are necessary to keep you safe.