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Thread: This is eating me up.

  1. #1
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    This is eating me up.

    Hopefully this makes sense and if you read to the end, thanks! I've written it quick (we'll quick for me) so excuse any bad grammar.

    My Partner lost her Mum five years ago and her brother in law and sister were trusted to deal with the insurances etc as her dad was 80 at the time, in a state and can't deal with any form of paperwork, financials etc

    When everything was all done we were told 15000 had been left over and her brother in law and sister were to look after it until her dad said it was to be split between her sister, brother and my Partner (5000 each).

    Roll on three and a half years (April 2019) and my Partners brother in law phones and said her dad doesn't want the 15000 and they were keeping it! WTF!

    We had to fight tooth and nail to get my Partners 5000 and her brothers as he lives in New Zealand. What went on you honestly wouldn't believe, which involved the brother in law throwing himself around on the floor! Yep at 69 years old! (my Partners sister is a sado who needed and married a father figure) and at one point they tried to get my Partners dad to pay my Partners share! Obviously we said no! Why should he!

    Anyway that was it for me, but I kept my mouth shut even though the brother in law threw nothing but guilt trips our way all throughout the summer.

    Anyway my Partners Auntie died (her dad's sister) in August and because of what happened before I was asked to sort out her estate.

    When sorting the estate I had to use my Partners dad's cheque book as he can't write cheques, yes that's how confused etc he is and I noticed all these cheques written out by my Partners brother in law and sister to themselves from her mums insurance and it turns out the cheque for 15000 was 20000 and lots of other large cheques 4000, 3000, 2604! WTF!

    So they had done my Partner and her brother out of their share of the 5000 as they were told it was 15000 plus all these other cheques!!!

    Anyway we got onto my Partners brother in New Zealand and at this point it was also realised that the brother in law and sister had also kept 2000 that was given to them to forward to him in New Zealand! When my Partners mum died her dad gave 2000 to each of the children, but her brothers was kept!! Scumbags!

    My Partners brother phoned them from New Zealand about all the cheques and his 2000 and he recorded it. What we heard was truly horrific, complete denial and trying to even blame me and my Partner throughout! Scumbags!

    Anyway my Partner and her brother left it with just 1000 each from them and the 2000 for her brother, which I couldn't believe!!

    Anyway in July 2020 I was asked to check if an insurance for my Partners mum hadn't been claimed and I took the paperwork all home to check, sort, file and also get her dad's in order.

    The paperwork was a complete state, things missing, it had been well and truly ransacked by the brother in law and sister after the death of her mum and what do you know??? They had taken all my Partners dad's insurance etc at the same time as taking her mum's!!!!

    They had to even gain grant of probate to take her dad's at the same time as her mums!!!

    Anyway we had nothing but denial as before, so I had to go through absolutely everything, gain all the letters they wrote to the insurance companies, gain pictures of cheques etc, the whole lot!

    They denied everything all the way and still do, even though I've gained everything in black and white. They still deny getting grant of probate even though I managed to get a copy with their name on it from the High Court of Justice!!! They had obviously ditched the probate certificate and everything, but I gained it all in black and white!!

    I also got all of the bank statements going back to when my Partners mum died and not only had they done all this they had been taking all her dad's cash which we rekon to have been 20000 plus all these cheques!!!!

    Anyway we thought it was over even though they still deny everything, us having absolutely everything in black and white, when the money left her dad's account and, went into theirs etc, but my Partner bumped into them just before Christmas and they said that I've told a load of lies, they wouldn't rip the family off etc!!

    Can you believe all that?! All I want to do is explode! Struggling with it!! They left my Partners Dad with nothing and took much of what was due to my Partner and her brother from the death of her mum!
    Last edited by BikerMatt; 24-01-21 at 21:31.

  2. #2
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    Re: This is eating me up.

    Also despite taking everything, they asked my Partners Dad for money for car repairs etc!!! He payed everytime they went out!! Talk about take advantage of an old confused man!!!

  3. #3
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    Re: This is eating me up.

    I believe every word of it.

    I've seen this kind of thing before, and been through a complicated financial legal battle myself.

    You won't want to hear this, but unless you have a rock solid money trail on paper, let it go and walk away. Legal bills will consume all of that money in a matter of months.

    Please, don't get caught up in a mental and/or battle for this, it's not worth it.

  4. #4
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    Re: This is eating me up.

    Quote Originally Posted by ankietyjoe View Post
    I believe every word of it.

    I've seen this kind of thing before, and been through a complicated financial legal battle myself.

    You won't want to hear this, but unless you have a rock solid money trail on paper, let it go and walk away. Legal bills will consume all of that money in a matter of months.

    Please, don't get caught up in a mental and/or battle for this, it's not worth it.
    I have absolutely everything in black and white. It's hook line and sinker, completely concrete.

    We aren't taking anything further as my Partners dad is 85 and very mentally fragile.

    I've been dealing with this for twenty one months, whilst everything has unravelled in stages.

    The denial and petulance my Partners brother in law and sister have shown and are still showing is out of this world.

    It has torn my Partners side of the family apart.

  5. #5
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    Re: This is eating me up.

    Sorry, I read one of the last paragraphs wrong as you NOT having everything in black and white.

    Even with a paper trail, there's no quick solution to this. The most likely outcome (I feel) is a legal battle for 12-18 months, and then another one to recover your costs if you win.

    I think you're in a situation where you have to figure you (with your partner) if the money is worth the fight.

    My experience of lawyers is that their main role is to extend the period of conflict, and to increase fee potential as much as possible. That's not a cynical viewpoint, it's just based on my experience with them.

    Their denial is the thing that has the potential to make things very expensive, their lawyer with work with that.

    Obviously you have to make that judgement call based on how much that amount of money is worth to you and your family. It's not an easy decision.

  6. #6
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    Re: This is eating me up.

    This happens soooo much within families and you can never retrieve it back.
    Could your partner act as Power of Attorney for her dad then everything in future would have to be passed by her. And she can look after the accounts?

  7. #7
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    Re: This is eating me up.

    Quote Originally Posted by Carnation View Post
    This happens soooo much within families and you can never retrieve it back.
    Could your partner act as Power of Attorney for her dad then everything in future would have to be passed by her. And she can look after the accounts?
    Yeah, you'd have to have your SO get power of attorney or be executor of the estate...as least that's how it would work here.
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  8. #8
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    Re: This is eating me up.

    Carnation and Joe, Thanks for the replies.

    We wouldn't go down the legal route. We are going to try and sort out power of attorney, but we have had to tread very carefully as not to alert my Partners Dad to much to the situation as he really is struggling and the tiniest little thing freaks him out, so we all need to get our heads together as not to spook him.

    I really don't understand how they can do what they did, they milked everything from a vulnerable old man.

    This has taken up twenty one months of my life, at every stage that this all unravelled they were given the chance to explain, yet they deny and act like the wounded party, even though I have absolutely everything in black and white.

    I really thought it was all over, for them to be saying I've told a load of lies to people, has made think about slander/libel action against them.

    If my Partner had her share of what they've had, it would make a massive difference to our lives!

  9. #9
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    Re: This is eating me up.

    Quote Originally Posted by AntsyVee View Post
    Yeah, you'd have to have your SO get power of attorney or be executor of the estate...as least that's how it would work here.
    This is why we think the brother in law and sister thought they could get away with taking everything. The brother in law was executor to her dad's estate, so when he passed they could of told us anything.
    When this was first unravelling it was changed to my Partners brother.

  10. #10
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    Re: This is eating me up.

    Yeah, unfortunately, this is all too common among many families... I watched this happen in my ex's family twice. I don't really know what advice to give you, but I wish you good luck
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