Welcome again, and I'm glad you joined us: You're dealing with a lot and its brave you are able to express yourself so well and get that out. Although I don't suffer from that particular issue (Emetophobia), I'm am familiar and can relate somewhat. I've read this several times already and I will try to offer some practical advice as best as I can. It sounds like your [disorder] interferes with many aspects of your life - and your [obsessions] send you down the road of fear, worry and anxiety, and perhaps, in turn, you feel [compelled] (OCD) to react emotionally. Medication (including pregab/gabapentin) had not been much help for me personally, but everyone is different, it's wort a try if you are prescribed it .. CBT has helped me; greatly. It really comes down to interrupting the cycle(s) and process(s) that allow you to become fearful and 2nd guess things you've done, and begin to change and better learn to change your reaction(s) rather than behavior(s) - I like to see it that way, myself. I was able to break many of my of my obsessions whilst I'm still very much a 'work in progress'. Just don't give up hope, things can change if you are willing to put in the work. Don't fear CBT - its not 'all or nothing' - start with the basics of recognizing the pattern(s) and change what you can to make even small adjustments one step at a time to improve your quality off life; again. From somebody that used to go through one bottle of hand sanitizer a day to now infrequently, I do get it with germs and cleanliness, perhaps I feel less "compelled" to react as I once did. Did that make sense? Of course, we need to be very careful now with CV, but again, common sense hygiene practices will go a long way without going overboard. I'm sorry, that is all I have for you at the moment, but I will return if I have more to offer. Please feel free to post if it helps and keep us informed on how you're doing in your progress. Let me apologize in advance - as you can (clearly) see my postings here look strange (one big paragraph mess) but trust me, everything is properly written out but I have scripting issues with the forum re my browsers and when I hit "post" this is how it looks. Here is how it should look:
https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/attach...1&d=1612623703 You're not too far gone - be king to yourself and understanding - we are all a work in progress. Take it day-by-day and step-by-step. Try to find something to enjoy this weekend to take your mind off your worries
EDIT: I'm unsure about taking pregab along with a benzo .. perhaps @panic_down_under would be better and assisting us in regard to medication. Hopefully he'll see this tag - he was very helping to me here.