Hi all, I've had breast cancer anxiety for about 15 years. I also have general health anxiety, but this is what started it all. I'm now 49 and have decided enough is enough with this anxiety beast.

I'm in therapy and working hard to overcome it once and for all, but part of that is dealing with finding something in a breast self-exam without working myself up into a state.

Last week I found a ridge of lumpy tissue at about 3pm on my left breast. It feels long and oval and covered in bumps. It's not moveable and got very sore when I touched it. I can also feel a small round lump.

Mind you I was really digging deep with my fingertips (which you're not supposed to do). When I did the self-exam as per the instructions (with the middle part of the fingers) I couldn't really feel it.

Of course my panic kicked in anyway and I had the overwhelming urge to run to the GP. But then I was able to calm myself down with some deep breathing and remind myself that running to the GP immediately isn't what I do anymore.

I also reminded myself that I had a mammogram and ultrasound 6 months ago that found a cyst in this area.

Also my GP did a breast exam in December and had no concerns.

So I made a deal with myself not to check the breast for 7 days and then see what happened/how I felt.

Today was day 7 so I checked it again and I don't think there's any change (I'm now on day 11 of my cycle). The lumpy area feels the same and I think I can also feel the cyst. So I've made an appointment with the GP in another week's time to get it checked. I'm staying fairly calm about it (for me anyway). It's my birthday this week, which apart from Christmas is my most common time to have a health anxiety spiral, so I'm trying to keep things in perspective.

The weird thing is, after all these years of breast anxiety, I've realised I actually have no idea what my breasts feel like normally. This area could have been there for years! I'm always so terrified of finding something that I just give them the quick once over while holding my breath. So assuming this turns out to be nothing sinister, I'm going to draw a map of my breast so I remember where this area is for next time.

My health anxiety isn't taking this new approach lying down of course. It's fighting back and telling me that because I'm being calm and logical, this is the time it's going to be the real thing. So I'm countering that with determined positivity. For once I refuse to get myself into a state about this, because it will have absolutely no bearing on the result. I can choose to be a stressed out mess for my birthday through to when I see the GP or I can stay calm and enjoy my birthday. Because what's the worst that can happen? That my anxiety is right? It won't make any difference one way or the other, plus my anxiety has a dreadful track record with these things so the odds are in my favour.

Anyway, I just wanted to document how I'm dealing with this here to keep myself accountable and also to maybe help someone else going through the same worries.