Back after 3 years and I feel I’ve let myself down

[Blonde123]

Good morning everyone. I’ve been logging on for a few days and I feel I’ve let myself down. It’s nice to see so many names of people who helped me in the past but I also feel sad I’m asking for help again when I’d been doing so well. I’ve had 3 years of worry free health and what few blips I had I managed to get through myself. However now my
health anxiety is back and I’m not sure if I’m posting in the right forum so apologies if I’m not.
im fair skinned and have many freckles and moles. This was the source of my first episodes of health anxiety when it first started years ago. I constantly thought I had skin cancer and was checked out numerous times as I ran to various health professionals. Then I’d move onto another health issue to worry about and so on. I guess I finally burnt myself out and my anxiety subsided and I’ve had 3 peaceful years. My problem now is I have lots of large light brown freckles, I’m guessing some call them sun or age spots. I’ve had one on my chest for at least 14 years but a week ago I noticed it looked like it had tiny blisters underneath it. I’ve also realised at 45 that I’m experiencing Perimenopausal symptoms, one being that I sometimes suffer from night sweats which cause me to itch. 2 weeks ago my whole chest and shoulders were so itchy, probably due to the excessive sweating, that I ended up with abit of a bumpy rash over my shoulder. It’s now gone but I’m wondering if this is what’s happened to my freckles or the anxiety in me tells me I’ve got the dreaded c word! In the past I would run to my GP but now I feel I’ve gone the other way and I avoid going. I usually give myself a month to see if my symptoms get better during then decide from there. Fortunately this has always worked and I think why my anxiety has been under control for years. Now I feel I’m worrying and feeling down because I keep looking at it thinking it’s never going to go away and I’ve now got cancer.when I feel calm I can talk myself down. My skin hasn’t been great lately, like I say, I’ve had sweats, itchy skin, my healing seems to be longer if I bruise etc and I’ve got dry skin patches on my face. Not sure if this is a classic symptom of Perimenopause or just a coincidence.
thankyou for reading my latest saga

[Munchlet]

Hi,

I had to reply to your post firstly to say, please don't feel you have let yourself down! 3 Years relatively HA free is amazing and something that most of us on this forum could only dream of. I think you should be proud of that and not beat yourself up about having a little blip!

So I can relate to some of what you are going through. I'm 48, extremely fair skinned and covered in freckles. I've always had sensitive skin which is prone to itching and mysterious spots and bumps.

I actually have been down the skin cancer route, I think for anyone with skin as as fair as ours and with HA it's at the back of our mind. Unfortunately, we probably also experienced sunburn as a child before we were even aware that the sun could cause any problems.

Now for the spots you are describing I have noticed since my early 40's there has been an increase in these and I've had them checked out, to be told they are age spots! I actually have one on my thigh which is light brown but has a couple of darker small like blisters in the middle and I did get that looked at but was told it was a Solar something? Basically, another age/sun related blemish.

I definitely think the night sweats and decrease in hormones doesn't help as I literally feel like my skin is crawling at night. I also noticed that in the Summer when I tried to wear fake tan these spots actually went quite dark and I realised that I have a lot more of them that I thought I had but they were obviously skin coloured and the tan made them darker and stand out.

So it really does sound like a normal part of age/decline in hormones but I don't think it would hurt to get it checked out for peace of mind. I honestly do think it's quite normal as I've noticed I bruise easier, especially in places where the skin is thinner like my shins. I also had a panic as my lower legs sometimes have random dots of petechiae on them but I did show them to the Dr who wasn't concerned and that's only happened in the last couple of years.

When Ive read menopause forums it does seem to be people with fairer skin suffer more and for some reason our skin just seems to be more sensitive and prone to the effects of ageing.

[Blonde123]

Thankyou so much Munchlet for replying. You’re very kind to say I shouldn’t feel like I’ve let myself down. I guess that’s one of the problems having HA, life can be good to you for awhile and then out of nowhere you hit a bump in the form of HA!

Everything you say is exactly how I feel or have experienced. I do feel like my skin is crawling at night, not all the time but every few months when I have my night sweats.

I think you may mean solar keratosis? I use fake tan too and it definitely shows all your moles and freckles up much darker than they really are. It’s quite freaky at first! I’ve also noticed that one of the very dark moles I had on my back, which I know was sebhorric keratosis just disappeared last year. I’d had it for years and it was a cause for concern at the time but I learnt to live with it after I’d had it checked out.

Im not enjoying getting older! All these new things we have to endure as part of our hormones, does nothing to help our anxieties. I’m trying to relax and calm down. I’m going to stop poking my freckle which I know makes it look worse and ignore it for a few weeks and reassess it after this time frame. I don’t want to start running off to the Drs again, I did that in the beginning. I’m trying to balance a healthy awareness with a major panic meltdown, so for me I think this is the right way forward for now.

it’s nice to know someone else has similar experience. Thankyou for replying, enjoy your Sunday x

[Carys]

My skin hasn’t been great lately, like I say, I’ve had sweats, itchy skin, my healing seems to be longer if I bruise etc and I’ve got dry skin patches on my face. Not sure if this is a classic symptom of Perimenopause or just a coincidence.

I think it is a symptom, I am really close to meno and have had and have exactly what you describe - It started a few years ago, patches of dermatitis on my face, itching (yep, that is a symptom), dry skin, sweats etc. I think it might do you some good to start reading up on perimeno, as suprise, surprise, its really common for anxiety and a vast array of other symptoms to rear their head.

[Blonde123]

Thanks carys. I’ve had a look on some validated websites and it’s very common. Just doesn’t do your anxiety any good does it! Never mind, I’m staying occupied today and doing my best to stay focused

[Blonde123]

Just a little update. I’ve got my smear at 0815 what joy! I’m not worried about the procedure but waiting for the results is unpleasant. My freckle on the other hand seems to be getting better. Not sure if that’s my imagination or it’s genuine. It still feels a little bumpy but it’s much smoother and last night it was a little flaky so I moisturised. Hope everyone’s having a positive day.

[Blonde123]

Hi everyone. I’d really appreciate some advice and words of wisdom. So my mole hasn’t really changed. It’s not itchy, not got any bigger and isn’t bleeding. It’s skin/light brown colour and it looks like a stuck on wart which makes me think it could be sebborrhic kerratosis. I had one of these on my back for years and it suddenly disappeared last year which I was grateful for, and although the one on my back was darker, I’m sure this looks the same. However my HA mind makes me think what if it’s not? I will make an appointment to see my GP as that’s the sensible thing to do, but my stomach is churning thinking about what to say and what if she referred me to derm. Then I know I will get myself into a panic thinking it’s something far worse, if they want to remove it surgically i will be in a meltdown. I know I’m lucky as I’ve never had any procedures but the thought of it terrifies me even though I’m a nurse which makes me feel even more stupid!

[pulisa]

I'm sure a GP would be able to identify a benign lesion from a potentially dodgy one. I've had one of these taken off at my GP surgery as we have a "minor procedures" unit there.

Get it looked at and take it from there? Removal-if needed-is a really straightforward procedure. Even my autistic daughter coped with having her lesion removed as well.

These warty things are very common but it makes sense to get it checked if you want a professional opinion. Good luck! I'm sure being a nurse must make you more susceptible to health fears so don't apologise for your anxiety! You must do a great job every day and it must take its toll on your HA.

[Blonde123]

Thankyou Pulisa. Sorry I didn’t reply sooner. This morning I’ve made arrangements via my GP to be seen. My stomach is now in bits as the female GP I would have liked to see wasn’t listed. I’m so nervous for my appointment I’m beginning to wish I’d not made it. I have so many what ifs going through my head. I just hope the GP I see doesn’t simply practice CYA medicine because if they refer me I’ll be in a state and so many good things are going on in my life at the minute, it will ruin everything, but I guess that’s when HA really gets you!

[BlueIris]

As somebody who's petrified of tests, I've generally done fairly well at avoiding them by explaining to doctors that medical stuff terrifies me and that if they're reasonably sure all is well, I'm happy to trust them.

The one time I did have something wrong, the GP insisted a hospital visit was needed and it got dealt with.