Feeling low about everything

[BrokenGirl]

Has anyone turned their life around for the better? I'm feeling really low about everything at the moment.
My health anxiety is at an all time high, struggling to see how I'll ever get through it.
I'm 44, have no job and I'm not skilled in anything. Would love to work again but I don't even know where to start at my age.
My kids are 13 and 19 and that scares the s**t out of me a lot, where did the years go? I'm all the time wishing I was 10 or 15 years younger, and I'd do things differently.
I'm getting fed up over so many things now. I know I should be thankful for the things I have.
Even though I'm in the house all the time with my husband and 2 children, I feel so alone, like I'm a million miles from everyone and I have to deal with everything myself.
And tomorrow is Valentines day. I know I shouldn't let it get to me but it does. I won't even get a card for it, never mind a box of chocs or small bunch of flowers.

Sorry, I know I shouldn't be moaning but I suppose I just want to let some of it out. Is it too late for me to ever be happy again?

[BlueIris]

Of course it's not too late! You've raised a beautiful family, which is a pretty impressive achievement in itself.

Obviously Covid is making everything trickier right now, but you can still make plans to get yourself work-ready, whether that's by volunteering or taking a college course. I've seen people older than you (us, I'm your age) taking courses at the college where I work to prepare them for university. I don't mind researching on your behalf; I've also got a good friend in Ireland who worked in recruitment for years who may be able to make suggestions.

As for Valentine's day, most of the couples I know have planned things together. Mr. Iris and I have got chocolates and fancy nibbles in and we're planning a day of TV we've both been looking forward to, plus maybe an afternoon walk. We're not much into cards, but in future it may be worth making advance plans, even if that's to tell your other half that you'd like to be swept off your feet.

Health anxiety is tough, but if you can find the right combination of tools it can get much easier to manage, it's just a question of working out what works for you.

Crossing everything for you and hoping you feel better soon.

[BrokenGirl]

Thank you so much for your reply BlueIris.

I'm feeling so low the last few days that I honestly can't believe I let something like Valentine's Day get to me. In the grand scheme of things it really is very trivial. But like you said, maybe work on things next year and let him know how I feel about it. It doesn't mean anything to him so maybe he just assumes I feel the same about it.

I don't know what to do career wise. It's something I've been thinking about for a while now and my biggest problem is that I don't even know what I'd like to work at. Covid is definitely making things harder. I'd love to have a plan, like those people you talk about, getting themselves ready for uni. Where do I even start trying to figure out what path to take?

And with my HA being so bad at the moment it doesn't make it any easier to think things through clearly. It's crippling me every day now. Medications haven't worked and therapy isn't an option for now. The two things I desperately need to help get me out of this hole!

All I'm hoping for now is that this very bad phase will pass and when it does I'll be able to think straight and hopefully figure out where to go and what to do.
I just want a normal(ish) life, which seems a million miles away right now.

[pulisa]

You don't really need meds and or formal therapy to get better. You can do a lot to help yourself. It'll always be about managing HA rather than ridding yourself of it completely.

You do need a focus and a plan for the future though and commitment to be disciplined re banning yourself from Dr Google's surgery.

It's hard work but so very worthwhile and a huge investment for the future.