This is a new one. Bat under toilet seat?

[NoraB]

Future Mr Raptor likes to stealth fart as he walks past me then runs away cackling, leaving me in the fallout. How the man has such a different range of toots which he can summon at will is horrifying. Skank is the right word!

I remember the first time Batty Boy farted in front of me. It was only a matter of weeks into the relationship, and we were watching Top Gun. There came the 'totes emosh' moment when Maverick is cradling Goose in his arms and Batty let rip the most audible of farts.

I was still very much at the point in our relationship where I was leaving the room to go fart in the bathroom. I was farting into toilet paper or flushing the loo to disguise the noise. I figured that it was far too soon to be unleashing that kind of skankiness, right? Would he still want me when his nostrils were burning? Would he look at me in the same way after hearing one of my elongated farts with a short gap, then a high-pitched pip at the end? All this effort and the dude almost rips my mother's sofa with one of his farts!

And I still haven't forgiven him for ruining Top Gun for me.