Last edited by Fishmanpa; 25-02-21 at 20:12.__________________
"Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings God gives you in this life. Live, love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest is meaningless... Like chasing the wind." King Solomon
The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/
Which part? Seeing a "very very tiny bit" of a normal lymph node or tilting your neck to catch a glimpse of what may or may not be a lymph node? The former is normal anatomy, the latter is unhealthy checking behavior. You are feeding your HA and will not overcome this until you begin challenging your thought patterns and resist seeking reassurance.
Best Wishes
I asked myself one day, "What if I actually don't have cancer? What if I'm not really dying? Then surely I'm alive and should be living."
Not a doctor or a psychologist, just a guy who's been to a lot of them.
Yes I can at times when they raise from me constantly obsessing over them. I have phases where I’m whatever about them and then I come back to the same thing. Lol it’s like a toxic relationship I keep coming back even if there’s nothing there
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It's strange - I can actually feel another lymph node about the same size on the exact opposite side of the one I was worrying about. It doesn't feel as raised but it definitely is there and it feels about the same size (1cm). I noticed it about a few weeks ago. Still trying to not poke at the one I was initially worrying about. I've been doing better but I've given it a few light pokes and pushes but not to the extend I was doing before like aggressively squeezing it. I guess that's a step towards improvement.
I think it's important to realize that for a lot of us with lymph node anxiety... we are not trained professionals. We shouldn't be performing our own lymph node examinations. Doctors are trained for many years to know when these things are concerning and if you've seen multiple doctors, like myself, I think it's safe to say we can not worry about them unless they're huge and noticeable.
"Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings God gives you in this life. Live, love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest is meaningless... Like chasing the wind." King Solomon
The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/
I am currently going through an 8 month ordeal of lymph node anxiety that I am hoping is nearing the end (based on my ability to cope with it most days and rationalize my fears.) I started by finding one, then searching for an old one from 5 years prior, and over the 8 months I think I’ve found 6 more. They’re everywhere. Please stop looking. Your neck will thank you.
Also, if you happen to discover your carotid artery, that’s a fun random structure in your neck you may not have noticed before but could focus on randomly like I did one day. It’s normal.
How did you stop yourself from poking at it? I went four days without poking it but I started again! Ugh. Also how did your lymph nodes feel? Mine feels like squishy kidney beans. The one on my right Side of neck is more prominent meaning I can feel it; not visibly prominent. But I recently discovered a similar feeling node on the left side of my neck in the same exact spot as the other side. They're bilateral. It just feels smaller or deeper in the neck if you will. They both feel about 1cm but the one on the right side feels slightly more raised (maybe from constant poking).
I had my doctor look at the right side one because I noticed it first and she said she wasn't concerned.
I started by only allowing myself to touch it once a day in the morning, then once a week. After I got my inspection out of the way, I didn’t allow myself to look/touch and then my day wasn’t ruled by it. Then I got pretty good at not even wanting to touch it because it never made me feel good—it just fueled the panic and fed the beast. It also may make them swell more and even become shotty. I didn’t want to do anymore damage than I already had.
I would say, “I just touched this 5 minutes ago/1 hour ago/3 days ago..it couldn’t have changed. It’s irrational for me to check, like an OCD behavior that makes no sense but your mind tells you you need to do it to feel relief.” That helped and slowly the anxious feeling would fade away. I’m sure you’ve been in a situation where maybe for a few hours you are too busy and you forget about it. So it’s training your mind to feel that same way, but doing it intentionally even when you aren’t busy. Sure, I have a weak moment and touch one or two of them every once in awhile, but the frequency of which I do this keeps getting less and less (which is why I say I am hopefully nearing the end of this longggg lymph node nightmare.)
Of course as we speak I may or may not be freaking out about neck lymph nodes on my kid now, but that’s health anxiety for ya isn’t it—jumping to the next worry.
Oh and mine also feel squishy, moveable, ranging from kidney bean or pea except for one that seems extra long and skinny almost like a wet noodle. Ha.
When you say moveable... in what sense? Like mine kind of moves back and forth very little but my doctor classified it as moveable and soft. I feel like I should've just dropped this a long time ago after seeing two doctors who weren't concerned. Like I said earlier, I guess it's not good to self examine because us, untrained people, have no idea what the difference is between soft/hard, moveable/immobile, etc
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