Palpable Lymph Node in Neck - How normal is this?

[tsmc223]

Now I feel like I can see it even more sticking out when I bend my neck to the left. I feel like I see a tiny raised part of the skin. Sometimes I can see it, and sometimes I can't. It's driving me crazy.

[tsmc223]

It all started January 14, 2021. I was having a great day and decided to take a shower. I was washing under my chin in the submandibular region, and I felt both my submandibular glands. I had never felt them in my 21 years of life so that freaked me out. Of course, now I know they weren't anything to worry about but at the time, it freaked me out. I googled things like salivary c*ncer and all those things. This led me to start poking around under my chin and neck. I would find things like veins and muscles and tendons and ask on reddit whether this was normal or not. This led me to read about "lymphoma" and from there started to look for "symptoms".

This all led to poking around my neck and sure enough I found lymph nodes which is what really spiked the anxiety. The one I am currently worrying about (although my worries come and go now and is less crippling) is one on the sides of my neck. The one on my right side feels like a 1cm sized kidney bean. It's smooth and a little movable and feels like a kidney bean. I had seen two doctors and pointed it out to them. First one (a pediatrician) was unconcerned and I decided to get a second opinion from an adult GP. She, too, said it was a normal sized node and that it was unconcerning. She explained how because I am thin, it's palpable. Of course, I didn't buy that explanation. Anyway she went on to give me an after appointment report to which she stated I had no lymphadenopathy after feeling around my neck. (It's crazy how she felt softly around my neck whereas I press hard and squeeze).

Anyway, I have not left this node alone for the past 5 weeks. I have poked/prodded/squeezed/pushed the damn thing everyday - sometimes even spending 1+ hour poking at it. I'll be sitting on my couch playing with it. I know this can swell them. I don't think I have gone one full day without my hands on my neck and I don't think I have gone more than 4 days without touching and squeezing the damn node. Sometimes if I bend my head to the left and stick my neck out to the mirror, I can feel like I see a tiny slightly raised part where the node is. I don't know if it's my anxiety or if its because Im sticking my neck out towards the mirror. Otherwise, it's not visible like a grape sticking out or anything.

I had recently discovered that there was a node on the exact opposite side of the neck... bilateral on the left side now. This one feels less raised but it does feel about 1cm in length and very similar to the one on the right side.

The questions driving me crazy are:

- Could this node been there forever and I am just noticing now?
- Is it even considered swollen? I know my doctor said it was normal sized but I have my doubts thanks to anxiety.
- It's not visible so would I have even noticed it if I weren't poking for it?
- Could I have caused it to get bigger by poking at it the way I do? (Obsessively)

Oh I need major help you guys. I can't stop looking for reassurance. It's a crazy and terrible cycle.

I just hope someone can sympathize with me and understand my fears.

[nomorepanic]

Hi

This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.

Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.

It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.

[tsmc223]

Like what do I even do anymore? Do I leave it alone? Do I see another doctor for yet another opinion? Do I stop poking at it? How do I know for sure it's not changing if I can't touch it?

[NotDeadYet]

Like what do I even do anymore? Do I leave it alone? Do I see another doctor for yet another opinion? Do I stop poking at it?

You absolutely leave it alone and work on your mental heath! You are going to drive yourself insane. This really isn't any way to live. I know! I've been in your same spot. You have to tell yourself to stop touching, poking, and inspecting it! Just challenge your thoughts. They are just thoughts and false thoughts at that since you have been given an all clear by two doctors.

How do I know for sure it's not changing if I can't touch it?

The reality is that you have no idea if it's changing by touching it every second of the day. Your brain won't pick up those changes. Instead tell yourself that you'll check it in a week and then DO NOT TOUCH IT. Then touch it once the week is over and you'll be able to notice a difference. **Whispers: There won't be a difference because there isn't anything wrong.**

Best Wishes

[tsmc223]

Thank you NotDeadYet. This is day 3 of not touching it now. I’ve given it light pokes but no more than that.

I’ve been trying to calm myself down with the fact that:

- It feels like a bean and is soft.
- Not visible.
- Not growing (I don’t think since I found it 5 weeks ago)
- Wouldnt have found it if I weren’t looking for it so it could’ve been there for years.
- Have seen two doctors who are not concerned and didn’t send for further tests.

Really trying hard not to poke at it. Like I’ve said before, I haven’t even gone more than a four days without poking it constantly for 5 weeks. Really need to stop hurting the node.

[tsmc223]

Using this thread as a journal for me - Starting again at Day 1 of not poking it.

Spent all day poking and squeezing it. For some reason - when I don’t worry about it, it feels soft. My mind is like playing tricks on me. Sometimes it feels massive, sometimes it feels almost nonexistent.

[tsmc223]

It's so weird - I managed to stop worrying about it way less. Another worry came up. And I've noticed how soft this node actually is and now I'm questioning whether or not it is a node or if it's some sort of muscle since it's also on the other side. Could be a node. But yeah, I've given it some pokes and it feels... SOFT!

When I worry about it, it feels huge, but when I don't worry or worry less, it feels soft. I think I'm at the end of this. It also hasn't changed since I found it two months ago...

[Fishmanpa]

Can I ask how, being that this is a non-issue, journaling your worries publicly benefits you?

FMP

[tsmc223]

Can I ask how, being that this is a non-issue, journaling your worries publicly benefits you?

FMP

I guess it helps me get out my thoughts along with helping others out there. I know for me, I had to visit countless forums to see other people's experiences. Maybe it could help someone out there also worrying about lymph nodes