Palpable Lymph Node in Neck - How normal is this?

[tsmc223]

Hi all! I'm new here and I'm pleased to see that I'm not alone in this lymph node/lymphoma fear. I'm 21 years old with pretty severe anxiety: I have convinced myself that I have had various cancers, diabetes, tetanus, swollen tongue etc; have had worries about my family, my home, etc. you name it! The whole pandemic as made my anxiety even worse. It's awful, and luckily, I've always been ok in the end. I'm blessed to have good health but not blessed with this severe anxiety!

Anyway, my recent fear is palpable lymph nodes. To start off, I can feel several... if I look for them. The one I'm worried about is the one on my neck - right side. It's small, invisble (can't see it, only can be felt pretty easily), I would say it's about 1cm as I can fit it in between the tips of my index finger and thumb although I know it's not always accurate to measure something from the outside. I would say it's soft (feels softer than a bean but definitely feels solid and squishy but not super squishy if that makes sense). I can't feel it by simply brushing my fingers down each side of the neck but I can feel it when I start pressing around and since I know exactly where it is. I can feel another node on the opposite side in the same exact region but it doesn't feel raised, although I have been giving it a poke and prod for at least the past three weeks since I've found it (and yes, there have been times where I've spend a few hours poking at it in one session - I'm trying to stop but it's so hard). Both seem to be the same size about 1cm (kind of like a kidney bean or small edamame bean) however, the right one seems raised (probably from me poking and squeezing it). Though, I'm still freaked out. I will say that I am very thin; 5'8 and 133lbs and I read that it's easy to feel in slim individuals.

Otherwise, I feel completely fine, I have had normal CBC and I have seen two doctors: my original pediatrician (about three weeks ago) and a new adult GP (a week ago) - who is great btw! - and they both felt it and have said that what I'm feeling is normal and they aren't concerned in the slightest. Words from my adult GP: "That lymph node is not concerning at all! I'm not worried about it!" - and she gave me after visit report stating that it was a "normal sized, soft, movable lymph node". My anxiety has gotten in the way despite these reassurances and I have wondered whether or not she was feeling what I'm feeling or if she was feeling a palpable vein that is right next to it - however I have to remind myself that I have seen two trained doctors who have been doctors for decades and if they were concerned, they would've sent for more tests. I was surprised by the way they felt it compared to the way I feel my neck. They lightly pressed around while I seem to press with a bit of pressure and dig around. I can also feel two other nodes each side on my neck and one tiny pea sized one in my submandibular region.

To be honest, I feel like I may have never even noticed these things unless I looked for them. I'm honestly not sure how long they've been palpable because I simply don't prod around my neck the way I do now (anxiously!). They're not visible except for the right side one that I can only see if I bend my neck far (and even then it's hard to see - I've taken a photo and can't see it) but other than that, can't see it only can be felt. Despite having reassurance from my doctors, I just still can't help but worry. I was fine for a few days - but then, the anxiety picked right back up. I seriously don't know what to do at this point.

Can poking/pressing/proddng nodes make them more defined and swell? I feel like during the days I was fine, it felt small, softer and even non-existent, but as soon as the anxiety picked up - it feels HUGE! I hate anxiety so much.