Palpable Lymph Node in Neck - How normal is this?

[tsmc223]

OMG!! Someone messaged me about how they're going through a similar situation about SWOLLEN nodes and how I should see an ENT about an ultrasound just for peace of mind. I told her/him that my doctor wasn't concerned and didn't send for one or any additional tests and this person told me how an ENT is more experienced than a GP about lymph nodes.... WHAT?! This cannot be true, right? I SHOULD trust my GP right? Like... GPs are trained on nodes for years and KNOW what to look for... why would that person say that to me?

Now... I've begun poking at it... again. I can't even make it a full week without poking it. I'm so disappointed in myself. Realistically thinking, it could've been here longer than I'm noticing. So I'm really hoping this has just been a normal sized lymph node that has always been present. I also saw my boyfriend yesterday and felt his neck. He is bigger than me and I did feel some little bean type lumps if I pressed down.. kind of similar to me. I didn't wanna go in further cause he would probably think I'm weird but I felt them and he didn't even seem concerned. (He knows about my lymph node anxiety).

[tsmc223]

I can't do this anymore. Do I see more doctors for further examination? Do I get an ultrasound? Do I stop and relax? Idk what to do.

I started poking again.. after just four days of not worrying and that message I got triggered me again. I can't live like this anymore. I want to think normally again. How do I KNOW it's not growing? How do I know if it's not growing if I can't poke and check it? Why can't I just be normal after seeing my docs?

[NotDeadYet]

Do you have access to a mental health professional that you can talk to and work through this with?

[tsmc223]

Do you have access to a mental health professional that you can talk to and work through this with?

I don't. I really just know what to do anymore. I feel trapped. This is overtaking my life. Over a lymph node. Who would've thought I would be worried about THIS! Idk if I should keep worrying or just breathe. I can't stop poking. It's like my hand is drawn to my neck. I can't do this anymore.

[tsmc223]

God.. someone please give me some good advice.
Am I absolutely worrying about noting and ruining my days over this?
How do I know its not growing if I don't poke it or if I don't turn my neck to see it in the mirror?
How do I know it's always been there?
Could my constant poking and squeezing caused it to swell and raise? Should I stop?

So many questions. I just want to cry.

[Fishmanpa]

God.. someone please give me some good advice.

You need to contact a professional...

Positive thoughts

[tsmc223]

I just feel hopeless now. Even with professional help, I feel like I’ll still worry. I’ve poked at it so much that I think I made it swell. I really hope it goes soft again or back down and get smaller. I haven’t been able to keep my hands off of it since I found it. :(

[Fishmanpa]

Did you contact anyone from the link I posted?

FMP

[tsmc223]

No :(

Idk if my poking is affecting it.
I really wanna not poke it for a whole week.

[Fishmanpa]

No :(

Then why even post here? You ask for help. I gave you a direct link here in the States to get it. Shit or get off the pot dude!

FMP