Terrified I have alcoholic neuropathy

[LF87]

Yeah thats true. You have different variants of drinkers as I discussed with the med examiner about my dad. Many alcoholics are just constantly drunk and cannot function at all, whereas your friend, myself, have a habitual way of making it fit in. Hoping the doctor can give me some advice going forward and hopefully tell me I'm not permanently damaged already. So strange how these things escalate. If you'd told me two years ago I'd have laughed! Was playing competitive netball, enjoying life, doing well in a degree. Then the wheels just fall off like a bolt out of the blue

[Cusper]

Hi LF, I am so happy you are going to see your doctor. Your doctor will be able to get you into an outpatient or inpatient program where they can walk you through quitting. It is so important that you get help. I am telling you I was exactly where you were. I am sure you know this but someone said, "What you focus on expands" I had a tingling middle finger (hahah i know) for 3 months. And all I did was focus on that finger. I did all of the things you did. I didn't tell anyone though. I was afraid to tell people that I was an alcoholic. I would say most, if not all alcoholics have OCD. (obsession of the mind with the compulsion to drink) I had to stop because at the point that I quit I was waking up in the morning in pure panic and by 10am I had to have a beer just to calm down. It was at that point I had to quit. So I still did not tell anyone but my husband. We were so poor at the time that I could not afford to go to rehab.(which I would have loved to do) So I quit slowly after a week. Now everyone will not recommend the weaning but I was determined. Then I joined the Sober Recovery site and I would go on there all of the time. Everyone on that site is just like you. You will be able to relate to what they are talking about. You can post about whatever you need help on and there will be people who will reach out to you. I can see that you want to quit. You are reaching out on here that means you do have concern for yourself. It's just scary making the first step, which you have by being accountable for the fact that you drink too much. A lot of people don't even believe they have a problem so just admitting that is sooooo important. My parents are still alcoholics and they would never admit it because they have a nice house and are retired. Not on the street with a paper bag. Also, I wanted to recommend "Talk Sober" on youtube. There are several others but I love these guys, they met at rehab years ago and now they do this youtube channel. They give you good tools and they explain a lot about getting sober in a way that the other sites haven't. I hope this helps. I know exactly where you are because I have been exactly that. I had to ban myself for life from google. So far, every single disease I have self diagnosed with the help of google has not happened. But at the time I was so convinced it was something terminal. That is OCD. I still worry but nowhere near what I did when I drank. Please let me know how your doctors appointment goes.

[ankietyjoe]

Yeah thats true. You have different variants of drinkers as I discussed with the med examiner about my dad. Many alcoholics are just constantly drunk and cannot function at all, whereas your friend, myself, have a habitual way of making it fit in. Hoping the doctor can give me some advice going forward and hopefully tell me I'm not permanently damaged already. So strange how these things escalate. If you'd told me two years ago I'd have laughed! Was playing competitive netball, enjoying life, doing well in a degree. Then the wheels just fall off like a bolt out of the blue

Again, I would encourage the idea that using language like 'bolt out of the blue' removes your responsibility from this.

This is absolutely not an exercise in blame or criticism, but you need to own the actions that got you here. You absolutely know that drinking 1-3 bottles a night is way beyond ok, so first thing to admit is that YOU got yourself here, for whatever reason. That gives you the opportunity to stop too. If you played no part in starting, how do begin to play a part is stopping? Know what I mean?

[LF87]

Cusper, yes I have diagnosed OCD which is interesting. I've also said to my partner, half the time I don't even feel like I need a drink but it MUST be in the house and I WILL drink it even if I don't want to. Its definitely part of some obsessional workings. Youre so right about the focusing too. I mean, my foot is definitely numb, but most people would probably forget about for most of the day until it went away. Its all I've thought about now for a week, non stop,and diagnosed myself with the worst possible scenario. And like you thats ramped up my need to drink earlier and earlier than I usually would. And it is so scary thinking of life without it, even for a day, because its so integral now. But I know I have to, its gone too far and taken so much. Its amazing you did what you did. And I will get onto that page tonight, I'm definitely going to need the support. Thank you so much for sharing your experience, it makes me have some hope. Ill definitely let you know how tomorrow goes X

[Cusper]

Hi LF! I am not surprised that you have OCD. I come from a family of them and I am undiagnosed but I know my patterns. You know, it sounds sooooo cliche but it really is a one day at a time. I would FREAK out about the idea of NEVER drinking again. But each day, it was like I knew the terror I felt drinking all of the time and knew that I really didn't have a choice. I have children and I didn't want them to grow up the way I did. Having alcoholic parents made me feel constantly unsafe in my own home growing up and I was sure my kids would not feel that way. Also, genetically speaking I know I have the gene and they could too so I have be on my game if they go through the same struggles. We still have alcohol in the house because my husband still drinks and I am at the point where I just know exactly what would happen if I ever drank again. My life goes off the rails. You are in the middle of it right now but once you talk to people who are actively in recovery or listen to audiobooks, whatever, there is a ton of stuff out there to help you. My number 1 priority before anything in life now is my sobriety because if not, everything else falls apart, especially my sanity. Active alcoholics are insane. It's not you, it's the alcohol. I thought, said and did things when I was drunk that I would NEVER do sober. You will see all of this after you have had some time under your belt. And really each day just say to yourself, "I will not drink today" Also, the more people that you talk to, you will start to realize you are capable of it. And there are people who are not alcoholics who will just tell you to quit but if they are not an alcoholic they have no idea what they are talking about. People used to say well, can't you just have one and leave it at that?!!!!!!!!!!! These are the people that can leave half a glass of wine on the table and switch to coffee. No idea at all. Three glasses was the beginning of my night. ok I could go on and on but I believe you can do this. Get yourself immersed in all of the resources out there with information. Before I quit I used to watch "Intervention" and I would drink while a watched it. But it's all of these little steps that will add up. Ok good luck tomorrow. Be brave, you can do this.

[LF87]

Cusper, I had my appointment. It was a phone appointment for now as they're trying hot to have people in clinic. She said it sounds like a trapped nerve and should fix itself, and that alcoholic neuropathy would be the same in both feet at the same time. But she did say if it hasn't cleared in a few weeks she'll do some blood tests, and a liver function test which has really freaked me out! I know it'll be a terrible count after the sheer abuse over the last year or two and because of health anxiety I have major text anxiety and always try to avoid having any done. But I guess I'll have to if it doesn't go away. Hopefully it'll just fade off like she said.
Youre so right, honestly the amount of times my boyfriend says well just don't have anymore! Or my brother who gets super angry is like well just stop for God's sake. I'm like, do you think I wouldn't do that if it was so easy. Its a massive fear to just stop, I've relied on it so long to help me through the days, especially after my dad died. Intervention, is that the show on Netflix? I've just bought a book called Alcohol control by Annie Grace which is apparently a life saver book, has huge results. She starts by saying don't force yourself not to drink, have a drink even whilst you're reading if necessary, to.prveent that sudden fear of deprivation. Its about the conscious and unconscious desire to drink which will definitely link to OCD I think. Can I ask how many years you drank for? I can PM if don't want to talk on here x

[WiredIncorrectly]

It depends. If I'm having good days it'll be a bottle of wine. Bad days, it can be 3 bottles and I'll start much earlier, say lunchtime, and drink steadily until I go to bed. Which has been the case since I started freaking out about my foot and the neuropathy routine, and is always the case if I'm worried about a health thing. Then I move onto something else and the cycle starts again with a few good weeks inbetween each ailment.
I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow and will be totally honest about my intake. Just hoping I haven't spoiled myself for life because I really want to knock this on the head for good and I've only just started seeing the psychologist to get help for it. X

How did it go with the doctor?

3 bottles is quite a lot. I've been there and done that.

It's my responsibility to tell you that cold turkey quitting could be dangerous for you. I'm not saying this to increase your anxiety and you don't have to worry about anything. But, if you was to stop suddenly and something did happen to you I would feel to blame. I am not a doctor so please discuss what we've all said with your doctor.

You'll probably be ok going cold turkey but it's going to be a rough ride for a week. After that it gets easier, you just have to ignore cravings. It's funny because I told my family I was an alcoholic and they all laughed like I was joking.

Get yourself on that forum too please. Stay here ofc, but over there you'll get a bit more support from fellow alcoholics and recovering alcoholics.

There's tablets you can take that will make you vomit if you drink alcohol. They might be useful, but personally I think it's better to face the daemon than to use aids.

Joe is right though, you must accept. Your sentences should read "I", not "its my OCD at play".

You're on the right tracks, and without this post you may never have book a doctors appointment. Please keep posting, we're here to help you

[LF87]

Hey Wired. Yeah, the psychologist woman im seeing said the same regarding cold turkey. She said we mustn't stop completely incase of 'fitting'. I was like woaa don't say that haha. She said just to start pouring one glass of any bottle that I drink down the sink, and we'll keep reducing from there, which seems reasonable. I signed up to Sober Recovery, seems a great site. Although I did end up down a 'Neuropathy' thread which isn't great. But most people on there said they'd been drinking 10+ years before they had symptoms. So yes, my doctor said she thinks trapped nerve but if I'm still worried in a few weeks she'll do full bloods. And I have my next appointment with the psychologist tomorrow so hopefully that'll help again.

[ankietyjoe]

Well done you.

This won't be easy, but don't see setbacks as failures. This is long haul.

[Cusper]

Hi LF! I am so happy you talked with your doctor!! Yes I have heard Annie Grace. She is all over youtube as well. I really like her. Also, a lot of people Like Allen Carr's "The Easy Way To Stop Drinking" In that book he wants you to drink while you read it. I also read a book "Alcohol Lied To Me". So I would say in total I drank for 25 years. I quit several times throughout, 3 months here, 3 months there... Back in 2013 I quit for 2 years and then a pile of things happened and I slipped again. Then I drank for another couple years and then finally quit. I know that I have no business having a drink now. If I just have one it activates all of those old neuro pathways. That's why alcoholics can never switch to moderate drinking. I have tried it a million times and the road always leads back to binge drinking. Intervention is a show you can find on Youtube. I don't think it's on Netflix in the UK. They did have it for a while on Canadian Netflix. But If you youtube "Intervention-alcoholic episodes" There are several on there along with other addictions. Honestly there are some great documentaries on Youtube, that actually was filmed in the UK. I think really just educating yourself on what alcohol does to your brain/body helps steer you in the right direction. For the longest time I didn't think I had a problem because I was more of a weekend drinker. But once I was at home all the time being a stay at home mom the days got closer and closer together. I think it was a combination of anxiety over being responsible for someone else and the isolation being home all of the time. And the funny thing was in the end I wasn't even really drunk, I was just drinking continuously so I would avoid withdrawals and panic. I still have panic because I come on this site. But it's nowhere near the way it was when I drank. I know that at any time if someone were to need help I can help them. Where as before I would turn off my phone and avoid people because I had been drinking. I didn't even want to leave the house sometimes because I was afraid I was going to run into someone and they would know. Also, you are going to notice that you will start looking so much better. The bags under your eyes will go and your eyes will be clear. And it doesn't happen over night but you will start to notice. Oh! and keep a journal of your progress. That really helps. I did a whole VLOG the first time I really quit and it was amazing to see the change in the way I looked in just a year. I did a video each week talking about my symptoms and the things I was doing to get well. I highly recommend that. Feel free to message me anytime and I am happy to help. I am not on this all of the time, so if I don't respond right away, that's why.