Dizzy, lightheaded, off-balance, bobbing, swaying, walking on a mattress, being pulled to one side!

How am I supposed to live like this? every second of every day nonstop I've had this since 27/7/2017.

Recently I've confronted fly tippers!
Had the police round as I had a go at a neighbour for consistently parking their car in the middle of two spaces! Someone had some road rage with me today because I let a car out at a junction, so I got out and had to stop myself from giving them a kicking!
I've spent the last year saying "mask" "well that was a fine two metres" etc to people!
I had a go at a taxi driver who was parked in the middle of the drop off and pick point at Asda today as it's designed for two cars!
I'm telling people they shouldn't be parking in parent and child parking spaces when they are without child!
I could go on.

I'm not a bad person, I had a good upbringing, I'm well mannered and always think of others and go out of my way to help others, but I just want to give everyone a slap and argue with people if they won't take a telling when they're doing something that in my eyes they are being ignorant and selfish tw*ts and I could never imagine doing it myself.

Eighteen months ago I wanted to take my own life. The psychiatrist asked if I would act on my thoughts and I said no, so I was out the door. Truth be known that is only because I don't have the bottle, but I do go to bed every night hoping I don't wake up.

I have a fast tracked MRI coming up next week, I'm not tearful because of this scan, but I'm tearful all the time and I'm not a cryer.

I've got much more going on than I've written about. I'm really, really struggling.

Matt