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Thread: Blah!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
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    1,609

    Blah!

    Dizzy, lightheaded, off-balance, bobbing, swaying, walking on a mattress, being pulled to one side!

    How am I supposed to live like this? every second of every day nonstop I've had this since 27/7/2017.

    Recently I've confronted fly tippers!
    Had the police round as I had a go at a neighbour for consistently parking their car in the middle of two spaces! Someone had some road rage with me today because I let a car out at a junction, so I got out and had to stop myself from giving them a kicking!
    I've spent the last year saying "mask" "well that was a fine two metres" etc to people!
    I had a go at a taxi driver who was parked in the middle of the drop off and pick point at Asda today as it's designed for two cars!
    I'm telling people they shouldn't be parking in parent and child parking spaces when they are without child!
    I could go on.

    I'm not a bad person, I had a good upbringing, I'm well mannered and always think of others and go out of my way to help others, but I just want to give everyone a slap and argue with people if they won't take a telling when they're doing something that in my eyes they are being ignorant and selfish tw*ts and I could never imagine doing it myself.

    Eighteen months ago I wanted to take my own life. The psychiatrist asked if I would act on my thoughts and I said no, so I was out the door. Truth be known that is only because I don't have the bottle, but I do go to bed every night hoping I don't wake up.

    I have a fast tracked MRI coming up next week, I'm not tearful because of this scan, but I'm tearful all the time and I'm not a cryer.

    I've got much more going on than I've written about. I'm really, really struggling.

    Matt

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
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    1,609

    Re: Blah!

    Just add the neighbour with the selfish parking is the street bully not me.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
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    5,234

    Re: Blah!

    Sorry you're having such an awful time of it, Matt. I know from experience how angry anxiety can make a person.

    That said, it sounds to me as though your anxiety/anger is out of control right now. Would you be able to contact your GP about this? It sounds as though you're in real pain right now and I'd also worry about you expressing your anger at the wrong person.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    3,212

    Re: Blah!

    Iím sorry too Matt. Sometimes it can all seem so relentless. I know from your posts that youíve been having all sorts of tests, and how unresolved symptoms can be such a drag. I hope your GP can help.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    12,424

    Re: Blah!

    I'm not sure whether expressing anger is better than internalising it but you're obviously very angry and frustrated with everything going on with and around you and this will drag you down depression-wise..but you know all this of course and it's hardly a helpful comment on my part.

    I presume you haven't got a diagnosis to explain the balance problems? I thought you got somewhere with a consultant at UCH a while back? Relentless unexplained symptoms must be so debilitating. I can't imagine that your GP is much use other than sending you off for tests?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    4,673

    Re: Blah!

    Sounds like you're walking around looking for things to be angry about. I've been there.

    I think a good thing to do would be to take off your parking policeman hat for a start. It's about putting your calm at a higher level of importance than other peoples ignorance.

    Yes, people are *******s.

    Your symptoms are familiar to me, and mostly born out of muscle tension.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Posts
    7,379

    Re: Blah!

    Matt, I can totally resonate with your post today and I know that it isn't written lightly.
    I could have almost written a similar one myself.
    Not only is it hell trying to live with these feelings and feeling like there is something disconnected in your brain, I only said to my other half that I wondered if part of my neck is severed and normal things like walking, moving, talking doesn't seem to be coordinated like it should be, and he just told me not to be so silly.
    So I completely understand how you feel and how difficult it is to live with.
    But we know deep down its not a permanent feeling. Like yourself I've had this going on for near enough 4 years and probably 7 if I include other periods.
    I also have the people thing.
    Just about everyone I come into contact with seems to be filled with enough aggression to fill King Kong's hands with. From drivers, pedestrians, neighbours and family! I'm sure you can resonate.
    It feels like I'm everyone's verbal punch bag. I feel as though I'm crying inside from just too much pain and grief. but it's not about me, this is about you, but I wanted to let you know that I basically feel the same way so you would not feel alone in your suffering.
    There are some things you can do to help. I won't say cure because we don't want more disappointment of any failure.
    Ankietyjoe is right about the muscle tension.
    Not only is our mind tensed, our body follows suit. We might as well be wearing knight's armour for all the tension we carry.
    So first thing is to find some sort of exercise or sport to release some of this tension and adrenalin and pent up anger and emotions.
    The second is to include stuff in your diet that helps with the anxiety. You can look this up on the Internet, but for me that would be wheat based foods, green vegetables, especially curly kale, apples and lots of water.
    Thirdly, something you enjoy or find relaxing must be included in your day.
    Fourthly, time to release your muscles and mind chatter with meditation, watching an App or listening to calming music.
    As far as 'people' are concerned, I'm afraid their are very few that may be decent and caring like yourself. And being friendly and easy going can be a target for not so nice folks.
    But you are the better person and you can't change anyone else's attitude, but you need to just be and let all the sh it from life go over your head.
    I highly recommend listening /reading to Eckhart Tolle who once was at the end of his tether and managed to find inspiration with a new meaning of life.
    And for those symptoms Matt, they are not dangerous, you are not dying, they are very common anxiety feelings that are a result of too much stress and grief.
    Release those and you will start to see an improvement.
    I'm always around if you need me to chat to Matt.
    Never feel like you are alone in your suffering. x

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