Agoraphobia - The Diary
Hi All,
As you know I decided to ditch my meds and go it alone with the battle to beat the agoraphobia.
I have decided to do a daily diary on here to give me the incentive to push myself each day, and hopefully it will encourage others to give it a go too.
So if anyone wants to join me on the thread posting what they have done each day and how they have felt whilst doing it, their thoughts, ideas, well basically anything, please do so, as it may make it easier for us all.
So here goes :
Monday - I waited till it was dark and said I would walk to the top of the road and wait for Ami who walks home from work, Erin (my youngest) came with me along with the dog. The walk to the top of the road wasn't too bad, so we walked a little way along the alley to stand and wait for Ami, thats when I started to feel jittery and could feel the anxiety building. Two little old people decided to stop for a chat, I had to stand and make polite conversation, when really I wanted to shout at them to 'go away cause im finding this soooo hard'. Eventually they said bye and walked away .......... phew relief. Still no sign of Ami and Erin is asking me 'are you ok mum, how do you feel mum, are you sure your ok mum', bless her she was just being concerned but I wanted to yell at her to be quiet your making me think of it even more. After another couple of minutes I couldnt stand there any longer, the feeling of passing out just got too much, I passed the dog to Erin and said quick Ive got to go, and I literally ran home, Erin and Kai trailing behind, and Ami still no where in sight. Once indoors all the usual panic feelings started to subside and the tears started to flow, poor Ami walked in doors to a quivering wreck of a mother. I rang a friend (thanks Zinn) and just ranted, how much I hated this, why is something so simple so hard to do, until i finally calmed back down, but I felt shattered for the rest of the evening.
Tuesday - I waited for Ami to come home from work this time, then asked her if she would walk with me, which she said suprised her after the state I was in on monday.
So armed with the dog, we walked to the top of the road, which again was fine, then down the side of the houses, and back down the back alley, this wasnt too bad because its pitch black and I felt safer, although Ami was saying if anyone jumps out on us mum im blaming you for dragging us down the alleyway lol. Made it to the back gate and indoors in once peice without having to run this time. My breathing was all over the place and I felt shattered again for the rest of the evening.
So this evening I will do the same walk as yesterday and see how it goes.
Im going to keep doing this short walk each evening until I can do it without worrying about it, then progress to a slightly longer walk, then so on etc.
So come on all you agoraphobics lets beat this once and for all lol
Love
Trac xxxx
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I take the good with the bad, Smile with the sad, Love what I got, And remember what I had.
Always forgave, But never forgot,
Learned from my mistakes, But never regret.
People change, Things go wrong,
I just remembered...Life Goes On
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