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Thread: I knew it was going to end like this...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
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    177

    I knew it was going to end like this...

    Hello to all,

    I have been having worsening of my anxiety and especially OCD. Very often if I have a bad spell of HA, t ends up with me fearing that I somehow got infected with HIV. It has been like this for years.

    Anyway - as soon as I sorted some fears regarding my tongue ( that was the most recent), I felt almost happy and decided that I will try to enjoy life more. And then, of course: I went to my local Whole Foods, and now they clean the carts for you, due to Covid. So, the lady shows me just cleaned carts, and I take one. I put my hands on the rail, and it id almost dripping wet. So, I wipe it with my own wipes and then tissues, and wipe my hands, and start shopping. And then I froze: what if that particular cart, at the very end of clean carts line, was actually not cleaned, and it was somebody's sperm!!! The only sort of "comfort" is that I have intact skin on my hands.

    Need I say more? If someone just slaps me back to the reality, I know it will help me. Please. Thank you guys, in advance.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
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    , , United Kingdom.
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    45,046

    Re: I knew it was going to end like this...

    How can sperm get on a trolley ?

    Can you not see this is totally irrational?

    What help are you getting?
    __________________
    Nicola

    ďDon't be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don't have to live forever, you just have to live.Ē - Natalie Babbitt

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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
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    22,280

    Re: I knew it was going to end like this...

    Respectfully, I realize that anxiety cause irrational thoughts but do you have any perception of how absolutely ridiculous that comes across as?

    FMP
    __________________
    "Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings God gives you in this life. Live, love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest is meaningless... Like chasing the wind." King Solomon

    The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
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    177

    Re: I knew it was going to end like this...

    Nicola & Fishmanpa,

    Forgive me. Thank you so much, I know I need to fix this mind. You are totally right, this is beyond pathetic.

    Thank you again.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    12,371

    Re: I knew it was going to end like this...

    It's not "pathetic", Lana. It's a manifestation of your overwhelming distress.

    You said that you had a huge amount of respect and faith in your doctor but can he not see the need for you to have some psychological therapy to help you with these awful fears?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    3,172

    Re: I knew it was going to end like this...

    Youíre very brave for writing that all down Lana, knowing that you will possibly get ridiculed. But also, you need to be able to learn to recognise and ignore an intrusive thought when you get one. We all get them, itís just that people in control of their anxiety donít ruminate or react to them.

    Do you get any help with your anxiety? Do you know how to help yourself to relax?


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Posts
    177

    Re: I knew it was going to end like this...

    Pulisa,

    Thank you so much for your kind words. I have been in therapy for many years, and on various medications. I finally stopped maybe two years ago, because I wanted to give my physical body a break from medication. But, I see now that it is time to go back, and my doctor whom I , as you said, really trust, discusses this with me often. He even recently offered to try ANAFRANIL, apparently the best for OCD alone. SO, it is not him - it is me, hoping that I can do without. I cannot.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Posts
    177

    Re: I knew it was going to end like this...

    Dear Scass,

    That is the key, as you correctly said - to recognize and control intrusive thought. I read so much about OCD and how to fight it, all the time. As I just replied to Pulisa, I obviously will have to go back to medication. But, I just want to say that , after reading and researching about this for years now, I concluded that some people are truly prone to it. The big part of it is biology - my 22 year old son got it really, really bad when he was 16, and was not able to function for almost two years. I moved heaven and hell to find the best doctor for him, and we put him on medication. He is completely recovered now, and free of it almost 100 %. I was petrified that he would suffer like me, but, thank dear God, the doctor saved him. What I am trying to say is that it obviously run in my side of the family, because, when I think back now, I firmly believed my father had it ( but he died early). Thank you so much for you encouragement .

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    12,371

    Re: I knew it was going to end like this...

    I'm so pleased to hear that your son was successfully treated, Lana. My daughter was diagnosed with OCD when she was 10 (she is also autistic) and is now almost 30.

    OCD is an awful affliction. I've heard that Anafranil is a very good choice of medication. You've tried going without meds for a while but I think that this pandemic has really been the worst nightmare for people with contamination OCD. Having such a trusted doctor is such a bonus for you..He will look after you and offer the best advice. I really hope that things get better for you very soon, Lana.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Posts
    177

    Re: I knew it was going to end like this...

    Oh, Pulisa, this pandemic year truly has been horrific, for most people, let alone people like me. I also lost my mother this past summer, she literally died in my arms after short, but very ugly suffering. I was her only care giver. I am just praying all the time that my son continues to be OK. I hope your daughter is doing really good, and I wish you both all the best in life.

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