My mum really doesn't understand my panic disorder. I had a couple of panic attacks when we went to the shop, she got angry with me and i yelled back at her in frustration. She thinks i am just being disruptive. She has grounded me for 2 weeks and confiscated my phone, telly and PlayStation as punishment. Being grounded itself is ok, during lockdown i hardly go anywhere anyway so that part of the punishment isn't a major issue, being without a phone, telly or PlayStation is though. Anyway i don't understand why she thinks punishing me is going to help. Surely you can't just use punishments for panic disorder and expect it to go away? She won't take it seriously and won't let me see a doctor. Also she told me the doctor is too busy to see me right now because of covid-19, she said i should not be selfish and waste their time.i wouldn't be so bothered about being punished if i was getting some help at the same time but she just punishes me and won't let me get help so its really frustrating and unfair i think. i don't really know what to do? She lectured me about being a ''bad boy'' but i'm not simply a bad boy, i am a boy with some problems.
Also she is really religious but i am unsure how i feel, i feel like i might be agnostic but she is furious with me. She handed me a bible and told me to read it and then made me kneel and worship the Lord. I think sometimes when she bullies me and gets mad about God it makes me panic and get anxious worse. She told me she wished she can use a belt to give me ''strips'' apparently the bible mentions corporal punishment. because she is aware that its banned in the UK she won't do it but she told me she wanted to beat me. Also i self harmed by cutting and she screamed at me about committing a sin. ok its bad to cut myself but she talks to me about self harm being a sin and then tells me about wanting to use a belt on me? so i can't hurt myself but she wants to hurt me?!
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