Hi guys.I know this is another lengthy post (I'm a wordy person) and I'm SO sorry for that but please take one for the team and read this for me. I'm sorry to ask that, I know I am such a burden, but I'm in really desperate need of help, so I'm hoping some people will read this and reply. I can't eat and can't work. I'm a writer and can't focus at all on writing for my client. 41 year old female here. On the keto diet, and I eat quite a bit of cheese and dairy, and chicken. I went from 187 pounds to 130 pounds over the last year and a half. No major health issues, non smoker except for pot, which I am taking a break from. I'm losing myself and really need help. I have a new therapist I've had two sessions with and had a session today but I was feeling so depressed I couldn't talk much. I also just started on escitaloprám about a week ago because I just can't stand the way I'm feeling. My health anxiety is so out of control right now, and I don't know where else to turn because I'm too afraid to visit the doctor.
I can't handle the thought of waiting for test results and my agoraphobia and OCD about the pandemic is so bad that I haven't left my apartment other than to go into my backyard for many months, with the exception of two ultrasounds and a chest X-ray in December. I get my groceries delivered and literally haven't had contact with a soul other than my daughter and the ultrasound techs since May. My ultrasounds were for pelvic pain, and for irregular bleeding. I paid for both of them as I couldn't wait for results and these private clinic results came the same day. It was more than I could afford but I couldn't stop myself. X-ray was normal and both ultrasounds (one abdominal, one vaginal), showed no abnormalities EXCEPT three polyps on my gallbladder, one being 7 mm. They said to get another ultrasound in six months, which seems absurd to me because I would think gallbladder cancer could grow faster than that and six months seems like a gamble - frankly I just want the thing taken out but my doctor doesn't support me on this, even though I've read of many cases in which doctors say take it out if you have one that large.
So the first ultrasound was the abdominal one and it revealed the polyps as well as what I was there for - groin lymph nodes in the right side, the largest one measures 16 x 6 x 4 mm - 16 is WAY bigger than a CM, yet they are classified as "normal lymph nodes"! The left side one measures 11 x 4 mm (third dimension not available). How this is normal is beyond me. Anyway, the polyps have been of great concern to me since I have read WAY too much about them and am scared. I have been avoiding bloodwork because I am just terrified to go to a medical setting right now. I don't know what to do, I've been experiencing sharp right-sided pain that comes and goes in my right rib cage area, my lower abdomen, my lower back and the area where my gallbladder would be. It's sharp but not sharp enough to make me cry or anything - just annoying. The pain goes between these areas and isn't constant, it's like sharp pangs throughout the day that come and go. I also have some shooting pain in my right arm, wrist, hand and thigh, but it's mostly in the right side of the groin, abdomen, ribs and lower back. I also find I have wind quite a bit. I don't think it's the dairy and meat as I only eat once a day right now and haven't eaten much at all this past few days.
Now the big one - the other day I touched my neck because I had a pimple there a few days before that, and I felt a big, rock hard lump right where my hairline starts, on the left side. To me it feels grape sized, perfectly round, and isn't mobile. It does not feel the same at all on the right side. It's a bit more challenging feeling it when lying on my back with my neck relaxed, but when I'm sitting up and feel for it, it bulges out and can be easily felt. It can't be seen. Just felt. The area is now bruised and very sore because I have abused it so much with touching, rubbing, poking, pushing, etc. I know - another thing I should NOT be doing!! Logic tells me all that, but my OCD takes control. What really scares me is I have no idea how long it's been there as the only reason I was touching back there was to feel if the pimple was still there, and I'm not in the habit of touching that area - or at least I wasn't....until now!
I also feel very fatigued, but am never sure of that symptom as I've had it for many years. I have always liked to sleep more than most people, and always felt more tired and low energy. I was diagnosed with depression and OCD at age 10, by the way. I haven't had my blood checked in a few years because I'm so scared. I find it hard to get out of bed and I sleep a LOT to escape depression and anxiety, which I seem to go back and forth between all day. I always feel tired. I've been having night sweats once in a while, a couple of times last week, but not heavy ones, not enough to change the sheets or my clothes. I've had that off and on for several years as well. Also, in January I had a rash all over my stomach. It went away the same day and didn't come back, but I've read that lymphoma rashes can be intermittent. I did have redness on my stomach a couple of weeks ago but that went away within a couple of hours and hasn't returned. I am a ginger, VERY fair and have very sensitive skin.
A few years ago I had an ultrasound on my thyroid which found nodules I was supposed to get rechecked the following year but was too scared to. My health anxiety dances between obsessively going to the doctors and all-out avoiding it. Now I'm terrified I have thyroid cancer, or lymphoma or leukaemia. I'm also afraid the abdominal ultrasound tech didn't look close enough because nothing seems normal about this. According to the report, There are three gallbladder polyps measuring 7 mm, 4 mm, and 3 mm. No cholelithiasis is seen. The liver, biliary system, pancreas, spleen, kidneys, abdominal aorta, and upper IVC appear normal. There is no ascites.
However, the scan is noted as "targeted" to the groin nodes, so doesn't that mean they only took a quick glance at the rest and could have missed something? A lump in the neck, plus right sided groin/abdominal/rib pain/lower back pain and fatigue spells lymphoma everywhere I've read about it (yes, I have been googling - and yes, I know!!) From what I have read, this kind of right sided pain in lymphoma is due to an enlarged spleen. Is it possible they missed that on the scan OR that it's enlarged in the three months since the scan??? I am going crazy worrying about my daughter if anything were to happen. She NEEDS her mama. After having such a hard year she can't handle more. Her dad and I split up this Summer and the past year has been absolute hell.
I can't stomach the thought of her losing her mom. The year 2020 began with a fire in our apartment building, then the pandemic hit, then my dad was diagnosed with follicular lymphoma, then my husband and I split, then I lost a friend to suicide. And for the first time in 12 years, I live alone (except when my daughter is with me) and I am a total hermit.
I know nobody here can give me medical advice, I know I should probably see a doctor but I can't bring myself to leave my place right now. Has anyone else had symptoms like this and had it truly be nothing? Could this be gallbladder cancer advancing, the polyps growing this fast? With this pain, in three months since the ultrasound, could something serious be happening?? Would they have missed a cancer??? And the one-sided big lump in my neck, on the left side right where the hairline starts - I THINK it's the occipital node but can't be totally sure. It's scaring me SO badly. It's ruining me.
I will say, I've been wearing a lot of wigs lately as I have a craving to change my hair but don't want to damage it. One of them has a comb in the back that digs into the skin, and I have been itchy and red in that area. I also have very hot baths where I lean my head back against the tub and the hot water touches that area, but I've been doing that for ages. I also haven't washed my hair in quite awhile, aside from new dry shampoo. I'm so sorry for writing yet another novel and I pray people read it and respond. Succinctness has never been my forte. I'm so beyond terrified and I just don't know what to do. Please if someone can help me somehow. I can't eat I'm so anxiety-ridden. I really want to believe it isn't serious but this time I'm really scared that it is. I just don't see what else these symptoms could be - the pain, the fatigue, the lump - it all points to you-know-what. Can anyone help?
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Originally Posted by Shadyboo
