Well I'm here once again. Back on fluoxitine after 3 years of being off it. Last time it was a health problem that made me start flux, or rather my anxiety that was the result of it, and this time it's pretty much the same.
Im sorry if this post rambles, I'm using it for help and advice but I also suppose I'm using it as a bit of a flux diary for myself just to get my thoughts out. I have a health issue that is causing me unbelievable anxiety, all I can think of is what if this health issue won't go. I literally feel like if it got worse I couldn't live with it. I know im probably overreacting in my response to it but all I know is my anxiety is through the roof and I feel I'm losing myself. I'm scared im going crazy with fear.
I'm so deeply depressed and anxious I feel life is just not worth living if I had to carry on like this. I cry all the time. Then I feel incredibly guilty for even contemplating suicide as I have kids.
Im a single mum and lost my mum just before Christmas( no siblings &#128532 then my lovely Alaskan Malamute dog of 15 years was put to sleep just 3 weeks later. Now I have this awful health issue and I know I cannot take anymore. I have thought about ending things so many times in the last 6 weeks. It scares me.
So..I finally went back to my doctors and spewed all my thoughts about my anxiety and suicide. I told her I'm scared of starting flux again as even though it worked wonders (eventually!) I went through absolute HELL for the first 13 weeks, and I'm shit scared of having to do that all over again.
But I know I won't get better unless I start this medication. So I'm here again..day 1 of flux.
This time I'm only on 10mg for the first week, I suppose Im hoping this may lessen at least some of the side effects that I had last time, mostly the god awful anxiety I got! I feel I really couldn't cope with that again. So Iv just taken my first dose tonight. To be honest with a 10 I'm not expecting any bad side effects tonight or tomorrow. As we speak my anxiety is high because it's evening, and that is when it tends to kick in more. However Saturday I had it all day so everyday is different. I got a rough ride ahead, but so far today I feel I'm keeping it together. Just 😔 x