Re: Anxiety, brain fog and derealization
Originally Posted by
BrotatoChip
Last Spring my anxiety was pretty much full-on triggered after not being able to find a job for the summer. This, accompanied by stressful schoolwork that I kept feeling like I was mentally incapable of doing made me more anxious than ever. The anxiety manifested in very typical physical symptoms such as dizziness, palpitations, feeling out of breath etc. The anxiety was also accompanied by derealization and general brain fog. Essentially, whenever I had a bad day with anxiety I was very jumpy and my brain felt like it wants to jump out of my skull. I felt like running or screaming or whatever to exit from the current moment.
Fast forward to this spring; during the fall and winter my anxiety was much better. I felt much safer leaving my house and generally not as worried about losing my mind. Also, as opposed to last year, I was able to secure a great job in the long term, my studies are going terrific and I'm steady with my girlfriend.
So, even despite all these seemingly improved things, the springtime has again made me anxious. This time around I really can't pinpoint any exact causes of anxiety, as it's more a general feeling throughout the day. However, this year I feel like my anxiety has manifested in more mental symptoms.
This year I've had several spells of derealization, feeling like my brain is not functioning right. Again, I feel like my brain wants to exit out of my skull and feel like I need to do something about it or I'll vanish. Existential thoughts combined with general uneasyness combine to make a very tiring day to day routine, and I feel much less productive.
I guess what I'm aiming at here is pleading for peer support from people who have dealt with similar feelings; what do you do when you feel like your brain wants to jump out of your skull? When you feel like you need to do something but don't know what? When you feel like you might lose your mind completely any day now?
Thanks in advance for any responses.
Hiya BrotatoChip. Is that a Finnish flag I can see flying there? I often think how wonderful it is that NMP reaches out to so many countries.
Anyway, I could easily have typed out your post. I have complete empathy with your situation as I'm going through a similar phase. Those familiar thought patterns surrounding losing our minds, feeling cut off from reality, living inside a glass bubble etc. I've had it on and off over the years, but usually as a fleeting and isolated episode. For some reason this year its taken on a life of its own. I find myself questioning whether my body will function correctly, examining every movement, a kind of total body analysis and even what I'm thinking and the way I'm thinking about it.
OK reading that back, I think I really have lost the plot. I've even started to panic about coming online because I've convinced myself this laptop makes me worse. Like this glowing crystal ball that hypnotises me. So here we have irony of ironies, seeking support for a problem through a medium that I think is exacerbating said problem. I'm 55 and had active anxiety for many years, I should know all of anxiety's tricks by now.
What I would say is try to engage in physical activity. Exercise is a good one, get yourself huffing and puffing, feel that air being sucked in and forced out of your lungs, feel your heart beating, feel the sweat. Do you have a garden? Grow flowers or your own veg, dig the soil, feel the breeze and the heat of the sun, hear the birdsong. Wishing you all the best buddy.
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'It was a wedding ring, destined to be found in a cheap hotel, lost in a kitchen sink, or thrown in a wishing well' - Marillion, Clutching at Straws, 1987