Ramadan Mubarak

[WiredIncorrectly]

My sieve brain started Ramadan a day early

[.Poppy.]

Do you want to know something really sad though. My friend asked what I was up to, I said "I'm fasting today, I'll be on later about 8". He called me a pedophile for being Muslim. This is somebody I've known a long time.

That's incredibly rude of your "friend". I don't know much about Ramadan as I live in an area that is very dominantly Christian and tbh I'm not super religious myself. But if you can't say anything nice, just don't say anything at all.

[WiredIncorrectly]

Feel like a failure already. Accidentally cocked up the dates, and tonight as the time got near to where I couldn't eat or drink I had a panic attack that wouldn't settle. I didn't even feel hungry to eat a full meal either.

5 minutes in I was wrestling my mind "I need a drink", "No you can't drink Ramadan has started", "But I need a drink I'm having a panic attack", "You're weak James", "This is a test", "What if I drink will I go to hell?".

It just wouldn't stop in my mind. I was constantly checking my pulse, I felt majorly off. So I drank and felt better but then felt majorly depressed because I'd already broke the fast 15 minutes into it. Now I feel doomed. Like a failure. Not worthy in the eyes of God. My prayer, my reading of the Quran, my study of Islam all for nothing. I failed at the first hurdle. My mind is saying "Don't bother to pray, you've failed, come back when you're ready".

This is not meant to happen. I'm not of right mind to do this right now. Or am I justifying myself for failure.

I hate life sometimes.

I have nowhere else to discuss this. And some people here seem to know me. So I hope somebody can chime in here.

[BlueIris]

Okay, so, my knowledge here is limited, but... (2mins later) I checked and confirmed. People who are sick or otherwise vulnerable (which includes mental health conditions) are not required to fast.

James, this is another huge undertaking and there's no shame in not being ready for it right now. You're ill, that's not your fault, and you probably shouldn't be doing something so drastic at this stage. Maybe give the fasting a miss until another year when you're more stable, and focus on the good deeds this time?

[WiredIncorrectly]

I did read that too Blue. It feels like giving up on a race when you've only just left the starting blocks. I've had a think about tonight and all I could think of is pulisa saying "Are you sure you're in the right frame of mind for this?" I think she wanted to, but didn't know how to put it with the post being about religion.

I shall continue with prayer, reading, and doing good deeds.

[BlueIris]

These are the important things. Keep yourself healthy - people here care about you.

[WiredIncorrectly]

These are the important things. Keep yourself healthy - people here care about you.

Thank you Blue you got me a little tear in my eye then. I love you all. Such kind people.

[BlueIris]

Not sure if you've been reading my thread, but last week I was in a situation where I genuinely had no choice other than to push myself past what I was normally capable of coping with. I'm okay now (mostly) but it was a traumatising experience and I wouldn't recommend it. You're doing the right thing.

[pulisa]

I agree with Blue, James and yes..I did want you to be cautious about such a major plan but didn't want to be the eternal misery guts and dampen your enthusiasm for something so noble.

I'd say definitely don't fast (especially in view of your brush with bulimia) but keep your life simple and reflective and be mindful of other people's needs..That sounds like a great Ramadan experience?

I really pushed my own boundaries too yesterday and am certainly feeling the effects. You keep doing what you are doing and keep yourself stable which is all that matters

[Scass]

I think it’s admirable that you will be following the principles James. You don’t need to do anything that will make you feel ill, but you could definitely do the bits that may help you feel better. And you are absolutely not a failure.


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