Health anxiety post pregnancy loss

[TKL04]

Hi everyone 😊.
This is my first post but sadly not my first experience with anxiety.

I’ve suffered on and off with general anxiety and panic attacks for years but have had a really good run with things being under control until the past month.

I’ve recently gone through the loss of a pregnancy and I’m feeling really traumatised by the whole experience. It seems to have brought up a lot of health anxiety and I feel like I’m losing my mind.

I have become obsessed with having complications and am constantly worrying about developing Pelvic inflammatory disease or having retained pregnancy tissue. I’m panicking every time I go to the toilet incase I’m bleeding again or begin to haemorrhage.
I’ve been stuck in a state of worry for 3 weeks straight now. I can’t function. All I keep doing is searching google and trying to convince myself everything is ok but all it does is cause me more stress. I’m terrified of sepsis and potentially needing a d&c as I’ve never had an anaesthetic and have convinced myself I will die.

I’ve booked myself a private scan for tomorrow just to try and get closure and peace of mind but I’m so worried about what this will show.

I’m not sure whether I’m just traumatised by the whole experience. I bled very heavily and have never felt so frightened in my life. I’ve since had a UTI which cleared up after antibiotics but have been left with this constant need to wee. The weird thing is though I have this urge more when I’m in the middle of an anxiety episode. I shake uncontrollably and feel shivery (temperature is fine) and end up weeing every few minutes. Usually my hearts pounding at the same time and I end up crying. I’m calm while writing this and have no symptoms.
I’m a nurse as well and feel so stupid for feeling like this. My GP probably wants to strangle me.

For those who have struggled with health related anxiety, do you find your anxiety symptoms mimic whatever it is that you are worrying about?
Sorry for the long post. Have been desperate to get that off my chest xxx

[Carys]

HI TKL,

I didn't want to just read and passby, although I've not experienced the trauma of a miscarriage. Its really not surprising that you feel so traumatised, and it has caused a recurrence with your HA, you were scared - terrified - your body did something you weren't expecting and in a 'dramatic' way, you had no control over it, and that will trigger some fears and feelings. Of course, there will be the issue of hormones still being erratic at the moment, and that alone is enough to make you feel bad. I am wondering if there are specialist sites/helplines for miscarriage fears and after-effects to be discussed, as it sounds like you really need to talk it through in detail ?

[pav1984]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. It isnt surprising that you are suffering. I cant bear to imagine how you are feeling right now. I think if you haven't already get some therapy from people who specialize in this area and talk to people. Don't try and be brave and cope on your own. And remember we are all here for you.

[jinglebells]

Firstly, I am very sorry for your loss, it’s both traumatic and scary and is bound to have some impact.

It doesn’t help that you are a nurse (trust me, I am a midwife) I have spent the day learning chest auscultation as I am certain I have IPF. A little knowledge is a very dangerous thing.

Google is a huge trigger for me and I obsessively google. I know if I start, I won’t be able to stop and from that point I spiral. Do not google if you can possibly help it, you search for constant reassurance but never really find it, yet the horror stories stay with you.

The body is absolutely amazing at creating phantom symptoms and the ones you describe sound typical anxiety. Obviously monitor the situation but take it at what it is for now.

Good luck with the scan (be careful going down the private route, appreciate you need closure on this occasion but the gp’s are the gate keepers for a reason) x

[skw1208]

Firstly, I am so sorry for your loss. Miscarriages are very traumatic and, I have found personally, have been the major trigger for my HA. I think having the worst thing that can happen during a pregnancy (losing the baby) definitely makes one overcompensate and think that it will be the worst outcome for any other health related issue. I hope you have good support around you, and I would recommend counselling if you haven’t already. I was all alone, unsupported and never really spoke about it with anyone (discussing miscarriage societally is still widely taboo which is just crazy!). Seven years on, I have only just made the link that my miscarriages were the starting point of my spiral into the hell that is HA. It is a real trauma and one that needs to be processed properly- I wouldn’t wish it on anyone and hope you can work through things. You’re not alone!