'Forgotten' disturbances in 1990s Britain.

[NoraB]

What you went through as a child at school really sucked Nora.

'Sucked' is putting it lightly Len. I experienced a whole new level of suckery where the teachers joined in or turned a blind eye. And what sucks even more is that I'm still ruminating over what happened to me all these years later. That's some power to be giving to those @rseholes, right?

If there was a way where I could go back and change a few things without it totally buggering up my timeline - I'd do it. I'd go back to 1975 and the moment the girl walks up to me and pinches me, I'd pinch her back - only harder. The girl who hit me on my first day of secondary school? I'd hit her back too, only twice as hard. Mind you, she was massive so it would have needed to be a proper Joe Calzaghe type punch to knock her out! Plus, I'd diss her shit perm as a parting shot! I'd make sure that she never touched me again and that would be a warning to anybody else who fancied using me as their personal punchbag!

I don't advocate violence as a rule, but that seems to be the only language that some people understand, and we are all capable of violence when our buttons are pushed time and time again.

But I know that's it's not possible to change the past, and also the fact that I have a brain which freezes in stressful situations. I'd still react exactly the same way. Also, to change one thing would be to change everything and that would mean the loss of people who I love and care about - people who matter to me - so I'll carry this crap with me until the day I die, and then I will literally haunt those @rseholes and spook the living shit out of them. In fact, I often cheer myself up thinking of ways to haunt them!

I think that a lot of my anger/bitterness/resentment comes from the fact that nobody ever said sorry? Well, Shit Perm Girl did but that was under duress, and in front of the whole school. She kicked the back of my legs the next day in assembly and numerous times after that, and for the next three years so that apology doesn't count. No one has ever showed any remorse. Maybe it would make a difference if they did?

[Lencoboy]

'Sucked' is putting it lightly Len. I experienced a whole new level of suckery where the teachers joined in or turned a blind eye. And what sucks even more is that I'm still ruminating over what happened to me all these years later. That's some power to be giving to those @rseholes, right?

If there was a way where I could go back and change a few things without it totally buggering up my timeline - I'd do it. I'd go back to 1975 and the moment the girl walks up to me and pinches me, I'd pinch her back - only harder. The girl who hit me on my first day of secondary school? I'd hit her back too, only twice as hard. Mind you, she was massive so it would have needed to be a proper Joe Calzaghe type punch to knock her out! Plus, I'd diss her shit perm as a parting shot! I'd make sure that she never touched me again and that would be a warning to anybody else who fancied using me as their personal punchbag!

I don't advocate violence as a rule, but that seems to be the only language that some people understand, and we are all capable of violence when our buttons are pushed time and time again.

But I know that's it's not possible to change the past, and also the fact that I have a brain which freezes in stressful situations. I'd still react exactly the same way. Also, to change one thing would be to change everything and that would mean the loss of people who I love and care about - people who matter to me - so I'll carry this crap with me until the day I die, and then I will literally haunt those @rseholes and spook the living shit out of them. In fact, I often cheer myself up thinking of ways to haunt them!

I think that a lot of my anger/bitterness/resentment comes from the fact that nobody ever said sorry? Well, Shit Perm Girl did but that was under duress, and in front of the whole school. She kicked the back of my legs the next day in assembly and numerous times after that, and for the next three years so that apology doesn't count. No one has ever showed any remorse. Maybe it would make a difference if they did?

Just out of interest, Who was this 'Sh1t Perm Girl' when she was at home (or to be more precise, school)?

Was she a teacher/staff member, or another (bully) pupil?

I'm glad I still wasn't alive back in 1975, it sounded like a real horrible time, especially for you, though I was born 2 years later (1977). Mind you, being an Autie kid in the 80s and early 90s also sucked big time. It also sucked in the 2000s and even well into the 2010s when zero tolerance was all the rage!

[pulisa]

Insecure teenage girls make the worst bullies. What would you think if these girls had grown up into kind and compassionate adults who would be mortified to think that you were still scarred from their treatment of you, Nora? Who knows what became of them?

[Lencoboy]

I also vividly recall back in 1988 when I was 11, it was my dad's 40th birthday and we as a family went for an evening meal at a Chinese restaurant in Lichfield (with my dad wearing his best suit) and my mom warned me before we went that if I showed the slightest signs of misbehaviour there she would drag me round to the police station (which was literally round the corner from said restaurant) and disown me for the rest of my life!

I know she probably didn't really mean what she said, and it was probably to 'scare' me into being on my best behaviour during that Saturday evening out, but I remember feeling constantly on edge the whole evening, quaking in my boots at the thought of one false move making me end up doing porridge and never seeing my parents again for the rest of my life.

Looking back, those threats my mom made to me ahead of that evening out were not only cruel and dehumanising, but also tantamount to emotional abuse.

Mind you, it wasn't the first time she unduly threatened me with the police, about 3 years earlier in 1985 she threatened to cart me down to the nick if she ever caught me standing on the settee again, plus she used to use the 'naughty boys' home' threat when I was about 4-5, that was owned and run by horrible nasty men!

[NoraB]

Just out of interest, Who was this 'Sh1t Perm Girl' when she was at home (or to be more precise, school)?

Was she a teacher/staff member, or another (bully) pupil?

Pupil. A year older than me, tall, and built like a brick shithouse. I was under 5ft and weighed about 7 stone. Unsurprisingly, she had a preference for bullying kids much smaller than herself. Plus, she had a really shit perm!

[pulisa]

So she literally put the fear of God into you to manage your behaviours..How did she react to your ASD diagnosis, Lenco? Please don't answer if this is too intrusive?

[Lencoboy]

So she literally put the fear of God into you to manage your behaviours..How did she react to your ASD diagnosis, Lenco? Please don't answer if this is too intrusive?

I honestly can't remember how she reacted to my DX, as I was only about 6 or 7 at the time. I would assume her immediate thought would probably had been 'I told you so'!

I wonder if any parents have ever actually dumped their misbehaving Autie kids (under 11 years old) at the police station?

I also remember around that same era when I was having a terrible tantrum at home (possibly when I couldn't have my own way over something), my mom said I didn't stop screaming and being naughty I wouldn't be smacked hard by her or my dad, I would be smacked hard by a policeman instead (and possibly sent away)!

Despite the advance police threats ahead of the Chinese restaurant visit, those warnings about police intervention and being sent away didn't always stop me from playing up at home.

After all, I had left that hell hole of a residential school earlier in 1988, which having been there ironically did me more harm than good in many ways, not only being on the receiving end of cruel and abusive treatments by certain staff members who probably had a bit of a screw loose themselves, but my dad reckoned that I picked up aggressive behaviours from other kids there. He and my mom were flabbergasted when I told them to eff off for the first time back in 1986 (I think) and I called them both 'Pakkies'!

[NoraB]

Looking back, those threats my mom made to me ahead of that evening out were not only cruel and dehumanising, but also tantamount to emotional abuse.

I think it was common with the era Len because my mum came out with stuff like this. It took me years to understand that 'swing for us' was a reference to hanging? In other words - she'd be hung for killing us, despite the fact they stopped hanging women in this country in about 1955? My initial thought was that she meant swinging as in a child's swing, which was confusing but preferable to hanging.

Obviously they were meaningless words on her part, and when my brother and I got going (fighting) I can see now how we must have done her head in?

Mind you, it wasn't the first time she unduly threatened me with the police, about 3 years earlier in 1985 she threatened to cart me down to the nick if she ever caught me standing on the settee again, plus she used to use the 'naughty boys' home' threat when I was about 4-5, that was owned and run by horrible nasty men!

Someone told me of how their parents drove them to an actual children's home and told their kid, 'This is where you're coming to live if you don't behave!'.

I've known parents get their mates to pretend to be coppers and all sorts. In my era, when a smack didn't work, parents had to get creative. I know someone who's daughter called the police when the mother' threatened' to kill her. The girl knew it was meaningless but she'd also been grounded for a few weeks for bad behaviour so she decided to pay her mother back with a visit from the cops! So she was grounded some more!

Then there was the time when I was about 7 and my uncle told me a bedtime story of a monk who hung himself in the forest. I couldn't sleep for months! What kind of @rseholerly is that when you tell a little kid that kind of tale? Only he said it was a true story!

My mum's top ten of confusing shite.

1. I'll give you what for. (that made for some interesting questions on my part)

2. Come back here! (When I've just deliberately cheeked her? As if!)

3. You'll be the death of me. (Cause of death said Kidney Failure, not 'Nora')

4. You're enough to make a bloody saint swear. (I'll give her that one)

5. I'll do for you pair!

6. Wait till your father get's home! (I was my daddy's pride and joy - so this always backfired on her)

7. I'll swing for you pair one day! (mother on a swing?)

8. I'll wipe that smile off your face! ( I was looking for the flannel?)

9. I'll wash your mouth out with soap and water. (never happened)

10. Tidy your room or I will put it all into plastic sacks and throw it out. (this was always aimed at my Bro)

Number 10 did actually happen because my brother was a massive slob and Mum found something unidentifiable festering under his bed one day. I think she was going through the menopause at this stage because it was around this time when my Combat Rock album went flying through the bedroom window? But yes, she followed through on this well trawled out threat and my brother came home to find several black sacks on the front lawn!

[Lencoboy]

I think it was common with the era Len because my mum came out with stuff like this. It took me years to understand that 'swing for us' was a reference to hanging? In other words - she'd be hung for killing us, despite the fact they stopped hanging women in this country in about 1955? My initial thought was that she meant swinging as in a child's swing, which was confusing but preferable to hanging.

Obviously they were meaningless words on her part, and when my brother and I got going (fighting) I can see now how we must have done her head in?



Someone told me of how their parents drove them to an actual children's home and told their kid, 'This is where you're coming to live if you don't behave!'.

I've known parents get their mates to pretend to be coppers and all sorts. In my era, when a smack didn't work, parents had to get creative. I know someone who's daughter called the police when the mother' threatened' to kill her. The girl knew it was meaningless but she'd also been grounded for a few weeks for bad behaviour so she decided to pay her mother back with a visit from the cops! So she was grounded some more!

Then there was the time when I was about 7 and my uncle told me a bedtime story of a monk who hung himself in the forest. I couldn't sleep for months! What kind of @rseholerly is that when you tell a little kid that kind of tale? Only he said it was a true story!

My mum's top ten of confusing shite.

1. I'll give you what for. (that made for some interesting questions on my part)

2. Come back here! (When I've just deliberately cheeked her? As if!)

3. You'll be the death of me. (Cause of death said Kidney Failure, not 'Nora')

4. You're enough to make a bloody saint swear. (I'll give her that one)

5. I'll do for you pair!

6. Wait till your father get's home! (I was my daddy's pride and joy - so this always backfired on her)

7. I'll swing for you pair one day! (mother on a swing?)

8. I'll wipe that smile off your face! ( I was looking for the flannel?)

9. I'll wash your mouth out with soap and water. (never happened)

10. Tidy your room or I will put it all into plastic sacks and throw it out. (this was always aimed at my Bro)

Number 10 did actually happen because my brother was a massive slob and Mum found something unidentifiable festering under his bed one day. I think she was going through the menopause at this stage because it was around this time when my Combat Rock album went flying through the bedroom window? But yes, she followed through on this well trawled out threat and my brother came home to find several black sacks on the front lawn!

Talking of menopause, one possible reason why my mom could have been unduly irate towards me (and my brother) when we were kids, the so-called 'time of the month' could very well have been a factor, but try explaining that to two little boys who would probably be incapable of comprehending such things, plus it also being a personal (and potentially taboo) female-specific issue.

[NoraB]

Talking of menopause, one possible reason why my mom could have been unduly irate towards me (and my brother) when we were kids, the so-called 'time of the month' could very well have been a factor, but try explaining that to two little boys who would probably be incapable of comprehending such things, plus it also being a personal (and potentially taboo) female-specific issue.

Women didn't talk about such things in those days - which didn't do them, or their daughters, any favours..

After one 'outburst' from my mother- where crockery went flying - my Grandma's explanation was that 'women go a bit 'funny' when they reach a certain age'.

Yeah, thanks Nan, that was very helpful.