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Thread: Feeling really useless right now

  1. #1
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    Feeling really useless right now

    Had a massive argument with my mom tonight (who sadly has dementia) as she refused to let me and my dad have some peace, and I lost it and told her to eff off, which I don't normally swear at people, plus I'm now having irrational fantasies about having confrontations with the police and getting them to brutalise me because I feel like a useless, no good barsteward right now who needs a good hiding and shouted at really loud by an authority figure.

    I am not normally a violent or aggressive person, but I fear I might turn into an out-of-control raving lunatic, and regressing back to the way I was when I was 12-14!

  2. #2
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    Re: Feeling really useless right now

    Really sorry to hear that Lenco. Alzheimerís is such a horrible disease because your loved ones almost turn into toddlers.
    Itís perfectly normal to lose your temper. I did it a few times with my mum when she had it too. The thing is that itís only you who remembers it and feels guilt.
    I suspect that she would t hold it against you. And other carers definitely wouldnít.

    I hope youíre feeling a bit better now? What usually helps to relieve your stress?


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  3. #3
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    Re: Feeling really useless right now

    Lenco, you're clearly under a lot of pressure; these things can happen and it's not your fault. As Scass says, Alzheimer's is a particularly awful condition both for the sufferer and the people around them.

    Not the same, but a few years back my elderly mother had spinal surgery and I didn't see her for several months. When I did, she spent the entire day talking about the most minute, intimate personal details of what had happened. With my severe medical phobia, this started to make me feel incredibly trapped very quickly.

    By the end of the day she'd moved on to making spurious racist claims. I finally snapped, began demanding concrete evidence from reliable sources and told her the Daily Mail didn't count. We left shortly afterwards, but I felt awful about it for days.

  4. #4
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    Re: Feeling really useless right now

    You're only human, Lenco. Your worst fears aren't going to become a reality. They really aren't. You've moved on from when you hit puberty, when it's very hard for anyone let alone someone on the spectrum.

    Have you got anyone besides your Dad who you can talk to about the strain you are under?

  5. #5
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    Re: Feeling really useless right now

    Quote Originally Posted by pulisa View Post
    You're only human, Lenco. Your worst fears aren't going to become a reality. They really aren't. You've moved on from when you hit puberty, when it's very hard for anyone let alone someone on the spectrum.

    Have you got anyone besides your Dad who you can talk to about the strain you are under?
    I don't think anyone else would be interested right now, plus I think having a chat in private with any of the staff at my day centre would probably be a big no-no right now, what with this ongoing pandemic.

    I still hope a police officer approaches me outside of my day centre in Burton on Thursday, screams at me 'Get up the f***ing wall, c***', gives me a pasting, then arrests me and carts me off to Burton nick, then beating statements out of me, which I feel like I really deserve as I am a useless barsteward right now!

    I'm not Black but I have ASD and there are probably still a few bent coppers who would love to brutalise people like me (and no doubt Black and Asian people too), simply for kicks!

  6. #6
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    Re: Feeling really useless right now

    You don't deserve to be hurt, Lenco, and nobody with any sense would blame anyone for reaching the end of their rope, much less a person with ASD.

    Please feel free to drop me a line if you want to chat?
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  7. #7
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    Re: Feeling really useless right now

    Quote Originally Posted by BlueIris View Post
    You don't deserve to be hurt, Lenco, and nobody with any sense would blame anyone for reaching the end of their rope, much less a person with ASD.

    Please feel free to drop me a line if you want to chat?
    I certainly do deserve to be hurt, as society actually hates people like me.

    We are an increasingly brutal society, especially with kids killing each other in London and other major cities and those kids would probably love to murder losers like me!

  8. #8
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    Re: Feeling really useless right now

    You're not a loser. Don't let anybody ever tell you that, okay? I can tell you're a kind and compassionate person, and you bring a lot to this site. I'm sure you bring a lot to the lives of your family, too.
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  9. #9
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    Re: Feeling really useless right now

    Lenco, that's the guilt talking. Those who understand ASD (I don't) will know how hard this can be to overcome. But as an anxiety sufferer I can understand how we kick ourselves far harder than the person we may have upset or the boss who's target we feel we have failed. One of our challenges is stepping outside of ourselves to view it more rationally. The other is not letting it have it's negative way with us because it's just another trick to keep itself alive.

    You are far further ahead in a journey I expect we may be going with mum. We've had it hard getting to here with arguments (me and dad) and it's going to get harder. We said early on the pressure would mean we say things we don't mean and sound just put it behind us. Apologise and move on. And we've had to do that.

    So I can see how someone in your position can't always be perfect, can't always keep it inside. You're not a machine.

    Wishing harm on yourself is how negativity is attacking you. You have past events to use against yourself to try to punish you. You have fears about corrupt people in positions who could harm you. Your subconscious just latches onto that because it can find a weak point to try to kick you with.

    You don't deserve punishment and certainly not violence and abuse. Try to see past why you think that. Try to undermine it to disarm it. Accept you've reacted badly (under great pressure), forgive yourself for being human and do something nice for your mum to make her, and seeing her happy yourself too, happy. I find that helps me because it's positive and everyone is happy again.
    Last edited by MyNameIsTerry; 26-04-21 at 12:45.
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  10. #10
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    Re: Feeling really useless right now

    It's normal to lose your temper when you're under the cosh from anyone and you are allowed to let rip at your mum for crowding your space and not letting you have some time to yourself which you really must need when coping with Alzheimer's in the family.

    This would put a huge strain on any family. I can certainly admit to some pretty bad behaviour myself as a carer for 2 vulnerable adults. There's only so much you can take. Letting it out can be better than internalising it.

    You don't deserve to be beaten up and incarcerated, Lenco. You're just really stressed and anxious and under intense pressure. I know how hard it is to get "help" even when you have ASD and you have additional issues such as you do with your mum. Would you even want to talk about this with someone you trusted at your Day Centre?

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