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Thread: Feeling really useless right now

  1. #41
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    Re: Feeling really useless right now

    Have you ever been diagnosed with or been treated for PTSD?

  2. #42
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    Re: Feeling really useless right now

    Quote Originally Posted by ankietyjoe View Post
    Have you ever been diagnosed with or been treated for PTSD?
    Not that I'm aware of.

  3. #43
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    Re: Feeling really useless right now

    Quote Originally Posted by Lencoboy View Post
    Not that I'm aware of.
    I wonder if it's worth talking to your therapist about (I recall you having a therapist?).

  4. #44
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    Re: Feeling really useless right now

    Quote Originally Posted by ankietyjoe View Post
    I wonder if it's worth talking to your therapist about (I recall you having a therapist?).
    After being unable to get through to my nearest MH consultants yesterday (I had two attempts and failed), I had a word in private with the manager of my day centre this afternoon, and she is very sympathetic. She has sent an email to my social worker, who will be ringing me probably tomorrow.

    My dad is quite mad with me about it as he thinks it might open a can of worms. He has always been a bit mistrustful of social workers and SS in general, as they were one of many public services allegedly notorious for corrupt practices in the past, especially in the 70s. (The others being the NHS, the police, and even school teachers).

    I haven't accused my dad of anything abusive or detrimental to me (and my mom), but he did warn me that he is at risk of heart failure whenever myself and my mom throw one, and he is really upset that I told that to my day centre manager.

    What does my dad expect me to do then? Just carry on as if everything's all fine and dandy and keep schtum?

    Or tell my day centre manager that I am concerned that my current mental state (and my mom's) may adversely affect my dad's health and wellbeing as well?

    After all, my dad is not in the wrong by any means. In fact, he is the 'victim' who's having to bear the brunt of my mom's dementia problems, and now, my own personal issues.

    But it's my dad being hesitant in seeking/accepting help, as usual, obviously due to negative experiences in the past concerning SS and others.

  5. #45
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    Re: Feeling really useless right now

    Sounds like you're already in 'a can of worms', but your Dad's situation does mirror mine, and I feel it's his responsibility to put your needs up there with his own.

    Although saying that, this is a decision for you to make, not anybody else.

    It seems you have a rather complex relationship with events that occurred during your childhood, combined with a long term 'guilt trip' from a parental figure. That's not to say what your Father is enduring isn't hard, but you have needs that need to be met too. I don't think it's very healthy to assume that all the people that work for the NHS, the Police and SS are corrupt. In fact, it's just another layer of irrational anxiety from my perspective.

    You appear to be living under a constant cloud of trauma and criticism.

  6. #46
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    Re: Feeling really useless right now

    It must be hard to cope with your dad throwing his own health worries into the mix of your anxieties as a veiled threat if you ask for help.

  7. #47
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    Re: Feeling really useless right now

    Quote Originally Posted by pulisa View Post
    It must be hard to cope with your dad throwing his own health worries into the mix of your anxieties as a veiled threat if you ask for help.
    Thing is, I'm obviously concerned myself about my poor dad who is at the end of his tether mostly with my mom, but also increasingly with me of late, and that's why I mentioned his warnings of him dying of a heart attack with the stress he's under right now to my day centre manager, and my dad is now taking it personally, and he seems to be implying he wants it all to have been kept private. I reiterate that my dad has done nothing wrong whatsoever, so therefore has nothing to hide.

    I seriously don't want to cause him any more pain and anguish, but it really beggars belief that he still has these prejudices against social workers right now in the present time.

    Surely most of the 'bad apples' have been weeded out since those strange times of the 70s and 80s (ditto for police officers, teachers, doctors, etc).

    As they say, 'mud sticks', even if just in the mind and not in reality!

    I haven't full-on fallen out with my dad though, he's always been a bit mistrustful of the 'authorities' in general, and obviously being politically left-leaning, though never an outright extreme 'leftist'!

  8. #48
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    Re: Feeling really useless right now

    Quote Originally Posted by ankietyjoe View Post
    Sounds like you're already in 'a can of worms', but your Dad's situation does mirror mine, and I feel it's his responsibility to put your needs up there with his own.

    Although saying that, this is a decision for you to make, not anybody else.

    It seems you have a rather complex relationship with events that occurred during your childhood, combined with a long term 'guilt trip' from a parental figure. That's not to say what your Father is enduring isn't hard, but you have needs that need to be met too. I don't think it's very healthy to assume that all the people that work for the NHS, the Police and SS are corrupt. In fact, it's just another layer of irrational anxiety from my perspective.

    You appear to be living under a constant cloud of trauma and criticism.
    It's not me that thinks that people who work for the SS, police, NHS, education, etc are outright corrupt, it's just my dad's historical prejudices as he obviously remembers many articles in the news from back then first-hand, but my day centre manageress told me today that many things have changed, and in a lot of ways improved over time, in fact, even over the past 20-odd years since she has been in the profession herself, and even admitted that she remembers quite a few things that she thought were unethical even at the time (e.g, the 'zero tolerance' thing that was all the rage about 20 years ago) as she believed it was a draconion, knee-jerk reactionary policy which kind of tarred us all with the same brush and essentially treated the symptoms rather than the causes.

    A very wise lady!

  9. #49
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    Re: Feeling really useless right now

    He might just have overreacted in the heat of the moment, know it and become embarrassed? Not everyone approves of talking about things outside of home. In your situation he does have to remind himself you may need support and need to discuss such things. He may take it the wrong way, perhaps a criticism, if people do get involved? Given you use services like respite I would expect he is fine with you getting help so maybe it just hit him on a bad day? Maybe he read too much into it?

    What you discuss with these services is confidential and they can't intervene without determining some level of risk. But anyone who reads the news knows what a mess SS have made of cases even in recent times (corrupt workers, overreactions into the Court of Protection, etc) and so I think it's only natural to want control of your own situation. Again it might be an overreaction on his part.

    You are all under a lot of pressure so sometimes emotions will spill over. It will smooth over I'm sure. Best to get life back on track and supporting each other.
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  10. #50
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    Re: Feeling really useless right now

    Quote Originally Posted by MyNameIsTerry View Post
    He might just have overreacted in the heat of the moment, know it and become embarrassed? Not everyone approves of talking about things outside of home. In your situation he does have to remind himself you may need support and need to discuss such things. He may take it the wrong way, perhaps a criticism, if people do get involved? Given you use services like respite I would expect he is fine with you getting help so maybe it just hit him on a bad day? Maybe he read too much into it?

    What you discuss with these services is confidential and they can't intervene without determining some level of risk. But anyone who reads the news knows what a mess SS have made of cases even in recent times (corrupt workers, overreactions into the Court of Protection, etc) and so I think it's only natural to want control of your own situation. Again it might be an overreaction on his part.

    You are all under a lot of pressure so sometimes emotions will spill over. It will smooth over I'm sure. Best to get life back on track and supporting each other.
    It's a rather grey area I know, and I think it's probably in my dad's instincts to be overprotective of me plus his fear of excessive persecution of our family by SS. Neither can they just whisk me away willy-nilly.

    My dad has finally agreed to allow home-carers into our house again for my mom for the first time since early January, now they've both had their second jabs (and I shall be having mine tomorrow morning), and the home-carer shall be coming this morning.

    I am mostly starting to feel a little better about myself this morning after feeling in the doldrums since last Sunday, and I think my chat with my day centre manageress yesterday helped big time. She believes that 'pandemic fatigue' is largely affecting us all right now, including many of the other clients who attend there who appear to have been a bit on edge and cranky of late.

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