Dad is coughing up black lumps of blood, awaiting results, absolutely terrified.

[JValentine]

I am desperately trying to rationalise this.

They havent said, look, we suspect its cancer, they've said we need to rule it out.

Worrying is keeping me very busy doing nothing :(

It's not cancer until they say it is.

Just let it go woman!

[BlueIris]

Not a lot I can say, but my father also suffers from a severe lung condition (pulmonary fibrosis), and while it's early days yet I still worry.

Sending all my good wishes your way.

[JValentine]

Thank you kindly BlueIris xx same to you. Xx

[Carys]

I'm sorry, I can sense your mind working overtime through your posts and the fear behind it. You really are going round in circles, with as yet no information. I wouldn't put much analysis into the fact that they said someone else can go with your Dad, as part of that could be because of the COVID restrictions in the past, and they are now saying that its fine to bring someone else -making it clear that he can bring some support. Cancer aside - what your Dad has is a complex condition/set of conditions, and the further treatment of that (given that this is essentially a terminal illness) would certainly make any consultant view the support of a family as important at any consultations.

I don't know what to say about the Cancer, as I wouldn't want to raise your hopes, or give false impressions either way - you are there on the frontline and hearing more than we are, so feels wrong to say anything either way. Biopsies are biopsies and only they tell the true story, and I should think that even the consultant didn't have the information when last speaking to your Dad.

[pulisa]

I agree with Carys about your mind working overtime but this is to be expected in such an uncertain situation as waiting for biopsy results.

Worrying won't change the results which have already been determined...I know that's no help to you of course but you're not dealing with fact here, "just" fear which is bad enough.

The days must seem endless..Is there anything you can do to distract yourself or is the anxiety 24/7? xx

[JValentine]

Hi both,

Thanks for replying again.

I have seen my dad tonight and done his accounts lol. He is feeling absolutely fine from his procedure and I feel better for seeing him.

I refuse to give into this fear anymore. I don't want to look back on Tuesday and realise that I wasted a whole week worrying!!

Pulisa, I work full time and have a busy home so I'm ok, lots to keep busy with. It's so horrible to be thinking of it whilst trying to go to sleep and the first thing that pops in your head when you wake up!

But, not anymore. I am letting go of the what if. Make the most of every day.

Thanks again, I will update when I know anything x

[Carys]

Good plan, great strength of spirit to be able to say those things, but don't be surprised if you still have ups and downs anyway. Focus on the living, what will be will be (I know its so hard to hear that) and if you can get through this with your courage and emotional strength intact it will help your Dad - whatever his appointment brings. I think saying to yourself 'no matter what this appointment brings, I will be there for my Dad, love my Dad and support him' can be empowering, because that fact can never be removed or changed.

[JValentine]

Oh Carys you made me cry 😢

That is beautiful and so true.

Thank you so much x

[Carys]

Oh bless you. x

[pulisa]

Keeping fingers tightly crossed for the appointment with the consultants tomorrow...