Dad is coughing up black lumps of blood, awaiting results, absolutely terrified.

[pulisa]

Keep posting on here when you need to?

Glad you had some restorative sleep...xx

[JValentine]

Hi all,


Hope everyone is well.

It is so strange what I am feeling. Once a week I just have a terrible day. Today is that day this week. Feeling so incredibly sad and hopeless and nothing I do can snap me out of it. A week ago I spent the whole day full of tears.

Any who, Dad had his first radiotherapy, he had a weeks worth in one dose as they said he could manage it. He suffered a couple days after with burning inside 😭 but is fine now and has another next week and chemo soon.

K xx

[Pamplemousse]

Hi all,


Hope everyone is well.

It is so strange what I am feeling. Once a week I just have a terrible day. Today is that day this week. Feeling so incredibly sad and hopeless and nothing I do can snap me out of it. A week ago I spent the whole day full of tears.

Any who, Dad had his first radiotherapy, he had a weeks worth in one dose as they said he could manage it. He suffered a couple days after with burning inside 😭 but is fine now and has another next week and chemo soon.

K xx

Did they tell your Dad to expect that burning feeling? They didn't tell my mother and it was only my knowledge of how this stuff works that let me tell her it was quite normal. It's why people who work on radio transmitters are very careful around them as RF burns puncture deep into the flesh.

[pulisa]

I think you should expect these lows because you are dealing with so much emotional upheaval. Just let it all out..Tears can be therapeutic.

Your dad's treatment must be harsh but he can cope with it so must be strong both physically and mentally.

This must be such a gruelling time for you all xxx

[Carys]

Thinking of you and hoping you are all doing ok.

[pulisa]

Me too..Hope things are as stable as possible.

[JValentine]

Hi all,

I hope you are all OK.

Just wanted to update as I'm feeling a bit low about it all.

Dad's severe treatment, the strongest lung cancer chemo concoction they could give him worked well enough to reduce the lung tumour by more than half.

It went from being apple sized to thin strands wrapped around his bronchial tube. He rarely coughs now and certainly no more blood.

Absolutely fantastic. We were elated.

He then started immunotherapy and after his 2nd he experienced severe shortness of breath. My poor lovely dad cannot even shower now as he faints. He has to have a breather after putting one sock on before he can put the other on.

So, they stopped the immunotherapy.

They then told him that the tiny liver tumour is aggressive and growing fast and is fair bit larger than when this started, oh and there's another little tumour in there growing away.

His hair has grown back and he looks OK. He does not drink anymore and tires easily.

Tomorrow he starts a different chemotherapy, very strong, to try and get the liver tumours under control.

It's going to be very hard they said. Even worse than the last chemo.

I feel INCREDIBLY sad and almost wish that I could take his place.

Please let him have one of my perfect lungs so he can breathe and half my liver! I'll do it!!!

Sorry for rambling, I just wanted to get it off my chest.

This sucks and I feel so sorry for anyone else going through this.

[pulisa]

Of course you are extremely low and distressed about this and I expect you are incredibly angry too....Your poor dad...but how does he he feel about the different chemo regime? His doctors must reckon that he can cope with it physically?

You must be completely emotionally exhausted but look how well he responded to the lung tumour chemo onslaught. Your dad hasn't given up and neither have his doctors.

Thank you so much for updating us but you need support to cope with this gruelling regime too and you said before that your family are incredibly close and supportive but could you get professional support as well to help you cope with all this trauma?

[JValentine]

Of course you are extremely low and distressed about this and I expect you are incredibly angry too....Your poor dad...but how does he he feel about the different chemo regime? His doctors must reckon that he can cope with it physically?

You must be completely emotionally exhausted but look how well he responded to the lung tumour chemo onslaught. Your dad hasn't given up and neither have his doctors.

Thank you so much for updating us but you need support to cope with this gruelling regime too and you said before that your family are incredibly close and supportive but could you get professional support as well to help you cope with all this trauma?

Hello pulisa, thanks for responding.

Oh so angry still. Yup.

They offered it to him and think he can do it, as I've said before he's hard as nails (he pulled his own rotten teeth out rather than pay his dentist 60 quid a pop ) but the lung treatment has definitely affected him so he has to do things so so slowly.

He says it's got to be done and said straight away we'll do it. He wanted them to zap it with radio but that wasn't an option apparently.

If he can just survive this next onslaught.

I had 6 therapy sessions with work, then the environment became way to toxic. I'd been there 3 months by dad's diagnosis and I left in September.

I could not cope with worrying about dad, looking after my family and working full time with a bunch of obnoxious sexist pigs. I was the only female on our floor and they were vile to me when they actually acknowledged my presence.

So I quit, lost 25k a year and do cleaning now 20 hours a week around family. Mentally I'm a lot better. Worth more than any salary.

Sorry, I digress!

A good friend is a counsellor and I think I'll ask if I can see her for help.

I've spent 8 months just trying to keep my head above water.

I am not writing him off, never. But my mind plays through his funeral, him being in a hospice. Just horrible torturous thoughts and I want to get off!

Xxx

[pulisa]

Good for you for ditching that job! What good is money if you are being treated like that and having to deal with so much distress and trauma in your personal life.

Talk to your friend and see if she can help you? You may feel a sense of relief just being able to let it all out to a friend who knows you but who is also trained to counsel you?

Your dad sounds as if he's up for the fight but it's worse for you having to endure watching him going through it again xxx