New here, in need of some rational voices

[Catgales]

Hello everyone, I've been a longtime lurker here, and I'm in kind of a desperate situation right now and thought I'd reach out. A disclaimer: I have appointments for scans/specialists/therapy, but the wait times are all incredibly long (like 9+ months for some of them) so I'm kind of in this anxiety limbo of not having any concrete answers to anything yet. I will be starting a new anxiety medication this week, so fingers crossed for that.

Basically, I've been having an extreme HA episode and mental health breakdown for almost two months, and while my focus has jumped around right now my concern is ovarian cancer. OC has been my major fear since I started having HA, almost 11 years ago (I'm turning 30 in May). It's the one that feels like a ticking time bomb living inside of me that I have no control over. I keep trying to rationalize my fears to myself, but it's just not working. I'm unable to sleep or eat most days, I feel detached from life, just consumed by worry. I thought I could break down the symptoms I'm having and maybe someone can relate, or tell me I'm being irrational.

Early March I started to have tailbone pain, which by late March had spread to my buttocks and the backs of my thighs - at this point, I was convinced I had bone cancer of some kind.
Late March I began to have what felt like pressure on my bladder and an urgency to go, which also coincided with the tailbone/thigh pain settling down - it basically disappeared at this point.
I went to the emergency room several times for the pressure on my bladder (I've also had microscopic blood in my urine for a year, though no professional I talk to seems even remotely concerned about it lol). I spoke with a doctor at emerge who basically said "You're young, healthy, the chances are remote." After that conversation, I noticed the pressure in my bladder basically disappeared.

Obviously, my rational side is like, "Look, all your symptoms come and go, or disappear, that's a good sign!"

But around the same time as my trips to hospital, I started having persistent diarrhea. Took some Imodium and then basically didn't have a bowel movement for days, and now they've continued - except I feel slightly constipated, but the stools are still loose. Still no more pressure on the bladder, but the tailbone pain will pop up like once or twice a week, and I started to have pains under my ribs, upper back, and throughout my abdomen.

Now, just in the last couple of days, I've noticed I'm really bloated. My stomach isn't hard to the touch, but it is noticeably bloated. I don't know if it's my anxiety or not, but I've begun to have feelings of pressure on my bladder again, intermittent tailbone, thigh, buttock pain - all of which I know can be associated with ovarian cancer. I feel like I have twinges of pain all over my pelvic region, throughout my abdomen. I've had heartburn for years which I didn't realize until recently could be a symptom, and that's got me worried.

I have been on birth control for 5+ years, which I read can significantly reduce your risk of ovarian cancer - which is a small thread I'm trying to hold onto to decrease my anxiety. I'm trying really hard to be more rational and calm because I know the stress and anxiety I've been feeling the last two months has absolutely been negatively impacting me - the lack of sleep and food alone, the stress hormones on my body, etc. I'm aware of all of this and yet I can't seem to bring myself down from that heightened panic. In all my 11 years of dealing with HA, I can honestly say I've never been this bad before.

Anyways, thank you for reading, and if you have any wise words (or even a slap upside the head) they would be greatly appreciated

[BlueIris]

Not going to slap you because that won't help. On the other hand, living with HA is bloody awful, I know because I've been there. Regardless of any other health issues you may or may not have, you need to try and work on that as an issue in and of itself. Are you getting any psychological help right now?

As regards the rest, it may be a good idea to chat to your primary care person and let them know how frightened you are. That way, they can investigate what might need investigating and explain to you why the rest doesn't matter.

[Catgales]

Hello BlueIris, thank you for the reply. I have been in contact with my GP, however he's a new doctor for me, and once he became aware of my hypochondria he became very resistant to doing almost anything. Even getting an anxiety medication took several visits, as he said he's had patients become addicted to them in the past and it was "messy." I'm considering looking for another, but family doctors are also really hard to come by where I am, so I could be waiting well over a year to find another doctor. I have certain tests and scans booked, but as I said, they are also a long way off (the Canadian healthcare system is great in some ways, really not that great in others). When I went to emergency I was referred through them to a psychiatric service, but my intake appointment with them isn't until July. I'm definitely trying, but I'm kind of in this limbo space of just waiting for things to happen and feeling anxious in the meantime.

[BlueIris]

I'm really sorry, and I think that if you can, changing your GP will help.

In the meantime, I know we have some really good self-help resources here that might be worth a look at.

[Saratustra]

I'm not a doctor and you will get all the responses you need from your tests, but all you described can also be other things, like harmless fibroids (I have several big ones, I know what I'm talking about!) and even IBS. Try to put harmless reasons into the equation!