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Thread: Convinced I don't deserve my life because of a thing I did

  1. #1
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    Nov 2017
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    Convinced I don't deserve my life because of a thing I did

    Please can someone help me. I'm in my late thirties and I've recently been reminded I did something horrific as a child that I now can't stop thinking about.

    When I was 11/12 my mother childminded a girl who was 7/8 at the time.

    We used to cuddle and kiss and play around with each other. Things were touched on both sides.

    I never did anything more than this ever. I never hurt her or upset her. I never ever did anything like that ever again and I'm not attracted to underage children.

    Now I feel all of a sudden that I've remembered this that I don't deserve anything any more. My wife, my job, my family or friends. I feel disgusted at myself.

    I'm sorry if I offended or upset anyone reading this. I've always thought I was a good person but now I'm in total despair. Please help me.

    Sent from my Pixel 3a using Tapatalk

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
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    Re: Convinced I don't deserve my life because of a thing I did

    You did nothing wrong. It was childrens play acting.

    You're simply attaching adult sexuality to childhood activity and creating unnecessary guilt.

  3. #3
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    Mar 2020
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    Re: Convinced I don't deserve my life because of a thing I did

    Quote Originally Posted by Confusion View Post
    Please can someone help me. I'm in my late thirties and I've recently been reminded I did something horrific as a child that I now can't stop thinking about.

    When I was 11/12 my mother childminded a girl who was 7/8 at the time.

    We used to cuddle and kiss and play around with each other. Things were touched on both sides.

    I never did anything more than this ever. I never hurt her or upset her. I never ever did anything like that ever again and I'm not attracted to underage children.

    Now I feel all of a sudden that I've remembered this that I don't deserve anything any more. My wife, my job, my family or friends. I feel disgusted at myself.

    I'm sorry if I offended or upset anyone reading this. I've always thought I was a good person but now I'm in total despair. Please help me.

    Sent from my Pixel 3a using Tapatalk
    I'm sorry to hear how guilt-ridden you feel right now, Confusion.

    I think that girl (now obviously an adult) would have said or done something long before now had she really been distressed by it, plus she might have forgotten all about it by now, but she obviously wasn't distressed by it in a big way as she was doing the same things to you at the same time, and seemingly enjoying it herself, and I personally don't believe those activities between you both amount to full-on 'paedogeddon'.

    Also, I think 12 years old is probably the limit before things like that become problematic.

    Also, remember, they were more innocent and less enlightened times back then, as it seems like only over more recent years, in particular the past decade, since the past scandals of the likes of Jimmy Savile and other odious barstewards of his ilk came out in the wash, followed by the Operation Yewtree thing, we as a society have become far more prudish about such issues.

  4. #4
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    Re: Convinced I don't deserve my life because of a thing I did

    Confusion, this to my mind was kids being curious. You were growing up and at an age when we are largely ignorant of the bits and pieces of the other sex. You are looking back through the eyes of an adult in his late 30s, at something that occurred innocently between two children. Don't punish yourself any more, you're just human.
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  5. #5
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    Re: Convinced I don't deserve my life because of a thing I did

    Quote Originally Posted by fishman65 View Post
    Confusion, this to my mind was kids being curious. You were growing up and at an age when we are largely ignorant of the bits and pieces of the other sex. You are looking back through the eyes of an adult in his late 30s, at something that occurred innocently between two children. Don't punish yourself any more, you're just human.
    I recall back in the summer of 1987 (when I was 10), when me and my younger brother (then 7) were being 'minded' by the mother of one of my brother's best friends (the 'friend' also being male), who lived round the corner from us, and there was a pair of matching full-size sleeping bags, both of which were zipped together, on their back lawn, and me, my brother and his friend all got inside them together.

    The three of us were all innocently playing around with nothing knowingly 'sexual' going on, as we were all too young to be aware of such things at that time, though I do remember personally feeling a bit 'turned on' by the fabric of said double sleeping bag assembly itself, as it made a high-pitched 'squeaky' sound when rubbed, as both bags had those older-style 'shiny' fabric coverings on both sides (both in mid-blue, IIRC).

    Sorry for elaborating (and possibly causing offence to or 'triggering' others myself), but no harm was done nor intended, nor did I grow up into a 'bogeyman' myself!

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