Re: HA ruined my life
Originally Posted by
darlene85
How did you help yourselves?
Hi Darlene, I've had health anxiety since I was a small child, although I obviously didn't understand it at the time. I just always felt unwell. I also have a long list of other mental health issues which all impact on one another but I somehow limped along until I hit 46 and then I had a mental breakdown due to health anxiety. I tried medications (antidepressants, beta blockers etc) but that made things much worse for me; turns out I had developed chemical sensitivity along with the fibromyalgia that was yet to be diagnosed. CBT was partially effective. First lot didn't work at all, but the second lot was better. What helped me most was acceptance and understanding anxiety and the very physical effect it has on the body. I've had the fibro for 11 years but I don't actually know what it feels like to function without anxiety. There are other factors which determine my predisposition to anxiety so I've had to accept that it's part of the deal, and over the last few years I've educated myself about stress/pain etc and I'm getting better at fighting all those 'little fires' (symptoms). I still have days where I just want to die and where I feel like it's just too big a fight. But the next day I pull myself back up again and carry on because I have people in my life to fight for..
I was having a terrible day last week. I was in bed, and in a lot of pain. My one and only tolerable medication (Codeine) wasn't touching the pain and the despair was starting to overwhelm me. Then my phone bleeped and I saw I had an audio message from my son. The audio was of his unborn baby's heartbeat - my granddaughter/grandson to be - and I knew then that I will cope with all the shit life has to throw at me because I have people to keep going for.
You can cope. You are coping. You have to learn to make fear your b1tch, not the other way around. The difference with me is that I no longer fear my symptoms. I accept them for what they are and I work with my body to bring my stress levels down.
In your case, it seems that you are prone to HA because you've grown up around it? But this is a cycle that you can break. It's not going to be easy, but those things which are worth doing rarely are.
It takes a great deal of strength to endure what you're enduring Darlene. You are stronger than you know and braver than a lion! And one day I hope that you'll see this for yourself.
It's important for you to understand that your uncle's story isn't your story. You have a different story. You might not get to say in the crappy things that happen in life but most of us do get to choose how we're going to respond to them - at least to some degree. Obstacles? You've just got to overcome them as best you can with what's available to you.
Overcoming HA is hard work. You're not going to wake up one day and feel OK. It's taken time to reach this stage and it's going to take time to reverse it. Your internal dialogue is crucial, and you will take several steps back along the way, but you keep your eye on the goal and just keep going!
You have to remind yourself that no amount of fear you've ever experienced has killed you, and it never will. It just feels really unpleasant, and these unpleasant symptoms are because your body is reacting (as it's designed to) to your fearful thoughts, so it stands to reason that the reverse applies. What you're aiming for is for you to control fear, not fear control you.
At my worst, I felt so fragile that I felt I would break apart but, actually, looking at things now - this was when I was at my strongest, not weakest - because it requires strength to pull oneself out of that hole we find ourselves in, and sometimes it's the case that we have to reach rock bottom in order to be able to push ourselves back up again!
Bottom line: I turned things around at the age of almost 50 after a lifetime of fear controlling me. If I can do this with my anxiety pre-disposed brain and numerous comorbidities - then I reckon you have a fighting chance lovely!
I hope some of all this helps you, even if it's only to know that I've been where you are. But if I was to simplify all of which I've written down to one single thing which turned things around for me, it's determination, as without it nothing else would have worked..
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A thought is harmless unless we believe it.