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Thread: Need a hand hold - struggling

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2021
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    33

    Need a hand hold - struggling

    Hello 👋🏻

    I posted on here for the first time a week or so following pregnancy loss but soon after forced myself to have an internet break as I was going down the Google hole 🙄.
    Since then Iíve had a massive flare up of health anxiety and Iím literally paralysed with fear. Iíve spent every day either in bed or on the sofa - not doing anything other than scrolling on my phone. Canít concentrate, canít eat, sleep etc.
    Iím having some very scary physical symptoms which at first I was hoping was anxiety but now Iím worried something is going on.

    I started struggling with the urge to wee frequently which I started panicking was due to pressure in my cervix from trapped clots (donít ask me why, it didnít even make sense). To sum up I had a bacterial cervix infection that was misdiagnosed as a UTI twice. Iím now on metronidazole after 2 courses of different antibiotics for the non UTI.

    During this time I became paranoid about retained products of conception and PID. When neither of those were found I was relieved and went back on sertraline to sort the anxiety. I then started getting this aching, pressure feeling in my perineal area. Literally felt like I had a golf ball wedged there and for some unknown reason started panicking about prolapse. Knowing one of the signs can be frequent need to wee I was obsessing and constantly checking. Then one day I suddenly thought Ďoh god what if I canít wee?í Then sure enough I started having hesitancy and was paranoid I would go in to retention. I was terrified every time I went for a wee and found I was taking ages to start. Then one night after obsessing over prolapse for hours I went to the toilet and my whole perineum felt like it was spasming. I felt like i couldnít wee (although I did) and panicked.
    Went to lie down and after going to the toilet before bed, felt reduced sensation when I wiped. I pinched the area and although I could feel, I couldnít feel pain.
    Went to bed and the sensation was in my saddle/groin area but eased after a while.
    Panicked about cauda equina and went to see GP next day. Neuro exam was fine and had full sensation.
    The sensation keeps returning and sometimes I feel like I take a while to wee when my bladder isnít thy full. I was trying to attribute it to sitting down too much but yesterday I woke up with numbness down my left leg and all over my buttock/ saddle area. Went straight to A&E thinking cauda equina. After a few minutes of walking the sensation had passed and by the time I got to a&e all was ok. Normal neuro exam again and bladder empty on scan so dr happy itís nothing Acute.
    Iím losing my mind over these symptoms. I am so worried itís a spinal tumor, MS or a slow onset cauda equina. The numbness comes and goes and is worse when I wake up. I am sitting down most of the day but Iím paralysed with fear. I canít do anything. Iíve now developed a tight chest and breathing feels so hard. I have been tensing a lot and shaking most of the day. My diaphragm and ribs feel tight and my muscles and back hurt. Iíve got pain on pressing my sternum and Iím worried this is something sinister. I keep thinking I have muscle weakness from MND or am experiencing the MS hug! When I sleep I feel like Iím going to stop breathing and am breathing really shallow. Itís so uncomfortable.
    Iím so scared!
    Can this be anxiety as the GP thinks?? I canít see how I can have all this numbness in the areas I have??
    Gosh Iím a mess

    If you got this far thanks for reading. Xx

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
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    3,370

    Re: Need a hand hold - struggling

    It certainly could be anxiety, youíve definitely been through a lot, and youíve also had tests that rule out a lot of the things that are worrying you too. Iím no expert - but you have spent a lot of time googling and that can bring ok some of the symptoms you are worrying about.
    What does your doctor suggest for your anxiety? Can you try and stay away from google again?


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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2021
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    33

    Re: Need a hand hold - struggling

    I definitely need a Google break.
    Just canít seem to get over the anxiety while I have all these physical signs. Iím having lower back pain now as well which is scaring me.

    GP has put me back on sertraline and has given diazepam to use if needed. Sheís also referred me for counselling

    X

  4. #4

    Re: Need a hand hold - struggling

    TK, you have definitely been through a lot! I have never been through a pregnancy loss and I really feel for you. I have been through pregnancy though and know so well that your hormones become so out of whack! There is a chance that you have some postpartum depression/anxiety going on on top of dealing with the grief you are feeling. That's enough to put anyone on edge!

    Going back on the Sertraline is a great idea. With my first pregnancy I cold-turkeyed myself off sertraline and it was a huge mistake. With my second I stayed on a low dose. It's generally considered the safest anti-depressant for pregnancy and breast feeding.

    I am very glad to hear that you are going to speak to a therapist. It'll be a good place to lay everything out on the table.

    We definitely need to learn to trust our doctors and realize that yes, anxiety can do some crazy things to our bodies!

    **Hugs**

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
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    2,376

    Re: Need a hand hold - struggling

    Sorry to hear about your loss. I had an early miscarriage (many years ago) and my heart goes out to you..

    What you're describing re the sensations in your undercarriage sounds remarkably like the ones I had which turned out to be slight inflammation through sitting a lot and this is also a common sensation with haemorrhoids. I also get these symptoms when I've been working on my pelvic floor? I think it's tight anyway and the exercises are making things worse. I just had an episode of that actually and it does feel like something is prolapsing - but my long suffering GP has given me a darn good prodding up there and there's no prolapse!

    The urinary issues can definitely be anxiety. When we have HA, our bodies are constantly in fight or flight mode and that's a very physical response. The body wants to purge everything it doesn't need in order to be able to run away or stay and fight, so urine, poo, food, poo etc

    Regards the 'MS hug'. Chest tightness is one of the commonest symptoms with anxiety, and that was certainly the case with me, but I also have fibromyalgia and some of mine was diagnosed as Costochondritis but in this case the simplest explanation is the most likely cause. When we are severely anxious, we don't breathe properly - it's that simple - but not breathing properly causes a LOT of symptoms - none of which are harmful and all which go away when we our nervous systems calm down.

    RE numbness: this one of those symptoms connected to not breathing properly. With anxiety we can have the sensation of numbness but actually we're not numb and our muscles will react when tested making it highly unlikely that the issue is neurological. Like you, I went down the MS route - fully convinced that I had it, and I didn't.

    Trust your GP. I know how convincing HA can be - I've been there. It's very hard to be convinced that this is 'just anxiety' right? But I have 51 years experience of anxiety - including a breakdown - so believe me when I say that, yes - anxiety can make you feel like this. And a lot worse! So it's important that you help yourself now.

    You're going to speak to a therapist, and that's great. The meds will help you short term - also great. Sometimes we need to take them in order to be in a more receptive place for the therapy to work. But try not to be reliant on them. Therapy is what will help you long term and I'm presuming from your words. "I'm having a massive flare up of HA" that this isn't your first tango with HA?

    As shite as things feel to you right now? It won't always be like this. With effort and determination - I'm sure you'll be able to get yourself to a better place mentally.

    All the best. X
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  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2021
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    33

    Re: Need a hand hold - struggling

    Thank you all for the lovely responses

    I saw my GP yesterday as I was obsessing over this numb sensation. I was convinced it was so much worse but on neuro exam I was fine.
    I asked her if she really thought all this was anxiety and she nodded. I just cried. I canít understand it.
    Iím very lucky to have a supportive Gp. She sat with me and just talked through everything. She agreed to do an MRI if I wanted but she really doesnít feel I need one. She explained she had a guy once who lost the ability to walk and it was all anxiety.
    I have felt calmer this morning but defeated. Can I really be doing this to myself?
    I still had some numbness last night but normal this morning.
    Iím scared to accept itís anxiety incase Iím cursing myself. Still have a fear of cancer causing it but trying to be calm.
    Finding nights and weekends the hardest. I keep waking up in a panic or with strange symptoms! Last night woke up with strange vision and feeling hot all over.

    I wouldnít wish this on anyone

    Xx

  7. #7
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    Re: Need a hand hold - struggling

    Quote Originally Posted by TKL04 View Post
    I have felt calmer this morning but defeated. Can I really be doing this to myself?
    100% yes you can!

    I still had some numbness last night but normal this morning.
    A sensitised system takes time to settle. Many people confuse this and think that their GP's must be wrong because they still have the symptom?

    Last night woke up with strange vision and feeling hot all over.
    Me too, then I realised that I'd fell asleep with my headpad switched on!

    You're in good company lovely, and you're going to be fine. X
    __________________
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  8. #8
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    Apr 2021
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    Re: Need a hand hold - struggling

    Thank you Nora.

    Iíve gone 24hours with normal sensation but Iím panicking the numbness will return.

    Im so tired of this xx

  9. #9
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    Jun 2013
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    Re: Need a hand hold - struggling

    Hi, just here to echo the love you're getting and also to echo that yes this can be anxiety.

    I'm so sorry for your loss... I wonder if you have thought of having some kind of little ceremony (you can do this yourself) and perhaps naming your little one if you hadn't already? Maybe write them a letter to say how you're feeling and how much you were looking forward to meeting, stuff like that.

    I say this because sometimes our bodies hold onto things we need to express emotionally. It may or may not be the right thing for you - you will KNOW if it's right.

    Take care of yourself and don't worry about worrying. Don't panic about panicking. And above all, don't beat yourself up for doing anything wrong - because you aren't. You are just feeling the feels. x
    Last edited by Speranza; 18-05-21 at 22:06.
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  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 2017
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    Re: Need a hand hold - struggling

    I'm so sorry for your loss! It makes complete sense that your anxiety is elevated right now both from this personal trauma and from hormonal fluctuations!

    Something you may want to ask about is your pelvic floor muscles. I had a hysterectomy 4 months ago and for the last few weeks have been having fairly similar symptoms to yours, but without the numbness. I also worried about prolapse because it felt like there was pressure/a bulge around my perineum. I went to my gyn who said everything looked fine. When nothing changed I asked my surgeon and she suggested I see a urogynochologist who specializes in pelvic floor dysfunction.

    I saw her two days ago and after a quick exam she diagnosed me with an overly tight/spasming pelvic floor, which can be a result of pelvic surgery. I wouldn't be surprised if a pregnancy loss could trigger something like this, too. She told me that this can cause back/tailbone pain, vaginal burning, the sensation that the bladder is not emptying even though it is, difficulty starting the urine stream, and basically every other symptom I've been having! She also told me that stress and anxiety can absolutely make the symptoms worse because it's a muscle like any other that gets tense when we are.

    She recommended a pelvic floor physical therapist who specializes particularly in hypertonic pelvic floors and said to NOT do any kegals any time soon. I definitely notice when my mind is off this that I have a significant reduction in symptoms. I'm going to see the PT, but relaxation has already done wonders. I don't know if this is what you have, but I do know that it's not something that most doctors think of, so might be worth asking!

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