Hi,
On my other post that was back from 2016 I had been taking about a hump on my lower neck/ upper neck. I was 16 at the time and I know it was there before I was 16 because after I noticed it I looked at pictures from when I was 15 and I had it then too. It is what doctors call a “Buffalo hump” looking at pictures online.
When I was 16 and first noticed this I panicked, thinking it was a huge tumor growing there. I remember crying and begging my parents to take me to a dr, but they did not see the need to. I eventually had calmed down about it, accepting it must be a part of my body. I’m going to be honest and this is SO embarrassing to admit. My younger years through middle school/ high school I went through a time of really bad depression. My hair was in a pony tail literally every single day. I only messed with it to take basic care. One day I cut it all off, and that is when I noticed the fatty pad/ hump on the back of my neck. My hair was so heavy on me and i also always had my head down at school because I was so worried my head was too big for people to see. So I wonder if part of it really was my posture, I’m sure the extra weight on my head and constantly having it downwards couldn’t have helped. When I cut my hair off I couldn’t believe how light my head was.
Anyways, Flash forward to 5 years later I suddenly was reminded of it. I have been on google for the past few days and I have found that this is common with cushings disease. I looked up the symptoms and I have a LOT. My gynecologist had thought that I had PCOS, which causes similar symptoms. ( irregular periods, excess hair growth etc) which I DO have. But.. she wasn’t able to see any cysts on my ovaries when I had an ultrasound last year. My thing is.. this hump on my back is making me think it’s cushing’s disease which apparently is caused by a tumor in your brain. Apparently 10 to 15 people per million are diagnosed with it per year. And I am so scared that I will be one of the rare cases.
I know it’s rare. And I know that I had a lot of heavy hair on my head for a couple of years and I constantly had my head down and I hear a chiropractor say that fatty tissue can develop there from bad posture, but I have so many symptoms of this cushing’s disease. I have 100% convinced myself that I have this and will either suffer my entire life with a low quality of life and/or have to have risky brain surgery. I’m going to make an appointment with a dr soon, in the mean time I just am driving myself into a hysterical mess. I have so many plans for the future for myself. My boyfriend and I are talking about getting engaged, I’m trying to figure out a career path and I feel like my life is just about over right now and I think that’s the hardest part. My anxiety is telling me I’ve already been diagnosed and I won’t ever get to live out my life. My boyfriend tries to contort me, and when I hear him talk about our plans anymore I feel like I will break down in tears and I have to hold them back because I’m so scared I won’t be there.
Has anyone else gone through this fear? I feel so terrified to even call and make an appointment. Especially since I just recently stopped seeing my pediatrician who’s known me my entire life. If I do have it and have high cortisol levels always maybe that explains my anxiety... but how will they know if mine is high due to constant anxiety and stress or cushing’s?
I read online that if this goes untreated the median age of survival is 5 years. I had this hump at least since I was 15 and since I’m 21 that’s been 6 years. I don’t really think I gained any crazy amount of weight in a short amount of time. I’ve been a bit heavier the majority of my life. I also don’t really think I bruise easily or have abnormally thin arms or legs for my weight. It also said it’s hard for people with this disease to lose weight, but I went on a diet last year before covid hit and I was doing pretty well with losing pounds.
I have also re-enrolled in an online therapy as I can tell I’m spiraling. I really thought I had kicked it this time. And I know it’s normal to have concerns over health things, but reading this back to myself I think I’m a little over the top. ( as usual)