New and scared

[karma12]

Hello,
I have already posted in symptoms and had some sound advice from a member already. I should have done this first though..
I am a 62 year old, former primary teacher who took early retirement to enjoy my life!
I suffer from bouts of extreme health anxiety and am going through my worst one yet. I am in desparate need of support and contact with other people who know how bad this can be. I'm still getting my head around how this all works. I've read some good articles so far.

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya karma12 and welcome to NMP

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and
are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and
support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way

[karma12]

Thank you, will do.
I am in a very bad place right now and need all the help I can get.

[BlueIris]

What's up, Karma? What's worrying you right now?

[karma12]

Hi there,
Thanks for asking..
I am extremely worried that I have a debilitating neurological illness. I started having intermittent cramping in my feet about a year ago which over that time has progressed to several times a day and is now in my calves. I have "perceived" muscle wasting in my lower legs and am awaiting a neuro referral next month. I went down the Dr Google/body checking route and have ended up 3 weeks on Citalopram and in regular contact with my therapist from last year while on the waiting list for CBT. Every day is a real struggle. I divide the world into everybody else and me, the woman who has permanently cramping feet and doesn't know why. I don't know any more what is my own anxiety or that driven by the side effects of the SSRI!

[BlueIris]

Okay, here's a thought: why does it matter if you have cramping feet? It might be a bit sore but is it really that big a deal?

[karma12]

That's a really good question and one which has left many of my friends scratching their heads when they listen to me bleating on about it!
It's a big deal to me because it has become relentless. sometimes even when I lift my foot off the floor, or turn over when I get into bed. When I actually write the symptoms down they look trivial but of course, the internet details many scary illnesses that list cramping and muscle loss as symptoms. The ultimate battle is my crippling inability to deal with uncertainty. It may be trivial, it may not but I always assume the worst and get myself into the darkest of places with my life practically grinding to a halt. I am trying the CBT strategies suggested by my brilliant therapist but it is SO hard to be consistent. Like I said, the Citalopram at the moment is a double edged sword.

[BlueIris]

It can be really hard, definitely. Citalopram worked wonders for me, but I know I was one of the lucky ones.

Can you keep your internet searching to 30mins a day? That was what helped me start to break the habit. I get all sorts of weird aches and pains now but I can almost always ignore them.

[karma12]

I have stopped internet searching now but I fear the damage is done. There really isn't anything out there from the tabloid end to obscure research papers that I haven't already read on cramping. Together with loss of muscle (which at the moment is unconfirmed by a clinician), it is one of many symptoms of several scary diseases. Trouble is, websites often list many symptoms, not necessarily in order of importance or relevance and while doing the research, being ultra suggestable, I can come off convinced I have others (hence the muscle wasting in the first place, which I hadn't noticed).

[BlueIris]

If the muscle wasting hasn't been confirmed by a medical professional, chances are it doesn't actually exist. I know it's hard, but you seem self-aware enough to know that health anxiety can make you believe things that honestly aren't true.