My anxiety is being triggered

[Carnation]

Plenty catkins.
Can ask first if it's your hubby's situation that caused the PA? Or a build up of stuff going on?
I agree about the test. For your own satisfaction you should take it. Don't put pressure on your self, just do it!
Great you doing meditation. It only takes minutes and so does yoga so get that going too. The heat has nothing to do with either. You can do either anywhere at anytime.
Can I also recommend turmeric as a natural painkiller.
I'm sure your hubby will get sorted even through a painfully slow system these days.
And you can't compare one situation with a previous one. They are all different. It sounds like he doesn't want you to have any pressure or put any responsibility on to you. That's understandable.
Remember we are all suffering in the heat at the moment so bare that in mind.
Worry about things? You've a lot going on. Try to take some time in the day to do something relaxing. When I'm piled up with worries I give one of my phone buddies a ring. Or come on here and spill it all out. Hey, you've just done that so you must be feeling a tad lighter already.
There's great support on here so you never have to feel alone in any of your struggles or worries. Good advice as well.

[pulisa]

There's no factual evidence or Mystic Meg on here who can tell you that things will be like last year again..It's a fear of "what if" and the anxious belief that situations can only pan out in an identical way following a bad previous experience. It's an anxiety-based belief and not factual evidence.

You've got the discipline to challenge these thoughts, catkins. Why allow yourself to be led down a path of catastrophising? Your husband has hurt his hand and he wants to self-treat. You know you can challenge him if his HA takes off in the meantime. He's had some therapy for HA, I think?He'll be much better off working than staying at home googling.

[Catkins]

Carnation - it was right after he said he was going to take them.

There is no factual evidence, nothing/noone can tell me that things will be like last year, you're right P. I'm catastrophising. I did it when I was out with my sister this morning, her neighbour who has had long term mental health problems stopped taking her medication and has become seriously unwell. When my sister was telling me about it I kept thinking, that could be me! It isn't and I have never experienced what she is going through right now, no matter how unwell I've been.

On the way back from seeing her I got stuck in a traffic jam and had to go straight to meet friends for lunch, so was in a bit of a state when I got there. Thankfully, I told them that I was having a wobble today and what about. They both agreed that I'm not likely to become like my sisters neighbour and both were understanding about my concerns re my husband. But both said it's his health/body and there is little I can do, he has to take responsibility for it. Hopefully whatever happens with his hand will be sorted by the time we go on holiday.

I've also been thinking about next weekend. I'm supposed to be visiting my brother who lives near Salisbury. I've looked at trains and it does seem like it's going to be really iffy getting there. So I thought I'd drive, but my husband thinks I'm probably not in the right place mentally just now. So he said he would come and we could share the driving. I thought that was really kind of him, the only problem is he doesn't think we should go until the Saturday morning, which means we'll only be there 2 nights. It's an awful long way to go for 2 nights, not so bad on the train, but hard going in a car. Now I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't go at all. I know I'll feel guilty if I don't go, but it feels a bit much just now. Especially with his hand bothering him and if he does start taking the steroids, it's probably not a good combination.

I will think about it some more - but make a decision soon, so I don't end up going round in circles with it.

[Catkins]

Thank you both.

[Carnation]

Catkins, your mind is whirling like a washing machine.

First of all the neighbour who became seriously unwell has probably nothing to do with stopping her meds and is related to another issue. She would only have a withdrawal if she didn't ween off and it wouldn't have been anything serious, so there's another issue involved.
I'm getting the impression that meds are a link to your anxiety and your hubby taking the steroids had triggered that. Remember your hubby thinks he knows best for himself and he's taken them before and it will be something to get him through the bad patch.
I can understand how you feel because Mr C often tells me after an event that he's cut down on his meds / not taken them or taken a mixture of stuff. I have a gasp look on my face and start to think all sorts of outcomes. So I understand and I've learnt I can't control what Mr C does or doesn't do. If he's really unsure he will ask my opinion.
The weekend trip to Salisbury may be too much with everything else. Only you can decide whether to go or not. But if you decide to cancel you must not feel guilty. If you go for a shorter period of time then you have to accept that is the time that can be spared.
Why not do that meditation and let the answer come to you when your mind isn't racing! x

[pulisa]

Don't go. It's not an essential visit and it's not the right time. Your brother will understand. Don't give yourself additional worries when you could rearrange the visit and go when life is less busy xx

[Catkins]

Carnation - definitely been a washing machine brain day. After I typed the message I decided it was too hot to do anything and the housework wasn't going anywhere, so I sat and listened to a talk on anxiety by Tara Brach that included a meditation. I did nearly nod off a couple of times unfortunately. But it was helpful and it reinforced a lot of coping techniques that have slipped over the last month.

Pulisa - pretty much as soon as I hit post I decided I wasn't going to go. It really isn't the right time and things have got way too complicated. I've also told my husband that I don't want to go to a concert tonight. It's just too hot and I'm too tired. The cold that I've had this week has been tiring along with the heat.

With regards to medication; I honestly don't mind taking it myself, with my husband, my concern is that it hasn't been prescribed for this problem with his hand and last year him self medicating and then going into a spiral of endless tests broke me. So I think it's not so much about the medication more about the fear of him feeling like he did last year and me not being able to cope with it.

With my sisters neighbour, I don't want to say too much about her condition, but she has a long standing diagnosis, she has a full-time carer and when she became unwell unfortunately she had a rather public psychotic episode. So when she stopped taking her medication it was
probably a lot more serious than if I did. Thankfully I've never suffered psychosis and my fear was totally irrational, but I guess sometimes anxiety likes to be play these little tricks.

Thank you again both, it does help to write things down.

[Carnation]

I think you made the right decision catkins.
Well done for prioritising.
Most of panic and anxiety is related to a situation that has passed. It is past. Not now!
Good you did some meditation and found time for yourself. x

[pulisa]

Psychosis is completely different from anxiety no matter how awful you feel with it. As you know.

You weren't broken by your husband's HA last year though. Not in my book. Maybe you could reframe what happened to make it less of a trigger for you? The loss of your mum so unexpectedly must have had a significant part to play in you feeling as you did? Dealing with sudden loss and feeling like your whole world has fallen apart..and why is everyone else carrying on as normal? It would test anyone's mental health, no matter how resilient they appear to be.

[pulisa]

I hope you have a really enjoyable holiday, Catkins and that you can make the most of time away from the daily grind..

I'm sure you'll be glad to be on your way now